A Marina OneShot Collection

Dear Mamma

*Translations (italian to english) at the end. 

Cara mamma,

I miss you. I wish you were here. Today is the day that I officially go from being your little girl to becoming the woman you wanted me to be. Today, I take the first step towards starting my own family. I get to marry the love of my life. I have to remember everything you taught me about being a wife in the short time we got to spend together, and put it to good use. I didn't get to say it enough, but I am so grateful for everything you did for me and il mio fratellino. I now understand all of the sacrifices that you had to make for your family, and I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving me behind. For leaving me to grow up with that poor excuse of a man I had to call my father. I understand why you did it and yes it was my idea, but mamma, I was a child and I needed you. Just like I need you now. You left so soon mamma, and I curse the universe every day for taking you from me, not once but twice. I like to think that you're with me still, watching over me alongside Andrea as I try to figure out this puzzle we call life. Laughing at me whenever I do something stupid, crying beside me whenever I'm hurting, smiling when I smile. You know I am convinced I can feel you smack me in the back of the head sometimes. Like that one time in med school. I think it was finals week or maybe I just had an exam, I don't remember, but Gabri somehow convinced me to go out for drinks with her instead of staying home to study. God, the hangover I had the next morning. I failed my exam that day. I walked back to my dorm room, plopping on my bed trying my best to sleep it off when I felt a sudden pressure on my head. Yea, I'm pretty sure you did it then. Honestly, I would have too. I have spent every minute leading up to this moment thinking about how happy and how proud you would be to see how far I have come. I never thought I would see this day. I was so convinced that I was always meant to be a free spirit, never meant to settle. But then I found her.

I found my love mamma, and her name is Maya. Captain Maya Bishop. My Maya. She is so perfect with her beautiful blue eyes that make my world stop. Once those blue eyes locked on mine one random wednesday night, I knew we were meant to be, she and I, forever and ever. Oh and her laugh. Mio dio her laugh mamma. Hearing her laugh is like listening to the best kind of symphony. I am so honored to call her mine. She saved me, mamma. We have had our ups and downs, but what couple doesn't? She broke through my walls. The walls I put up after you left, after everything I had to endure with Vincenzo. With each day, I have felt the barriers melting away. I have let them melt away. Because of her genuine laugh, because of the silly yet adorable things she does. You know, I caught her sleeping with her face in the middle of a book once? Like, nose fully pressed into the page, snoring up a storm. I still have a video of that somewhere. Oh, and the time she walked three miles in the rain just to bring me flowers cause her car broke down. Or our third date when she tried to cook dinner for me but ended up setting a kitchen fire. To this day I still don't know what she was meant to be cooking. I just remember walking into her apartment after knocking on the door a few times to find her standing in the kitchen holding a fire extinguisher cursing at the oven. I remember the look she gave me when she realized I was standing behind her, tomato red cheeks and an embarrassed smile across her face as flour covered her entire body. God, her smile. A smile that makes me smile even on the darkest of days, so beautiful and so innocent. A smile that was once full of pain now holds nothing but love. A smile that carried me through my brother's death. Her heart is so pure and true. Selfless. I'm sure you would love her just as much as I do, if not more. Although I don't think that's possible. I wish I could share that with you mamma. I wish I could share with you my love for her, our children, our future.

There are so many things I don't get to share with you mamma, and it breaks me. It scares me. I'm scared to take that first leap into motherhood without you here to hold my hand. Afraid that I won't be half the mother you were to me, to not meet your expectations. I'm scared to fail mamma. To ruin my child the way Vincenzo did me. I can hear you now, Puoi farlo, figlia mia. Sei forti. Sei tenace. Sarò qui ogni passo. Something you always told me whenever I was scared or taking on something new. The way you did when I rode my first bike, when I left for college and then again for med school. I need that today mamma. I need you to show me, to make me feel that you are here every step of the way. That I am not taking this leap on my own. That I have you and Andrea by my side. That is all I ask. I ask for your blessing on the most amazing and the most important day of my life. The day I get to make Maya my wife. Please watch over us on this new journey mamma. Light the way. Guide us through it. Hold us close and never let go.

Ti amo tantissimo mamma e mi manchi di più. Prometto di brillare la mia luce, sempre.

Tua figlia,

Carina DeLuca-Bishop 

"Hey, you ready?" asked Bailey, peeking her head through the door. 

"One second" she held her finger up, earning the typical Bailey scowl from the shorter woman. 

"Now I am," smiled Carina as the familiar scent of her mother's perfume took over the room. 

"Grazie, mamma. I promise to make you proud," she whispered, interlocking her arm with Bailey's as they made their way out to where the ceremony would be held.  

Tears started to fill her eyes as her future wife slowly came into view. She was so beautiful, angelic. 

"No tears yet, DeLuca. Not until after the pictures," laughed the chief. Carina tried her best to keep the tears at bay, still somewhat in shock and awe of what was happening. She had succeeded until she noticed one small detail. A detail that only her Maya could have thought of. Two empty chairs in the front row. Two chairs reserved for the two people she wished so much could be there to watch her accomplish one of the best things she has ever achieved. 

She watched as a smile formed across her mother's face. A smile only she could see. A smile only she could feel. She was there and she was proud. 

"Vai brillare la tua luce, bella. La tua mamma ti ama," mouthed the woman. That was all Carina needed. With the help of her mother she took the leap. A leap she never thought to experience.

a/n: hey all! Thought of this during a lunch date with my sibling today. They pointed out that Dear momma by Tupac was playing and I had a sudden epiphany hahaha. Any way, I'm not sure it's any good but let me know what you think! For the ones that read my book, Third Time's the Charm, I should have another update out this week since I am now done with finals, so keep an eye out for it! and if you're not reading it yet, you should lol As always, don't forget to comment and VOTE!  

translations: 

Cara mamma: Dear mom.

Il mio fratellino: My little brother. 

Puoi farlo, figlia mia. Sei forti. Sei tenace. Sarò qui ogni passo: You can do it, my daughter. You're strong. You're tenacious. I will be there every step of the way.

Ti amo tantissimo mamma e mi manchi di più. Prometto di brillare la mia luce, sempre: I love you so much mamma and I miss you more. I promise to shine my light, always. 

Vai brillare la tua luce, bella. La tua mamma ti ama: Go shine your light, bella. Your mother loves you. 

Tua figlia: Your daughter.