A Marina OneShot Collection

Embracing The Pain

a/n: Dang almost two years since my last one shot. Didn't realize how long it had been. Hope you like this one. Please vote! 

TW: mentions of suicidal ideation. 

Maya sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at the wall. The weight of her recent struggles pressed heavily on her chest, a suffocating presence that refused to dissipate. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, a storm she couldn't control. Carina entered the room, her expression softening as she saw Maya's pain.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked gently, sitting beside her.

Maya turned to Carina, her eyes pleading. "I just... I need to feel something. Anything. Will you help me?" Her voice trembled, a mix of desperation and vulnerability.

Carina took a deep breath, understanding the depths of Maya's turmoil. "Maya, I know you're hurting. But that's not the answer," she replied softly, placing a comforting hand on Maya's back.

"But why not? Just for tonight," Maya insisted, her voice cracking. "I need to escape, even if just for a moment."

Carina shook her head, her gaze steady and kind. "I care about you too much to let that happen. This won't fix what you're feeling. It'll just be a temporary distraction, and you deserve so much more than that."

Feeling rejected, Maya leaned in closer, trying to kiss Carina. "Please, just this once," she whispered, desperation in her eyes. Carina pulled back, her voice firm yet compassionate. "No, Maya. I won't let you do this to yourself."

Frustration flared within Maya, and she snapped, "Why can't you just give me what I need? You don't understand!"

Carina's expression shifted, a mix of hurt and resolve. "I understand more than you think. But using me to numb your pain isn't fair to either of us."

An argument erupted, voices rising as emotions spilled over. Maya accused Carina of not caring, while Carina stood her ground, refusing to be a temporary fix. The tension hung heavy between them, each word deepening the rift.

Finally, Maya broke down, tears streaming down her face. "I just feel so lost, Carina."

Carina's anger softened, replaced by compassion. She reached out, wrapping her arms around Maya. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you go down this path. You're more than your pain, and I'm here for you."

Maya leaned into Carina, the fight leaving her body. "I've been thinking about hurting myself," she admitted, her voice barely a whisper.

Carina's heart ached, but she held Maya tighter.

"Maya," she said pulling her face up away from her face, "How long?"

Carina felt stupid. How could she have missed this. She rexamined every interactions she had with her wife over the past few weeks. She came up with nothing. There was nothing that could have clued her in. Maya had hid it, and she had done it well. She wiped at Maya's tears using her thumbs, placing a kiss on her forehead. She fought back her own tears, wanting to focus only on Maya's emotions for the time being.

"Does Diane know?" asked the brunette.

"No, I was afraid of what that would do," Maya explained. She knew how it would have ended. She would have been placed on a psychiatric hold followed by a forced leave of absence from work, something her brain couldn't even fathom at the moment. She was Olympic Gold Medalist Maya Bishop for crying outloud. She couldn't be perceived as weak.

"Cosa stai pensando?" Carina interjected.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter," she sighed.

"It does amore. Please talk to me," Carina pleaded.

Maya took a deep breath not really wanting to talk about this any further, "I'm scared. I'm afraid of what people will say. What they will think, but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I cant do this anymore" Tears flowed freely. Carina no longer being able to hold hers in.

"I know," Carina whispered. "Bella, you are human. You are not the first nor the last person to ever experience something like this. It doesn't matter what people will say or think. All that matters is you. You Maya. What you are going through does not make you any less than. Sì?"

Maya nodded. She knew that, but she also knew that it wasn't that simple. She thought about her father and what he would say if he found out, about Mason and her mother. How she'd no longer be that big strong figure in their life capable of protecting them from Lane's rath.

Carina could see Maya was starting to spiral as her breath began to quicken, "Maya? Bambina, look at me." She turned the blondes face toward her, "he doesn't matter. He is no longer in your life. Him and his opinions no longer dictate who you are. Look around, bella," Carina began to work her way through some calming exercises that she had previously worked on with Diane. She had reached out to the doctor for help when Maya's panic attacks had become more prominent.

"I'm sorry," the blonde apologized, "how do you always know what I'm thinking?"

"Your eye were fixated on your medal," she explained pointing to where it hung.

"Let's get you the help you need," Carina added. Maya silently agreed.

"Can I just have one more night here with you? I promise I will get help. I'm just not ready yet," Carina agreed, moving to her side of the bad and patting the empty space beside her so Maya could come lay. The blonde positioned herself in way where she could breathe in as much of Carina as she possibly could. She new this endevour would only be a few days, but she couldn't imagine being without Carina at a time where she felt she needed her most. Carina brought her in closer, holding tightly as the thoughts of losing her wife flooded her mind. She did her best to keep it together. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through Maya's hair. She sang her mother's lullaby in an effort to provide a sense of comfort for the both of them.

Maya's breathing deepened and Carina drifted off to sleep soon after. The couple awoke a few hours later, the sun beaming through the open window. Maya ground as she turned to face away from the searing light. Carina letting out a light chuckle.

"How about I make us breakfast and we discuss our next step?" suggested Carina.

"Do we have to?" Maya groaned into the pillow.

"Bambina," carina started, a telling tone lacing her voice.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said disheartenedly, "I'm just trying to cope with the idea."

The couple made their way down to the kitchen. Carina too afraid to leave her wife's side. Maya had picked up on her behavior but decided to leave it alone. She knew this had to weigh on Carina almost as much as it did on her.

"Thank you my love," Maya smiled, as Carina placed a plate of french toast in front of her. They ate in silence, neither of them really knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry," Carina said, breaking the silence.

"Car, this isn't on you. You couldn't have known," she said taking Carina's hand in hers, "you're here now and that's what matters most." Carina nodded wanting nothing more thant to believe her but she couldn't. The couple finished their breakfast, spending the rest of the morning sitting on their back porch, sipping their coffee.

"I think I wan't to take a leave of absence from work," Maya spoke, " I know they will require me to do so after this but I would like to extend it."

"Oh?" Carina said giving her a confused look.

"I want to make sure I'm okay before this little guy gets her," she said placing a hand on Carina's extremely round belly, " for him and for you"

"Whatever you need, bella. I will support it," she smiled, caressing her cheek.

Later that day, Carina drove Maya to the hospital, her hand resting reassuringly on Maya's. As they approached the entrance, Carina turned to her. "This is a brave step. I'm proud of you. Ti amo."

Maya managed a small, grateful smile. "Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here," Carina promised. "We'll get through this together."

As Maya walked into the hospital, she felt a flicker of hope. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but with Carina by her side, she was ready to start healing.