Enhanced || JJK

XXIII. From Up Here

I knocked on his car window and he jumped in his seat.
"What the hell! You scared me!" He said while putting the car window down.
"Why did you ask me that?" I asked, before I could lose the courage.
"Ask what?"
"The thing about liking you... why did you ask?" I insisted.
"Oh, that... it doesn't matter, it was just nonsense..." He answered looking elsewhere.
"And what if I did?"
"What?"
"Like you..."
He looked at me with his eyes wide open.
"Wh... what are you talking about?" He asked, unsure.
"Would that be weird? You would think it's ridiculous, wouldn't you?" I kept asking, because it was now or never.
"I... Don't..." He was looking at me rather confused and I could understand why.
After a few seconds, he spoke again.
"Can you come inside for a second?" He said, while unlocking the doors with a touch on the screen that was next to his steering wheel.
I hesitantly complied and entered the car again, hoping my parents weren't gonna notice my delay.
Once I was inside, he turned the engine back on and started the car.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
He started driving away from my house and I couldn't help wondering what was going on inside his head.

"Can you tell me where we're going?" I kept asking, but he just kept driving.
I looked outside the car window, trying to understand where he was headed.
I noticed we were going up towards the hill that stands right next to our town and that usually casts a shadow on it in the hot summer mornings. We had been there together once before, for a school trip, but I didn't understand why he was headed there.
Once we got to the top of the hill, through a dusty road, he stopped the car and just got off without saying a word.

I did the same and followed him.
"Are you still giving me the silent treatment? I don't understand what I did? Are you mad at me because of what I said? And why are we here?"
I was just frustrated with his behavior. It took a lot of courage to ask him if it was right for me to like him, so if he hated the idea so much he could've just said it and I could've just walked home. There was no need to bring me up there.

We arrived at the sightseeing point, from where you could see the whole city, and he finally spoke up again.
"I don't understand you..." He simply said.
"What do you mean?" I asked, since I was the one who didn't understand him.
"I know you... I've known you since we were 6... And I know what makes you angry and what makes you laugh, I know how you look like when you're focused, I know which are the things you care about... I know you, but I don't understand you... It's like looking at this town from up here, I can tell you exactly where every building and every park and every monument is, 'cause I've been up here so many times and I've lived in this town my whole life, but I have no way of knowing what goes on inside any of those houses..." His tone was serious and some shifts in the pitch of his voice betrayed the fact that he was slightly nervous or frustrated. I couldn't tell.

"Who were you actually talking about last night?" He then asked, this time he was looking me straight in the eyes and I felt compelled to tell the truth. After all, even if he said he didn't understand me, it was probably pretty clear by now that I liked him.
"You know I was talking about you..." I admitted, somehow managing to maintain the eye contact.
"No, see! I didn't! I was there, going crazy, trying to understand who you were talking about... and I hated it! And then you were two inches away from my face, making it all even more difficult!" He was upset and I was confused.
It sounded like he was trying to say he liked me too, but somehow he looked mad.
"Why didn't you just say something? When did this happen?" He asked, still looking unhappy with the situation. So I started to doubt my own understanding abilities and think that he didn't actually like me.
"What did you want me to say? It's none of your business who I like..." I answered, starting to get annoyed.
"Well, it is if it's me..."
"But you don't feel the same way, so why would you care?"
He looked at me and lifted one eyebrow.
"Then what do you think this is about? Why do you think I'm always so pissed when I see you with Taehyung? Why do you think I was going crazy thinking about you liking someone else? Why do you think I had to push you away every time you came close to me last night?"

All those signs I had completely misinterpreted. Was he actually saying he liked me?

"So..." I started out awkwardly. "Then what do you... feel?" I asked shyly.
He laughed.
"I can't believe I'm the one whose feelings are being questioned, when I was being so obvious... You, on the other hand, acted like you hated me... Was it all an act? Why?"
"Woah woah, hold your horses... You were the one to always tease me and stuff, I was only mad at you because you treated me like that..." I clarified.
"Why do you think I would do that? You always gave me zero attention, I had to get it somehow and that was the only thing I could think of..." He explained.
"What are you talking about? You've been making fun of me since we were 6, so you can't use that excuse..." I pointed out.
He stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at the view.
"Well, I... I liked you ever since, I guess..."

Now it was my turn to remain silent. How was it possible? He liked me since we were kids?

"I mean, obviously I didn't know then... I just knew I wanted your attention for some reason... Then we started middle school and you and Taehyung were always together and I started to get jealous... That's how I figured out how I felt about you..."
"Oh well, I gave up on jealousy at your tenth girlfriend..." I said, empathizing with him, since I had understood my feelings for him in the same way. Through jealousy.

It's really hard to understand what you feel for someone when you've known them your whole life, so when someone else comes into the picture it's either you don't care, you're glad for them or you get jealous. And if you do, it's probably because you like them.

"Oh shut up, you were never jealous, not once! I know that! It's either that or you have a really good poker face..." He complained.
"Well, yeah, obviously it bothered me, but I didn't want to admit it even to myself, so that's probably why you couldn't tell from my face... 'Cause, you know, me and you, we didn't belong to the same world, so it didn't even make sense for me to linger on those feelings..." I tried to explain, managing to be really honest even though I was still scared of whatever he might think.

"Don't tell me you're gonna start with the whole 'natural versus GM people' thing!" He said, looking disappointed.
"Don't look at me like that! I don't like this any more than you do... Plus it's not even the only thing that makes us so different..."

We had to talk about the elephant in the room at some point. Even if we didn't take into account the whole genetical situation, we came from two totally different backgrounds, there was no denying that. So obviously I always felt like I didn't belong into his world and he didn't belong into mine. We just didn't belong with each other.