Enhanced || JJK

XXVIII. Purpose

GM kids only hang out with GM kids. There are very few mixed couples, or at least so they say, I've never met one. At least, if I had, I could've talked to them about this, about me constantly feeling like we don't belong together. I guess Jungkook was more intelligent than me because he seemed to understand already at the time and even before then that those are just unwritten societal rules and that there is nothing that actually impedes GM people and naturals to fall in love. And in that moment, I decided I wanted to follow his example and forget about those false rules and trust him. Even if I thought about it logically, it was going to be a waste if I pushed him away after all those years of liking him in secret. The world seemed to have given me a chance, but I had learned something about chances in my life and it was that they usually come by only once.

"What are you doing after work?" I asked then, as we were exiting the cafeteria.
He looked at me, he seemed surprised at first and then he tried to hide a cheeky smile.
"Don't know, I should check my schedule..." He then took his earpiece, which looked way more expensive than mine.
"Hey Darwin, what do I have on my schedule this afternoon?"
I wondered if he had named his AI Darwin after Charles Darwin. He was the one who formulated the theory of natural selection. It sounded a bit odd for a GM kid to be a Darwinist, but I didn't think too much of it in that moment. A few seconds passed then he spoke again.
"Oh okay, thanks Darwin! ... he says I have to walk my girlfriend home and maybe take the long way".
I shook my head, I couldn't believe he was this cheesy, I mean it did seem sort of in character for him, but it still felt pretty new to me. I also realised he had called me his girlfriend, squashing all my doubts.
"Yeah, good for you, I guess she'll love it", I answered, trying to hide my red cheeks.
"I know I will", he added in a whisper, giving me goosebumps.

We went back to work and around 3 p.m. our mentors called us to the conference room. There was also Dr. Kim, which was slightly nerve-wrecking, but we both managed to present our accomplishments of the week without mistakes. Towards the end of the meeting, however, Dr. Kim asked me something about my project, using a terminology I had not found in my research. I panicked. I lowered my eyes, unable to make eye contact, and I stayed silent for a while, trying to think really hard about what he had asked, hoping I would find in a corner of my head the answer. But I had nothing. I could've just told him honestly that I didn't know what he was talking about, after all I was there as an intern, with the sole purpose of learning, but in that moment I only felt ashamed for not knowing.
"I'm sorry for interrupting, sir, but I'm not sure I know the term you just used". Jungkook's voice pulled me out of my state of panic.
After that, Dr. Kim explained calmly what that scientific term meant and it all became clearer and I was able to easily answer his question. Before ending the meeting, Dr. Kim proposed some next steps for my project and for Jungkook's. Both our mentors agreed with his ideas and even added a few of their own. I realised how much I liked that creative space for scientific growth and I felt so stupid for panicking about not knowing something. It wasn't an exam, I wasn't supposed to know everything, I just needed the passion to want to know more.

On our way home I was very silent, still deep in that thought.
"Nobody cares if you don't know something, Moon", he said as if he was reading my mind.
"I know, I'm just not used to it... thank God you didn't know it as well..."
"Well, about that..."
"What?"
"Okay, don't get mad, 'cause I know you're not the type to like this sort of things, but I only did it to help you... I actually knew what it meant", he admitted.
He apparently knew me well enough, because I felt mad about it. Not because he tried to help me, that was actually very sweet, I just hated the fact that he knew and I didn't. I couldn't understand how that was possible. I certainly didn't lack passion nor dedication, so was it really only because he was a GM? But being a GM doesn't mean you get more knowledge than other people. Knowledge is stored in the brain in the form of neuronal connections and it can't be transferred through DNA. He definitely wasn't born with more knowledge than me. But then why?

"Well, thanks for... helping me out... but... how the hell is it possible that you always know more things than me? Why am I always second?" I tried not to sound too petty, but that was something that had always bothered me, not knowing how he was able to beat me every time.
"It's because I have something you don't..." He said shrugging.
I rolled my eyes. "If you mean that you're a GM and I am not, well, that can't be it..."
"No, that's not what I meant... I mean it's because I have a purpose".
"What? But I have it too! Becoming a great genetic engineer! Cure diseases! How is that not enough?" I answered passionately. It was my dream and my purpose and he couldn't deny that.
"But that's not personal", he countered.
"Then what's your purpose?" I asked, curious to know where this whole speech was going.
"Getting rid of my enhancements", he answered nonchalantly.
I frowned confused. "What? You're the top of our course, you should know that's not possible."
"Not for somatic cells, of course..." He gave me that look of 'you know what I mean'.
"Germinal cells? Wait, let me get this straight... So you want your kids to be de-enhanced? As in, you don't want them to inherit your enhanced traits?"
"Yup, that's it. See, you're not that clueless after all, but you're still not the best", he laughed but I couldn't even focus on his dig at me, I was still trying to process what he had just told me.

"But it doesn't make sense, scientifically. I mean, first of all, why would you want that for your kids? And then how can you undo something without knowing how it was before? You should have the template for your original DNA, which I'm not sure gets stored somewhere, and even if you had it, it's very complicated."
"I know, but I'll find a way... I have to..."
"But why?" I asked again, still confused about his reasons.
"'Cause I don't want my future kids to feel how I feel..."
I kept quiet, waiting for him to continue. He seemed to understand by my questioning look and continued.
"How should I explain this... Mmm, do you remember that time I won the spelling contest in fourth grade?"
"Yeah, I won second place, as usual..." I recalled the event, defeated.
"How did you feel?"
"Well, it was disappointing not to be first, but still, I felt proud of my achievement... I mean, I had beaten the whole school, which was full of GM kids, except for you". I admitted, bragging a little bit.
"Exactly, that one, that feeling! I've never experienced it... Not once... The only thing I've ever felt is knowing that whatever I do is going to be considered as something that I was made to accomplish, rather than something I accomplished through my efforts..." There was a hint of melancholy in his words and his tone and I realised I had been guilty of that prejudice as well.
But I still couldn't understand why he'd be so determined to destroy the advantages that had been given to him, it still felt crazy to me.