Tattoos And Cigarettes [A Destiel Fanfiction]

But Now I've Gone And Thrown It All Away

*Woah, what's that picture? Is that picture of some feels? Huh. Weird.*

Castiel held Dean all night. Their bodies were intertwined, Dean's hair tickling Cas's nose. Cas kept him close. He was so deeply in love with Dean. It scared him to say it sometimes, in fear that it wouldn't last. Castiel was prone to be impulsive. He could do something drastic one day, and just leave Dean broken and bruised. Castiel could leave Dean sobbing himself to sleep each night. He could leave Dean in a hospital room, breathing his last breath. These are the thoughts that keep Cas awake at night. It terrified him to think of Dean being alone. He'd make damn sure that never happen.

But, then again, Castiel was rather impulsive and quick to anger.

~~~~~~

"No, Gabriel, you can't put an entire chocolate bar in the pancakes. It wouldn't even cook right." Castiel grumbled sleepily. He was not a morning person. "I do what I want." Gabriel stared right at Castiel, and deliberately dropped the chocolate bar into the mix. Castiel groaned loudly. "GABRIEL, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!" Gabriel giggled. Cas yelled woke all his family. Chuck came down the stairs in an ugly stripped robe. He glared at Gabriel. "What have you done..?"

Anna and Raphael soon followed, both looking chipper as ever. Lucifer and Crowley tumbled down the stairs singing Misty Mountain Cold from the Hobbit. Michael was the only one who came down the stairs with his hair, clothes, and attitude perfect. Which wasn't very normal for someone to look like that in the mornings. *Guess you could say it's supernatural.*

Chuck made himself some coffee while Gabriel made the pancakes. Michael read the morning paper, and Anna worked on finishing a scarf she started knitting. Lucifer and Crowley were still humming the same song. Raphael fell back to sleep on the couch, and Dean and Cas were watching Spongebob.

Castiel laid his head against Dean sleepily. Dean smiled and kissed his head. Castiel groaned, "why did God create mornings.."

Dean eyed him carefully, "your question makes no sense."

Castiel leaned up to stare at him, "s'too early," was all he could manage to say. He leaned back on Dean and intertwined their fingers. Crowley and Lucifer sat in front of them and grinned. Castiel glared at them, "Crowley, what're you-"

"WANNA SEE BABY PICTURES OF CAS'S BARE ASS?!" Lucifer squealed and grabbed a photo album.

"Luci, no-" Castiel stammered, only to have Crowley's finger pressed against his lip. Lucifer opened the book and started showing Dean pictures. One was on Cas eating cereal out of a doggy bowl with nothing covering himself. *Theres actually a baby picture of me like that, whoops.*

Dean couldn't stop laughing. Castiel was so angry each time Dean laughed. He kept playfully hitting Dean's arm. There would probably be a bruise there. Dean only laughed harder.

Gabriel finished the pancakes and handed them out. Surprisingly, they turned out good. Dean quite enjoyed him, mostly because his had less chocolate and it was too early for sweets. Dean ate his pancakes quickly and he helped Lucifer wash dishes. Castiel got dressed and cleaned out his piercings and brushed his teeth. Dean did the same, minus the piercings part. He changed back into his clothes from yesterday. He and Cas said their goodbyes, and Dean went home.

~~~~~~

Castiel went back to his room. He was happy, but that didn't last long. He remembered Dean cheated on him. Whose to say he won't do it again. "What, was I not good enough?" Castiel grumbled. He took out a cigarette and lit up. But today, this wasn't calming him down. He needed something else. He wasn't going to start drugs again, that was completely out of the question. What else could satisfy him?

Castiel went into the bathroom and locked himself inside. He found Lucifer's box of razors. Some were used, which was gross, but most were new. Castiel found a few one and sighed. It'd been years since he's picked up a razor. It's Dean's fucking fault, he thought, he's the one who keeps breaking me apart. Castiel lifted his sleeve and then stopped.

He stared at his wrist as if it were a blank canvas. The scars were barely noticeable. Castiel could choose to start over, and leave no more marks. But he chose the latter. He frowned, thinking of all the people Dean has probably sucked off. No good little shit I am. I can't even make him happy.

*THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, IDK*

Castiel sat down on the bathroom floor and ran his fingers over his wrist. A little cut couldn't hurt, right? Wrong. He wasn't paying attention. He was lost in thought. One swipe to the wrist and the blood trickling down his forearm made Castiel lose it. He cut more. And more. Blood pooling on his skin, running into the floor. Castiel felt so peaceful. He kept doing it. He stopped when he made one deeper than he had intended. "Shit," he whimpered and grabbed towels. This wasn't what he meant to do. It was only suppose to be one cut. Castiel panted heavily, nervous of anyone finding out.

*ITS DONE OKAY SORRY*

He bandaged himself up and looked in the mirror. "Stupid fucking idjit.." He sighed and tried to flatten his hair. He'd just wear his favourite sweaters. Sweaters are life. He checked his phone. 9 messages from Dean covered his screen. Cas smiled, and completely forgot about his accident.

~~~~~~

Dean sat at home when he got back from Cas's. He totally didn't illegally download the song Cas sang to him. Totally. He text Cas once, and when he didn't answer, he text again. And again. And again... And again.

Yo, yo, yo. I know we just saw each other, but I miss you. Sent- 11:04 A.M

Cas. Answer me. Sent- 11:05 A.M

MY ASS HURTS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. Sent- 11:10 A.M

Oh, never mind. I just had to poop. Sent- 11:12 A.M

Was that too vulgar? Probably.. Sent- 11:15 A.M

I MISSED 11:11 HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO MAKE A WISH NOW?! Sent- 11:17 A.M

Id wish for you to be right here with me. Sent- 11:20 A.M

Okay, seriously are you dead? Sent- 11:21 A.M

I'm just going to assume you died. Sent- 11:25 A.M

Dean listened to Quiet Riot and debated on watching Footloose. Dean sighed, obviously completely bored.

It was like life didn't matter if Castiel wasn't there. Dean can't believe he cheated on him. Their relationship was so perfect, and Dean went and ruined it all in one step. Dean doubted Cas would ever make them official. Dean wrecked it, and he couldn't stop beating himself up over it. It really hurt Dean more than Cas knew after Dean realised what he did.

Once he had come off his high, Dean tried calling Cas. But he noticed a message saying something along the lines of "go fuck yourself you cheating bastard" and so Dean didn't really feel to great. He remembered laying down and crying for hours that night. He swore he'd stop everything he'd done. He sold the remainder of his drugs and went to his mother. She got him help, and Dean is in recovery. Dean was getting better.

And it was all thanks to Castiel for still being there. For still trying to be a good friend. Dean smiled. He missed Cas awful bad when he wasn't around. Dean would resort to hugging a pillow and writing fanfiction of Johnlock. Dean was content now, and nothing would change it. Not this time. He wouldn't allow it. He'd fight until he died to keep Castiel from hurting himself or Dean again vis-a-vis Dean himself.

Dean jumped when he phone chirped. It was Cas, finally. They text for a while, sending heart eye emojis to each other and flirting hardcore. Cas used a top of cheesy pick up lines. Dean wouldn't admit it, but he found it charming each time.

Dean didn't even realise that they spent the entirety of their day texting. Dean soon fell asleep, dreaming of Cas and his lovely ass.

~~~~~~

*SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS KIND OF A FILLER WHOOPS.

I've been busy a lot, and idk what to write tbh. So yeah.

HOW WAS EVERYONES EASTER? Mine was great. I got a stuffed bunny.. I like bunnies..*