Tattoos And Cigarettes [A Destiel Fanfiction]

Carry On Carry On... 'Cause It Doesn't Really Matter

When someone loses something, they search and search for hours until they find it. They won't stop until it turns up.

This was different, because the thing Cas had lost was right in front of him. Dean was dying. This is why Dean lived life like it was his last. This is why Dean continuously slept around and did drugs and drank. This is why Dean had changed.

And guess who blamed them self?

Dean was so sick, and now that Cas was looking at him, it was obvious. When did this happen? Dean seemed fine when they graduated..

~~~~~~

They found the brain cancer too late. It was spreading it's sickness throughout Dean's head and corrupting his beautiful mind and soul. And Castiel hated this, he wanted to save him.

Grade 3 brain cancer. Where the tissue has cells that look very different from normal cells. The abnormal cells are growing actively. And sadly, this is what Dean had. His memory would fade, and his every day tasks would become more of a challenge.

Cas didn't believe Dean at first. No, he thought Dean was lying so that he wouldn't have to tell Cas he was cheating. But he saw the prescriptions, the doctors notes, the... The fucking everything. It was all there.

Dean is dying.

Dean is dying

He's going to die..

Castiel couldn't even think about anything else. He'd go to class and try and concentrate, but all he could think about was Dean.

It was like nothing even mattered, because if Castiel couldn't save Dean then why should Cas live? He was just beginning to get over his depression, but no.. No Dean wasn't okay anymore.

Nothing wasn't okay anymore.

~~~~~~

Although there are few early signs, the most common symptoms of brain cancer are weakness, difficulty walking, seizures, and headaches. Other common symptoms are nausea, vomiting, blurry vision, or a change in a person's alertness, mental capacity, memory, speech, or personality.

And Castiel hadn't noticed, but all of these signs have been showing in Dean. He even looked like he would have cancer. His hair was thinning, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He was pale and sickly looking. Dean had begun to forget simple things, but Castiel never noticed. He never bothered with it, really. He knew they were growing apart, and he'd have to accept that Dean would be gone one day.

But Castiel didn't want Dean to leave him like this. God, no, not like this.

They could fix it, right?

Fuck, no, they couldn't.

Dean was broke. Not Cas's and Dean's money combined could save Dean. And even if he could be treated, it was a 10% chance of him living. The cancer was growing rapidly, and starting to infect other tissues.

So, why use any treatment plan? Without treatment, brain cancers are usually aggressive and result in death within a short time span. Treatment plans can prolong survival and can improve the patient's quality of life for some time, but it won't save them. Again, it was a 10% to a high 32% chance of survival for Dean. So what did it matter, anyway? They were both already giving up.

And he partied and cheated so he could live life to his fullest.

Castiel will help him in another way, however. Dean doesn't have to party and cheat to live. Castiel will help Dean do everything Dean's ever wanted to do.

~~~~~~

Dean laid out a journal in front of Cas. He opened it and smiled. The pages were littered with things Dean has always dreamed of doing.