Tattoos And Cigarettes [A Destiel Fanfiction]

Gotta Leave You All Behind And Face The Truth

*I just wanted to say that I'm already starting a new story since this one is ending soon. Within two chapters, this story will be no more. *gross sobbing* And so I wanted to thank you all for your cooperation and consideration for this story and for me. uvu You all mean so very much to me. Especially you Tori_Castellanos 😏😉 So here's me! YAYYYY!!!*

Castiel watched Dean's chest rise and fall in an orderly motion, never failing to quit working. It seemed wrong, to have Dean in such a condition. Dean deserved to live, he deserved to be alive and living life like he was going to die the very next day. But that's just it, Dean would die. It might even be the next day. And the thought of losing him scared Castiel more than anything he's ever witnessed.

When Dean left him that first time, Castiel was very scared. He was sad too. But the feeling Castiel has now doesn't come close to the feeling he had back then. This feeling is stronger, it made Castiel sick to even think of Dean lying in a casket about to be dropped into the ground and forever be forgotten by society.

It's not like he made s difference, really. Dean wasn't exactly into his first year of collage, so it isn't like he did much. Castiel was going to do big things. He was going to have a life with his Dean. But it's all gone, it's like God took a look at Castiel and saw how damaged he was, and decided to make it all worse. God was playing with Castiel's mind, and he cursed the Lord each night. He just wanted Dean to be okay, and he realised prayer wasn't even working, obviously.

~~~~~~

Dean was unresponsive. Not a single finger twitch or an eye flutter. Castiel held his hand and kept begging for him to wake up. He wasn't ready to lose him. All of Castiel's collage friends came to visit him, and his family. They all wanted to make sure Castiel was stable. Which, no. He wasn't. And he never would be. He was losing the only person that ever mattered to him, why would anyone even bother to ask if he would be okay?

Castiel kept listening to all of Dean's favourite love songs, and he would sing them to him softly. Then he would sing his favourite love songs. He mostly sang Fun by Troye Sivan. Dean always liked that song, and he secretly wanted to touch Troye's butt, except that it was taken by Tyler. Castiel was always having Troyler feels.

~~~~~~

"Dean? Hi.. Uhm. The doctors told me that you can hear me.. Even though you can't exactly show me.." Castiel chuckled. He felt like he was talking to a statue. He ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip. "I'm just.. I'm not sure how to put this.." He expected Dean to wake up and make him shush by kissing him. But God knows that would never happen again.

"I just want you to know how sorry I am.. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry I left you for so long.. But I'm here now, right? So you can wake up, right?" His voice cracked and tears welled in his eyes. "You can wake up. I promise I'll be here when you wake up this time. I'm going no where this time.." Castiel held Dean's hand to his face and cried.

"Please don't go, I need you."

~~~~~~

Dean had one more month to live. One last month, and he would die in a goddamn coma. Castiel couldn't stand having his last few weeks with Dean having to stare at the poor unmoving boy. Castiel had started to ignore everything and just read. He's finished three books within the time he's stayed with Dean. He was reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson and he was enjoying this book more than he had any of the others. He smiled and thought to himself that the emo Will Grayson was defiantly just like him.

He was reading rather intently when a nurse came into the room and checked up on him. She sighed and watched him breathe. "You're strong, you know that?"

Castiel put his book down and cocked his head to the side. The nurse continued in a soft tone, "I would've already pulled the plug on him. I would have let him die in peace. But your strong. You're staying with him every step of the way. I admire you for that." He dark eyes twinkled in the sunlight and she smiled lightly. Castiel smiled back brokenly and held Dean's hand. "I love him. I don't want him to go."

"Everyone has a time. Some are just sooner than others." She motioned to Dean and Castiel frowned. He knew Dean had to leave this world, but he didn't want it to be now.

Castiel smiled to himself, thinking about raising Dean from Hell himself. It'd never happen, of course. But Castiel can dream. Castiel ran his fingers through his hair and gazed at Dean. He'd never get to feel his body against him, never feel Dean's lips pressed against his own, and he'd never feel Dean's finger tips tracing every scar on Castiel's body every again. He'd never get to hear those three little words. And Castiel wasn't sure if he would ever be able to say them again. Those words left a bitter taste on his tongue, knowing he wouldn't ever get to hear them come from Dean's lips again.

He watched as Dean breathed and Castiel glanced from Dean to the plug. It'd be a lot easier. The nurse was wrong. Castiel wasn't strong, Cas was weak. He could pull the plug and make everything better, because really what did it matter? Castiel bit his lip and walked over to the outlet. He looked at Dean and frowned.

"I'm so sorry.."