All her stars | Rafe Cameron

C H A P T E R 35

TO KEEP IT POGUE STYLE

"Hi my love," she smiled softly, as she sat down. "I've got someone to introduce you"

She placed her three month old baby on Rafe's grave and placed a bunch of flowers on it too.

"Your son," she spoke softly as she looked at her baby playing with the flowers. "You gave me a beautiful baby"

She took a deep breath and focused back on what she wanted to tell him.

"I named him Peter, I think you know why. I'm sure you'd have loved him more than anything in the world. And.. well, I didn't introduce him to you before because I needed time"

Peter kept playing a little with the flowers, until he started crying so she grabbed him, held him in her arms and kissed his little forehead.

Her baby calmed down so she looked at the grave and smiled. "It's been a whole year since you're gone, and it still hurts so bad. But Peter helps me going through it"

"I.. was alone, when I gave birth. I wished you had been there, to hold my hand and kiss your newborn's head.. Then Cooper helped me a lot, because it was new for me and I didn't think I could make it alone"

Peter whined a little so she gave him his pacifier and kissed his cheeks. "Then all my friends helped me, everyday. Cooper helped me affording a new house, on the cut this time, so I'm a real Pogue, finally"

She teared up, as she could still hear his voice telling her she's not a Pogue, and she'd never be. It wasn't mean of him, he simply wanted her to be his, and she couldn't if she wasn't a Kook.

"JJ lives partly with me. He loves our baby so much Rafe, I swear, he takes care of your son more than I ever thought he would"

A tear fell down her cheek and she hugged Peter tighter. "Our son is the only thing I have left of you. Every time I look at him, I remember the best of you"

She paused a little, to sob. "I've been mad at you for giving up on me for months. As fast as I've learnt I was pregnant and I'd have to deal with it alone, I swear there was no one on Earth I hated more than you. But you know it. I've already told you that"

"Now I.. just miss you more than ever. I know you'll never come back to me so I'm trying to make my best but some days are rough. I'm trying to make you proud, everyday"

She wiped away her tears, and looked at her watch. She'd have to leave soon.

"I still have these weird dreams, of you coming back and telling me everything will be fine. But when I wake up it's even harder, because you're not there to hold me"

She took a deep breath because she was sobbing too much.

"I hope you're doing okay up there, I hope you're not feeling too lonely, but don't worry, we'll see each other in the afterlife, my love, and I promise, when I see you again, I'm never letting you go. I love you"

She looked down and felt new tears on her cheeks but a hand touched her shoulder.

She turned around and saw JJ. He sat down next to her and kept looking at her. He wiped away her tears and smiled softly.

"So you introduced him Peter.. right?" JJ asked.

She nodded and looked at her asleep baby. "It's been 365 days today since he's gone, I thought I was ready, now"

JJ held out his arms so she gave him Peter and he smiled at his favorite baby in the world. JJ was the only one who had always encouraged her keeping it.