Amends (Sambucky)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Unlike normal, Sam jolted awake with no warning.

Bucky's head snapped just as quickly, noticing the time to be around noon, "You alright?"

"Y-Yeah," Sam looked down at his clothing, noticing that he had changed. He grabbed the shirt, searching the room worriedly, "Wait, did I-,"

"You got drunk." Bucky informed, unmoving from his spot.

Sam's breathing picked up, "No one did anything, right? I'm okay?"

"No, no one attacked you," Bucky chuckled, unaware of where Sam's panic stemmed from, "But you did a lot last night. Very busy."

Sam had grabbed his shoulder, only then realizing the pain.

"It's disinfected. Bandaged. You'll need to change them in a bit," Bucky continued, "Didn't hurt anyone badly, considering you were too drunk to pose a threat to anyone. A regular asshole gave you that, by the way."

"I probably had under control," Sam muttered.

"Sure you did," Bucky raised his eyebrows, "I'm sure you'd never pick a fight with someone you couldn't beat."

Sam didn't answer, "What else did I...you know?"

Bucky shrugged, "I don't know. Seemed pretty friendly with a lot of people, had some rooting for you actually. A couple of women."

Sam glanced at his clothes again, "Wait, I didn't..."

"Didn't what?" Bucky questioned, having to use Sam's awkward gesture to realize what he was asking, "Oh, have sex? No. No way."

Sam sighed in relief, furrowing his eyebrows, "Good. But how did I get changed?"

"You changed," Bucky replied, before chuckling a bit, "Seriously? You don't remember anything?"

"No. I don't normally..." Sam tried to find a better way to put it, "Do that."

"Or anything else," Bucky joked, laying back on his phone, having obviously woken up and changed before Sam, "There's one girl though, when I went back in to grab your jacket, she asked if you would be back. Nicole. I think she would've liked you to do her."

Sam's cheeks heated up, but he tried to play it off, "Oh, uh, that's probably for the best. I wouldn't have known what to do."

"Whatever you did with anyone else," Bucky shrugged.

Sam's gaze fell to his hands, "Well, I've never...I haven't really- um,"

Bucky pulled his head back in surprise, "You've never done anything? Ever?"

"Um, not really," Sam avoided Bucky's gaze, awkwardly forcing a laugh, "I mean, not voluntarily."

Bucky sat up and shut his phone off, all signs of his joking gone. He wasn't really sure how to react, "Sam..."

"No no, it's okay! Really. I actually don't even know why I said that," Sam tried to play it off, mentally scolding himself, "It's not a big deal."

Bucky shook his head, trying to keep his cool for Sam's sake, but his stomach twisted at the thought, "No, Sam, that is a big deal. Consent is important. Your...Your feelings are important! Whoever did that is wrong-,"

"No, no, it's not like that!" Sam shook his head, pushing back any feeling that the memory brought him. It was always too much for him, so just tried to forget, "It was kind of my fault anyway. I was young, and stupid, and I shouldn't have even-,"

"How young?"

Sam shifted, noticing Bucky's different mannerisms. The abnormal way he hung on Sam's every word, "James, it doesn't matter."

"How.Young." Bucky insisted, "Please."

Sam sighed. He wasn't going to answer, not because he was uncomfortable, but because he didn't like the way Bucky was acting. However, he didn't like keeping secrets, and he wanted there to be nothing between them. So, he just avoided Bucky's eyes, "Eleven the first time."

"Jesus Christ," Bucky dropped his head, grabbing his mouth in disbelief. He tried to maintain composure, but Sam immediately recognized his voice crack the next time he spoke, "The first time?"

Sam didn't say anything, the tears lining Bucky's eyes being enough to keep him quiet.

"Who did it?" Bucky stood up, wiping his face, "Who did it, Sam? I swear I'll kill them-,"

"No, you won't," Sam stood up, "I could've gotten away from him if I had just tried harder, but he threatened Sarah, and I was too ashamed to tell someone-,"

"You were protecting you sister!" Bucky argued, growing angrier, "You can't seriously-,"

Sam reached over and gently took Bucky's fists in his hands, taking a deep breath in for Bucky to model.

The man only stared for a moment, sucking in a shaky breath as his head dropped, almost ashamed. A couple of tears fell from Bucky's eyes, but he released his fists to hold Sam's hands properly.

"You're right," Sam admitted, reminding himself of the countless hours he spent in therapy, "I shouldn't have said that. What my leader did was wrong."

Bucky bit his lip, blinking back tears, "You aren't responsible for what they did to you as a defenseless child....you didn't deserve it."

Sam cupped Bucky's cheek, forcing him to meet his eyes, "I know."

And as if the feelings behind Sam's story weren't enough for Bucky, he had to hold back more as Sam pulled him into a hug. He buried his face in Sam's shoulder; he couldn't recall ever being treated so gently.

It was always harsh pulls, cursed words— force. Bucky couldn't even fathom why Sam acted the way he did. His soft touch, caring eyes— Bucky gripped Sam tighter, angry that no one was there to help him when it happened.

"It won't happen again," Bucky held tightly upon Sam, "I promise. I won't let it."

Sam chuckled a bit, pulling away, "You can't control everything. People will hurt me, Buck. It kinda in the job description."

"Not without getting through me."

"Though I appreciate the gesture, you won't always be there," Sam smiled.

"Says who?"

Sam laughed, wrapping his arms around Bucky again, this time feeling Bucky return the hug, more sure of himself.

"I haven't really told anyone else that," Sam admitted, letting himself relax into Bucky's chest, "I really like you, Bucky."

Bucky's eyes widened.

"You're a good partner," Sam finished, pulling away from the hug,

"And you're my best friend."