Dreams and love

Chapter 38

Cameron's pov:

I feel my eyes burning, I slowly open my eyes and see the sun hitting my face, these past days I've just been drinking alone like I feel in life I'm a failure I've lost my best friend my girlfriend gosh I loved that girl now she has no trust in me at all.
It's Christmas tomorrow I'm looking forward to be with my family and all but I don't feel strong enough to show up to my mums house like this again she'll freak I finally got my self together and now I'm letting myself go.

One on my friends Chris called to go on a night out I said yes I mean I need to have a good time he's always been there for me he knows what's up with me Cat doesn't want to see me again why did I fuck up I should and now slowly I'm breaking into pieces like I was 3 years ago I should of be Turing the pages but I'm stuck because I love this girl and I don't know what to do without her.

getting ready to go out, thinking and thinking I keep overthinking my relationship with myself it's the most beautiful time in the year and I'm here destroying my life I'm gonna end up like I was two years ago I can't do that I need to get together again what have I learned.

Decided to call the guys telling them I'm not going out, I'm gonna go for a jog maybe going to go see madyson she's always been there for me she's seen me at my worst cat doesn't know what I can be I need to get better for myself.

Cat's POV:

It's been a busy few days back changing my routine it's been two weeks since me and Cameron broke up I miss him everyday it's true I've been a massive fan of him but maybe I didn't know him, he never wanted to tell me his worst how did he become addicted he used to say that I needed to trust him but look where that got us.

I went out for a walk getting some presents organized as it's Christmas tomorrow I hope I can get something today plus my mother and sister are here they are still sleeping as the time difference so I just got up and came for a walk needed fresh air.
Decided to stop at Starbucks for a frapp as I go in I start walking to the line I feel someone grab my arm I turn around and see him my heart jumps I look him in the eyes and I don't see the same Cameron I know and dated he looks dreadly he's eyes look darker it's scary never seen him this way his eyes look puffy he's face looks different he's hair he chopped it it's short "cat can we talk" he ask in low voice even his voice sounds rusky all I can do is nod as I nod he starts walking out of Starbucks still holding my arm "you can let me go now" I tell him angry he stops and turns to look at me "sorry" Is all he says it's like he's scared of something "Cameron what is it we've talked everything we needed there's nothing else's to say" I tell him he walks closer to me and I feel my skin dreading his touch I miss him his lips everything, I put my hand out holding for him to not come any closer he stops "okay I just wanted to know if we could at least go back to being friends" he says very low as he's scared of my reaction I look down avoiding eye contact "cat" he says "Cameron I don't think I can at the moment I need time" I say I turn around to walk back to the store as I remember to say something I turn to look at him again "Cameron merry Christmas" I tell him walking up to him giving him a small kiss on the cheek and I leave.

I can't believe what just happened if he came any closer I wouldn't be able to control myself but I need space to even think about him hurts to not have him by my side even his friendship I was able to tell him anything and now I feel like we are strangers it's weird I keep asking my self why did I say yes I knew that if something would happen it would ruin our friendship and now that's what it did we can't be close to each other it hurts to both of us, I know and I can see that what he did he didn't intend to but he's losing him self again as I can clearly see he's gone back to his addiction days and I can't help but feel as I'm responsible, it's hurts to even think like that.