City full of Empty People

16

𝙹𝙰𝚂𝚈𝚁𝙰 𝙱𝙰𝙽𝙺𝚂

I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about his words.

The world does not revolve around you, Jazzy.

Is that what people thought of me? That I always had to be the center of attention?
I guess I was the center of attention right after my father's death, but I didn't choose that.
In fact, I had no say in it at all.

The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

What exactly did he mean by that? That I should stop standing out and start hiding? Well, that would describe my life as it already were. I hated being the talk of anything. I didn't like people's eyes on me, hell, most of the time I didn't even like them talking to me.

And usually they didn't. I was fine with that. When people spoke it was mostly negative anyway.

I stripped off my clothes and stood in front of the mirror, looking at my body and trying to ignore the insecurities trying to break out of the chamber I personally constructed for them.

The longer I stared at myself, the funnier my appearance seemed to get. So I stopped and looked down.

I noticed a few new bruises on my legs I didn't know I had nor did I know where they came from. Sometimes they just appeared without me even realizing.

Honestly, they should start paying rent if they decided to remodel my body into a motel.

I opened my closet looking at the dull clothes in it and trying to decide which piece of clothing wouldn't make me look out of place at Faye's party tonight.

I wasn't all that into fashion like my friend, but I still catched mysef not wanting to look boring for once. I didn't know what or who caused that change. It definitely wasn't the thought of Rhett going to be there.

I hate myself.

I could smash my head against the tree just outside my house 64 times screaming "get out" and it still wouldn't matter. He was stuck in it. Stuck in the thorne hedge of my head. Sadly, me hating it didn't change a thing.

It really wasn't fair that I was thinking of him and he probably hasn't even thought of me at all.

I picked out an old dress that was obviously two sizes too small on me, took it off and threw it against the wall.

My mom wasn't here to help me through this today. That, however, did not stop me from snooping around in her wardrobe. She didn't have much, but oh lord what she did have was stunning.

I tried on a black dress. I know. But despite it being black it radiated elegance and confidence. It hugged me in all the right places. The lace detailing made it look exquisite. It was quite short but oh so gorgeous.

I put black tights under it since it was chilly outside. I knew my mom wouldn't mind me borrowing this dress, she would approve and probably even make me wear heels with it. That was where I crossed the line though since I still wanted to be able to walk.

I put on my usual black boots and decided I was going to wear a necklace. A delicate one with a ruby as the pendant my dad once gave me for a birthday. I didn't wear it often since I was scared to lose it but keep leaving it to dust would just be cruel.

I went up to the mirror once again and this time almost didn't recognize the girl standing in front of it.

This would do.

"Bailey, I'm leaving!", i yelled so he would hear me, "Are you going to be alright? Because I can stay if you want and we could you know... play that boardgame or-"