City full of Empty People

17

𝙹𝙰𝚂𝚈𝚁𝙰 𝙱𝙰𝙽𝙺𝚂

I didn't know what kind of wine I'd had, but I was certain it had contributed to my acceptance.

I was well aware that I couldn't dance. Everyone knew I couldn't dance because I hadn't done so since grade nine, when I danced with a boy named Steve Wilson. He didn't see it coming, poor boy. I don't think his feet ever recovered, but I never seemed to care enough to ask.

Since then, I haven't danced with a boy. I knew this wasn't a high school dance, but I regretted my decision the moment I said yes.

I don't know how to dance.

I knew that repeating it wouldn't make it go away. But I was a pro at believing in it. That's probably why disappointment kept sneaking up on me.

Kai extended his hand to me just as the music began to slow down. It wasn't slow, but slower. Faye's make out playlist would consist of this type of music.

How convenient.

I didn't want to keep him waiting any longer, so I took his hand and stood up. I hadn't realized how tall he was until now. Almost as tall as Rhett even.

Stop.

I rested my hands on his shoulder, while he settled his on my waist. I couldn't help but compare them. His touch wasn't as compelling. Wasn't as assured or fulfilling.

It didn't feel as good.

But I really wanted it to. I just wanted to dance and relax like everyone else in this room. I sought to let go of everything that was holding me back.

I craved the tingles, shivers, and other sensations that turned my stomach upside down - in a good way. I needed it.

I took one of his hands and lowered it while my other hand remained on his shoulder. I was convinced that the sensation would strike at any moment, even if I had to assist a little.

He picked up on the hint and drew me in as we danced. I began to relax, gaining confidence with each passing beat. He wasn't a bad dancer; in fact, he was better than me. That, however, was not difficult to accomplish.

As he began kissing my neck, I drew myself in even more, resting my head on his shoulder. I let him. I hoped to feel it again. You couldn't live without it once you had.

This, however, was not it. It wasn't, no matter how much I wanted it to be. There was no out-of-this-world sensation. Hardly anything. I cried out briefly, making him think I was turned on by his actions on accident as he kissed my neck more passionately and made his way up.

I opened my eyes as I realized he was about to kiss me properly this time. He looked into my eyes, searching for approval in them. I returned his gaze. His eyes flickered in the room's colorful light and vivid smoke.

He gave me the signal by looking down, up to my eyes, and back down to my lips. I did the same thing, but instead of kissing him, I moved my lips to his ear. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

I caressed his neck one last time with my hand before taking his hands and removing them from my body.

He looked stunned and puzzled as he awkwardly ran his fingers through his auburn hair and eventually turned, leaving me in the middle of the room with strangers dancing all around me.

I worked my way through the crowd, hoping to see a familiar face.

Where the hell did all this smoke come from? It was strewn about the room. Sure, it was a nice feature, but it was not ideal for when you were looking for something or someone. It didn't help that Faye's home was enormous.