☆Thin Ice☆ - Bernard x Y/N (gender neutral)

☆Chapter 1 - Nightmare☆

"Y/N I-I love you why would you say that?" Bernard looked at me with red puffy eyes. "You're picking your job over me" I stated. I pushed his hands off of my face. He was a stranger now. "You say you love me, 'more than I can imagine' but you pick your fucking job over me. We kissed, we-we cuddled, and we held each other Bernard. I wanted you. I would have picked you over the world Bernard. I-I... I loved you" I wiped my tears from my own eyes now. "I-I'm sorry but they're little kids, Charlie's age. You don't understand Dollface" he whimpered. He stepped closer to me and tried to hold me again. "Leave me alone! Don't touch me!" I pushed him out of rage and confusion. "Honey-"
"Leave me alone you bastard! I fucking hate you!"

I gasped and sat up quickly. I sat there for a moment. "Another bad dream..." I muttered to myself.

It was nighttime. The moonlight filled my room. It was dead silent. I sighed and held myself. Rubbing my arms. I couldn't believe that after two years, I still had nightmares about it. I didn't want to admit it but some part of me still loved him. I thought about him everyday. About his touch. I didn't want to go to sleep again, to see his face twice in one day. His crying face. Sometimes when I woke up in the middle of the night I tried to feel around for the fabric of his sweater. I never felt it.

I got up from my bed and got dressed. I didn't know what time it was but I knew it was around 12-5am. I creeped downstairs and like I had years ago snuck out.

I usually did and sometimes I brought Charlie with me. It was nice to have someone with you when sneaking out rather than going alone. Still though, I wanted this night to myself. I thought about what Dad would think. Or what he was thinking more accurately. He knew I was awake at that time. He always did.

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I walked into Denny's clutching the bag I had. I always brought it, even if it didn't match my outfit. Judy walked over to me. "Hey Y/N, regular table?" She asked. Judy always served me. She switched her hours about a year ago and we ran into each other. "Yeah" I nodded. I had become a little more soft-spoken than I was before. She led me to the table where Bernard and I had been a couple years ago. I wanted the same view, every time. I sat down and looked out the window. The flashes of lights racing by always brought me to that night. "The usual please" I always ordered sweet tea and hash browns. I thought it would help me move on. "Alrighty" Judy said and then she walked off. I looked around and saw no one was there. It wasn't very shocking though. Everyone was always gone by the time I came by. When Judy came back with my food I only gazed into my sweet tea. It always brought me back.

☆☆☆

On the walk home I past the meadow. There was always too many people there. Sharing their own special nights. Sneaking back in I took off my shoes and set them in their usual place. Then I quietly sneaked back up into my room. As I closed my door I always took a second to turn around to make sure no one was in my room. There was never anyone. When I turned around I always saw an empty dark room. So this time I slid down my door and silently cried, I didn't look around though. Whimpers that broke the silence were always filling up my room whenever I walked in. The moon never looked beautiful anymore. It always looked dull. Whenever I ever looked to my bed I could see Bernard and I holding each other. We were always so close that there was almost no space to breath but we always found a way. I loved him that much. The aching I felt always felt like a giant hole in my heart. Always a reason to cry. I always cried. The tears were staining my face at this point.

I just sat there with my forehead pressing into my bedroom door. I felt no one encase me in warmth and love. I only felt the coldness of loneliness wrap me in it's own hug. I hoped everyday that Bernard missed me, but god I was sick of him and his stupid name and stupid smile. I loved him but also hated him.

I got up and walked backwards into my bed, falling over on it I closed my eyes. I remembered his sugar tasting lips and peppermint fragrance that followed him everywhere. His loving embrace. I needed it now. I was so drugged on him. I cried even harder. But, no matter how hard or how loud I cried out, no one responded. I knew one thing though. I knew Bernard could see me. He just refused to acknowledge me. He refused to see me, like he did over the past two years. I was sure he moved on. It was toxic how I loved and hated him. I wanted him, but I also wanted to slap him. I wanted to kiss him, but also wanted to punch him. Was that too much to ask for?