Red vs blue and purple

Sweet ride

The Warthog faces the Reds and Doc. Simmons looks at Sarge.

Simmons: Okay, I get it. You built a remote control for the jeep into Lopez.

Sarge: Yep. But there's no way anyone could have found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place no one would ever look. Unless... (turns to Donut) Hey, Pretty-in-Pink, were you messin' with my robot?

Donut looks at him confused.

Donut: What're you asking me for?

Sabine: Someone else must've found it and turned it on............. I feel bad for whoever has to turn it on.

Grif looks at Sarge.

Grif: So someone else controls the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?

Sarge: Oh, get a pair, you bunch o' Barbies. Even if they've figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it. Only me and my diary know that.

Sabine: Let me guess,

Cut to Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing on top of Blue Base, a beeping noise is heard very faintly in the background.

Church: There, you hear that?

Tucker: Is it like a screaming, high pitched whistling noise followed by a series of random clicks?

Church: No, it's just like this constant "beep beep beep" noise.

Tucker: Oh. Then no, I don't hear anything.

Church: Do you eh, wait - do you actually hear a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?

Tucker: No, I was just tryin' to be helpful.

Church: Yeah, well, you're failing.

Caboose: All I hear is that voice, you know, telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us.

Church and Tucker stare at Caboose.

Church and Tucker: ...

Realizing of what he said and that they don't hear it.

Caboose: Wait, you guys don't hear that?

Church: Oh man, I can't take this any more. Tucker, you're gonna have to do something, man, this beeping is going to drive me crazy.

Camera zooms to the Warthog with Church's words "going to drive me crazy.. drive me crazy.." echoing in the background.

Sabine: It's drive?

Warthog: (emits a series of beeps like the beginning of a dial-up connection) Drive.

Sarge: Jumpin' Jehozafats, they've cracked the code. Those dern windtalkers.

Sabine: WHAT!?! That was just a guess!

The Warthog drives straight at Doc and hits him. He lands in the driver's seat as it continues driving away with him, he nearly crash's into Sabine but she barrel rolls of the way. Freelancer style.

Donut: Hey, he's taking the jeep!

Doc: Help, this jeep is kidnapping me!

Donut: Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.

Simmons: Hey, Sarge, new rule. (camera shows the Reds watching the Warthog drive off into the middle of the canyon) How 'bout we just don't take any more prisoners, since we seem to suck at it.

Sabine: I'd like to add one.

Simmons: What is it?

Sabine: We need better code words.

Grif looks at her.

Grif: How'd you do that anyway?

Sabine: (looks at him) Do what?

Grif: When the Warthog was about to hit you, you rolled away from. None of us can do that.

Sabine: Oh. Uh, you remember that girl with the black armor?

Simmons: They one that nearly killed us? Yes.

Sabine: Well apparently she said that I'm a freelancer like her, the first one to join the project.

Simmons: What?! You were a freelancer?!.................. okay I can see that.

Sabine: Glad we agree with each other.

Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling in front of Church. The beeping is still present.

Caboose: I see a switch down here. (whispers loudly) It's not very big.

Tucker: Oh yeah, that's it. Just flip it.

Church: Wait, stop.

Warthog: (in background, in the middle of the canyon, emits its series of beeps) Stop. (stops moving)

Church: Caboose... do you know how to work a switch?

Caboose: Uhhhhhhh...

Church: Alright. Here's a full tutorial then. The switch is pointed in one direction, just turn it around so that it's pointed in the other direction.

Warthog: Turn around. (starts turning around)

Caboose: (a small metallic noise is heard) Oops. (there's the sound of electricity) It broke itself.

Church: Ugh!

Cut to the Warthog as it finishes turning, now facing the Reds.

Doc: Oh man, what now?

Cut to a close up of the Reds.

Grif: That does not look good. Nice kitty, nice kitty. (Donut starts backing up)

Sabine: It's not a cat Grif.

Cut to the Blues. Tucker and Caboose are kneeling next to Church.

Tucker: Okay, I see two wires down here. One's green, the other one's red.

Caboose: What about the blue one?

Tucker: That's your thumb, idiot.

Church: Come on, guys, just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out.

Tucker: Eh, I can't tell which one goes over there.

Church: Then just yank 'em both.

Caboose: (stands up) Church, if we pick the wrong one.. (whispers) You could explode.

Church: I don't care, look, just follow the red one.

Cut to the Warthog.

Warthog: Acquire target: red.

Grif: Uh, Sarge, y-you, you may wanna start running. (Donut and Simmons back away) Now. (backs away also)

Sarge: Ahhhhh fudge pumps.

Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling again.

Tucker: Okay, I see what's going on here. The red one goes close to the switch, and the green one goes.. eugh, someplace else.

Church: Fine, just pull it. Take out the red one.

Cut to the Warthog chasing Sarge and Sabine but Sabine jumped on top of the car into the gun but ramming Sarge into the wall of Red Base.

Sarge: Oh, I'm pinned!

Warthog: (emits dial-up noise again) Eliminate red target. (the turret gun starts firing and getting progressively closer to Sarge's head)

Sabine: Karabast! (Tries to pull the gun away.)

Grif: You're gonna kill him!

Sarge: What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this.

Simmons: Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind?

Sarge: No, something about hiring better help that doesn't just stand around watching you die!

Sabine: Your not gonna die!