My Passion

Chapter Eight: Another attempt..

But she wasn't going to sleep. Well, at least now she didn't want to. She had some other plans in mind. And her head was swarming with so many thoughts that would make it difficult to sleep, anyway. She was so drunk that she took out her phone and texted something to someone in her contacts. But she couldn't remember what she typed. Nor did she see who received her text.

Her eyes sought her piano. She stumbled towards it and laid her hands on the instrument. It made her feel better, for some reason. And as if her hands had a mind of its own, it started playing Liszt's version of Paganini's Étude no. 6 in A minor. She tried to stop herself since she knew she'd end up crying, but the piece was just so beautiful and it was making her feel nostalgic, so she just went with it.

Tsuki was always afraid of playing Paganini's 24th caprice, since the piece had made good and (very) bad memories. It was her mother's favorite piece. Thinking about her mother made her tear up as she anticipated earlier. Her mother still hasn't realized her wrongdoings, even after she saw how Tsuki had trembled when she nearly slapped her. She hadn't realized her wrongdoings even after hitting her middle child. Tsuki wondered why she was trying so hard to please her mother. Maybe it was the hope that clung onto her that, if she made things right, she'd have her dad back again. The happy Nishimura family would be back. But of course, that wouldn't happen in a million years. It was either she stopped playing the piano to make her mother happy, or just give up the dream of having a happy family. And she'd rather die than do either of those.

She always wondered what would have happened if their dad didn't go. Kazumi would always say their mom was a sweet and loving woman and that she would come to her senses soon. But that never happened anytime soon. To be perfectly honest, it got worse. Especially since they were getting older and wanting their own things in life.

"Why can't you just be proud of me?!" she shouted in her empty room. "Why.. why..?" she mumbled.

Tsuki wasn't even thinking straight at this point. She was so fed up with all the pain and stress her mom was causing. Or maybe she'd been causing it all along. More thoughts flooded her mind, her vision was foggy, and her head hurt so much. She couldn't handle it anymore. She stopped in the middle of doing the piece's arpeggios, suddenly tempted to do something she knew she shouldn't. Something she's attempted twice before but was caught doing so.

'No one would miss me anyway. Who would care? They'd just call me dramatic. They might not even mourn over me. My mother doesn't love me. So, why would anyone else?' She thought as her head started aching more than it did earlier. But what about Yami? Kazumi? And her friends? Albedo? Wouldn't they miss her?

Or were they just being nice to her because they pitied her? Were Yami and Kazumi just being nice because they were her siblings? Maybe they just sided with her mother and knew she was pathetic. But they never told her because she'd get hurt? Well, if they refrained from doing so because she'd get hurt, they did care, at least. And, oh, who was she kidding? Albedo was only taking her as his responsibility because that was his job. It wasn't as if they were best friends or whatsoever. And maybe her band just stuck together 'cause they made money out of it...

Leaving the piano and taking her sleeping pills from her bathroom, she poured the contents onto the palm of her hand. She took a deep breath. Looking at her door, she saw that it started to move. Or maybe she was just hallucinating. But, in case someone was there, she downed every single pill. For a moment, nothing happened. She stood there and heard someone calling her name. She was going to respond. Then her head felt like it was going to explode, her vision became blurry, her body felt like hundreds of bricks. She wanted to laugh, like the insane person she is. But she couldn't do that, since her mouth felt like it was full of sand. She was getting dizzy. She swore she saw an outline of a person from her doorway. She knew it was open. She knew she wasn't hallucinating.