My Passion

Chapter Nine: Why?

The next day, Tsuki finally gained consciousness. But her body felt like lead. It simply refused to move in sync with her brain. She couldn't open her eyes, it felt like something was keeping it shut. Suddenly, all her senses seemed to go back in place. Though she wished it hadn't; because her head was splitting, there was ringing in her ears and her body ached. Tsuki felt something warm in her hand. Realizing that 'something' was someone, she forced herself to open her eyes. Blinded by the white light, Tsuki couldn't see anything at first, but when she had adjusted to the brightness, she came to know that she was in a hospital. And beside the bed she was lying in was Albedo. His head was buried in his arms.

'What am I doing here..?' she thought, forgetting about what she had tried to do last night for a fleeting second.

But then it hit her. She wasn't supposed to be alive, she didn't want to be alive. All her pain and suffering were supposed to end that night. Why did she have to live? Why can't she just die in peace? Tsuki wanted nothing more than to just disappear, she didn't want to exist at this point. Tsuki tried to sit up, then her arm, which she was using to prop herself up, gave away. Her head fell back and she hit the wall.

"Oww," Tsuki muttered. Albedo's head shot up.

"You scared me to death..!" He blurted, eyes still puffy from crying all night. His voice was hoarse and he had dark patches under his eyes. Before Tsuki could even think of what to say, he wrapped his arms around her. Tsuki stared at him, dumbfounded.

'He was... worried about me..?' She thought as her face grew red. But an "Oh," was the only thing that escaped Tsuki's lips.

"Give me a moment, I-I'll call the doctor and your sister," Albedo said, hastily wiping his tears away and gaining his calm composure back.

He patted her head before heading out of the room. Minutes later, Dr. Yosano came into the room but Albedo was nowhere to be seen. So Tsuki couldn't help but ask;

"Uhm... Could I ask where the blonde-haired man went..?"

"I believe he had to make a phone call," she replied, examining the clipboard she was holding. Tsuki stopped. What was a phone call? Her chest was feeling heavy again.

"Oh.. Okay," Tsuki mumbled. "When will I... be.. um, discharged?"

Why was she forgetting things like basic English? The words were so... vague.

Dr. Yosano sighed. But Albedo saved Yosano from an explanation because at the same moment, he came back into the room.

"Will she be okay?" Albedo asked. Yosano hesitated. The two looked at Tsuki.

"I'm feeling dizzy," Tsuki murmured, her breathing getting shallow.

"Lie down," Yosano told her. Tsuki sank back down and closed her eyes. She wanted to drift off to sleep. But for some reason, she felt like she was missing something important.

"Get more bed rest, and don't push yourself to do activities that will or may stress you," Yosano said gently, "Albedo, I'll leave her to you. I need to deal with paperwork."

Not wasting any time, Yosano went out. Tsuki stared at the ceiling, trying to stay awake. She started spacing out just as her sister came in and asked;

"Does she feel better?"

"She's still having some side effects from overdosing, but she's alive, and that's all that matters. Her doctor went to finish some paperwork," Albedo stated with a forced smile on his face.

"Thank God..." Yami sighed.

After a couple of minutes, Dr. Yosano walked in again.

"She should lay off any meds for now, so I suggest getting therapy if possible. And don't forget to keep an eye on her, she might try it again," she noted.

"We'll make sure to keep an eye on her, thank you very much," Yami said, much gratitude to the doctor.

Yami discussed some more things her sister isn't allowed to do in the corner of the room as Albedo was just observing Tsuki, who was just staring at the ceiling, not talking and not moving either. He wasn't used to it, but he knows it'll take her a bit, overdosing really is no joke. Dazai, on the other hand, was just waiting outside. He didn't want to be a hindrance as he knew Tsuki didn't really like him. But he ended up heading inside the hospital and heading towards Tsuki's room.

"Yosano-san—?" He said in confusion.

"Oh, I didn't know you'd be here Osamu," she replied, her eyes not leaving the clipboard. The statement made Yami confused. Did they know each other? "It's nice to see you again. Have you been taking your medications, by the way? Tell me if you've run out alright?"

'Why did you have to mention my meds...' he thought before replying; "Yes, I have. It's nice to see you too," He avoided eye contact with his best friend; he never mentioned needing to intake medications.

"I will be heading out now. Please do think about therapy, it'll be safer as of now," Yosano said, bidding everyone farewell.

But Yami was just staring blankly at her best friend, totally unbothered that Yosano had just left. 'He also has meds..? Why didn't he tell me?' she thought. Dazai was trying to look anywhere but at Yami, though he could still feel her looking at him with a pained expression.

"Happy birthday, Tsuki," Dazai said.

Tsuki nodded, not quite sure why she felt a tug of annoyance towards him. He was sort of familiar. She could remember him but she couldn't at the same time, which made it all weird.

"Who are you?" She asked bluntly.

"It's Dazai. You don't remember who I am?" He replied, bewildered.

"Am I supposed to?"

The questions to each other went on and on until Yami grew tired of it.

"Enough with the questions already. Tsuki, get some rest. Please keep an eye on her Albedo. And Dazai, could I please talk to you?"

"Sure, what do you wanna say?"

"Privately," Yami added.

They both got out of the hospital, they didn't want to disturb anyone with their conversation. Yami stared at Dazai blankly, clearly in disbelief but hurt at the time.

"Why didn't you tell me...?" She finally spoke after 5 minutes of silence.

"...Didn't tell you what?" He chuckled nervously. Still hoping she hadn't heard it clearly.

"Dazai you know damn well what I'm talking about," Yami said sternly with a rather loud voice.

He was taken aback by this. Yami doesn't usually raise her voice. Dazai sighed and replied, "It's my decision if I want to tell you or not."

"Wow. Guess I hold no importance for you either?" She scoffed, hurt by his previous statement.

"No, I didn't mean it like that, I—"

"Why didn't you tell me then? Dazai, you were always the first person who ever found out anything about me. I let you see my vulnerable side. Even my sister hasn't seen me like that. So why? Why...!?" She snapped, feeling like Dazai hadn't trusted her enough to tell her. She felt betrayed and hurt. Getting a slight migraine too, just to make everything so much better.

Dazai grew silent. He didn't know how to reply anymore and for some goddamn reason, he had to tell her that way.

"Why can't you answer me? Didn't you say 'I didn't mean it like that', so what did you mean?" as more tears fell from her eyes.

"I..." Dazai trailed off, trying to muster up what to say but couldn't think of anything.

"You really have nothing to say, huh?" Yami raged, she wasn't expecting this. If he had replied properly it wouldn't have to be like this but no, Dazai wants to be a fucking asshole.

"Go back home," She said, heading inside the hospital, not giving the other a chance to respond. She didn't want to talk to him, at least for now.

Dazai decided to follow what Yami said, not wanting to cause any more trouble. He needed to clear his mind. He got back to his apartment and got straight into bed. His thoughts were overwhelming him so much but he knew he brought this upon himself. After thinking about everything for quite some time he decides to push it aside for now and eat something.