all i want

The Missing Files

Walking into his bedroom for the first time in months made me dizzy. It smelled exactly how his car did. It smelled like him.

Just when I think i'm dried out of tears, my face quickly becomes wet with them. They were streaming down my face. I had zero control over my emotions, but for some reason i didn't mind.

"Pull yourself together, Eleanor." I say to myself taking a deep breath.

I walk around, slowly but surely. His bed. The last place he touched before he got up and decided to take his own life.

The nightstand. It had a glass of water sitting on it, half empty. There were chapstick marks around the rim.

His closet is open. I walk inside. All of his old clothes sat there, hanging worthlessly. His old green sweatshirt. Every time he would grow out of it, he got a new one. The exact same one. And now it hangs there, lifeless. Untouched. I run my fingers delicately across the stitching of the sleeves. It felt like him. Like when you'd hug him and all you'd feel is his soft clothing. I didn't hug him much. But now I regret it. I slip it over my t-shirt that i was already wearing. This is something I would never do if he was alive right now.

I continue walking around his bedroom, still wearing his jacket. On his dresser there where folded up sheets of paper, much like the ones that I write. One of them I noticed had big, bold purple lettering across it. 'For El' it says.

"Great. A suicide note." I say unfolding it shakily.

'Eleanor. Hi. It's Liam, go figure,' I could practically hear his voice reading it to me, 'I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I truly am. I think i'd miss you more than anyone. Even Cyrus. Don't tell him that though.' I laugh through my tears and my pain. Liam always had a sense of humor, 'If you're reading this you've probably already found out, or you're just snooping through my room. Anyways, it's not your fault. I know you're sitting here crying, blaming yourself. But it is NOT your fault. Its not Cyrus's either.

I love you so much Eleanor. All those times we fought and all those awful words i said to you, I didn't mean them. I know you hate me right now. Hell, maybe you just hate the way i'm making you feel. But i truly do love you. So stop beating yourself up over this. You must move on with your life. Keep going. You got this <3

-Liam'

I hold the sheet close to my heart, both literally and figuratively. I wish we hadn't held off cleaning out his room for so long.

I fold it up and put it in my pocket, glancing around his room for anywhere I missed.

Thats when I see it. His nightstand. In the drawer there was a small corner of something sticking out. It was a vanilla colored piece of paper, but it was thicker than any normal one. I pull the drawer out.

I pull the peculiar file out of the drawer and I open it up. Two pictures sit before me. One was of a woman with long brown hair. She has the prettiest green eyes and a contagious smile. She was wearing a pink flowery sundress and beach sandals. She looked like me. She had to be my mother.

The other picture was of a man. He looked exactly like Liam with the blonde hair and green eyes. A chiseled jawline and big nose. I look further into the file. Another picture of the man was there, attached to a piece of paper. On the paper there was loads of information on it.

Name: Rick Gold
Age: Seventeen
Sex: Male
Birthdate: 10/18/1982

I keep looking, "Hospital records?" I say looking closer into paper.

The woman had one too.
Name: Eleanor Gallagher
Age: 15
Sex: Female
Birthdate: 03/16/1984

The last two pieces of paper each had a photo of a baby.
Name: Liam Gold
Age: Newborn
Sex: Male
Birthdate: 08/03/1999

"This is Liam." I say, moving the it aside and looking at the other one.

Name: Eleanor Gold
Age: Newborn
Sex: Female
Birthdate: 12/2/2007

My birthday. This is my birth file. These are my parents. Everything is adding up. My mother had Liam when she was 15, my father was 17. They had to have stayed together at least eight years for both of them to be my birth parents. Meaning, Eleanor Gallagher had me when she was 23 years old, assuming shes my real mother. Liam never talked about our parents. He had to have had remembered them because he was eight when they abandoned us.

I skim the sheet one more time when i see a loose one sitting in the empty space of the nightstand where the drawer once was. Its an old newspaper. The headline read, "Rick Gold: Famous Dentist Saves Three-Year-Old's Life."

The article itself said, 'Three-year-old Talia was taken from her home in Minnesota at three o' clock Sunday morning..' I live in Wisconsin. Minnesota is close, 'Police say that dentist-hero, Rick Gold, saved young Talia's life..'

"My dad saved someones life?" I look around the newspaper more for any piece of information I can. Nothing.

I fold up the files and the newspaper and shove it in Liam's sweatshirt. Before I turn and leave I grab every suicide note sitting on the dresser and shove those in my pockets too.

When I get back to my bedroom, i start dumping out ever item I have in my school backpack, trying not to cause a ruckus, but doing so anyways. I pack the papers, a phone charger, and every item I think I need for long trips. I couldn't legally drive, so I pack extra walking shoes and clothes while i'm at it.

Cyrus knocks on my door at the worst time possible, "Eleanor? Are you okay?"

"Uhhh- Yeah! I'm fine." I say stopping everything i'm doing.

He jiggles the door knob but I push it closed, "Don't come in i'm changing!" I lie.

"Shit sorry" He says, "When you're done do you wanna go grab something to eat with me? You can pick the restaurant!" He offers.

"Im not hungry. You go ahead"

"O-Okay. See you later then."

"Bye." I say, irritated.

As I hear the garage door close, I run downstairs and wait to see the headlights of the car vanish out of my sight. Now, i'm free.

"Minnesota here I come."
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Word Count: 1119 (longest chapter yet!)