all i want

Minnesota

An hour at a time. Step by step, I walk to a whole different state. Thankfully, it wasn't totally grueling. I already lived on the outskirts of Wisconsin.

The hole time, i reread the papers I had, trying to get answers, but all i got was a headache.

This had to be the reason why he killed himself. He got sent these files and became upset, but i don't know why. It just doesn't make sense. Wouldn't you finding out about your birth parents be a good thing?

I crossed into the border town of St. Croix Falls. Three more miles to go.

When I finally got to more civilized parts of the state, everything became more real. More beautiful. There were streets lined with cars and it was buzzing with people. There were pigeons everywhere and hobos around every corner, begging for extra food or change. Ive never experienced the hustle and bustle of a city like this. Its incredibly easy to get lost.

I go from shop to shop, asking if anyone knows who Rick Gold is, "He saved a girl's life in 2003. Ever heard of him?"

Ever answer was the same, "No, i'm sorry sweetheart. I hope you find your dad."

By the time it got dark, i've received zero help. I started to give up. I was scared. I was ready to go home and be in my comfortable bed, but instead i was searching an entire city of Minnesota for people I wasn't sure even existed.

I walk into a pub just on the corner of a major intersection. I bring all my documents and newspapers to the hostesses to see if they had any information.

"Uhm- aren't you a bit young to go to a bar by yourself?" A girl with a heavy New Yorker accent says to me.

"Im not here to drink," I say losing my patience, "I just wanted to ask you guys something."

"Look kid, we're not interested in buying your girl-scout cookies. So run along, you're holding up the line."

I hold my ground, trying not to blow up on them, "Im wondering if either of you know a Rick Gold or Eleanor Gallagher?"

Their faces go white. The meaner one reaches for the phone sitting on the desk, "Yeah I know Eleanor. Shes one of my great friends."

The smaller, quieter one puts her hand up, "Man i haven't seen Rick in years. Is he even still around?"

I shrug, "I don't know. He abandoned me and my brother when I was two."

The mean one grabs the phone and punches in a few numbers, keeping her eyes locked with mine, "Hey Kylie. Yeah it's me," She says to a recipient on the other side of the phone, "Do ya know an Eleanor Gallagher? You do? Shoot me her number, will ya'? Alright great." She smacks her gum loudly, "Okay thanks girlie. 'Preciate it. Alright see ya'."

She turns and punches in more numbers, waiting for my mother to answer the phone, "You're their kid, aren't you?"

I nod, "Yeah. I-I am."

She waits for about a minute and a half, "Hello? Hi Eleanor it's been a while, how are ya'? Oh i'm doin' great, thanks. Hey, I've got someone here wanting to talk to ya'. You busy? Okay. Here she is."

I hold the phone to my ear, unsure what to do.

"Hello?" I hear a kind voice say on the other side. I just stand there, baffled.

"Uh hi." My voice is shaky and my eyes filled with tears, but for the first time in forever they're not sad ones.

"Hi.. Do I know you?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. My own mother doesn't recognize my voice, "You do- but you also don't... Im- um- My name is Eleanor Gold, ma'am."

I can hear her go quiet. The only thing I hear is the clinking of silverware on glass plates and her calm breaths, "How- How did you find out about me?"

"Through Liam... which I need to talk to you about, by the way." I say, "Like- in person."

I hear the phone click followed by an endless beep, "She hung up... sorry for wasting your time." I hand the phone back to them and go outside in the pitch black night and sit on the curb. I was losing hope in everything. In finding my parents. Finding answers. And I had no clue how to get home from here. I think about just going in the middle of the road and waiting for a car to run me over. No. Not in a public place like this. I don't want to put any trauma onto other people as Liam did to me.

"Eleanor?" I hear a voice say.

I look up and see a woman running towards me.

"Mom?"
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