all i want

The Upside

I sit at my mom's counter, hunched over a cup if tea. I still have Liam's sweatshirt on, "I still don't get it."

He sits on the stool next to me and puts a blanket over my shoulders, "What do mean?"

"I saw your body there... you didn't have a heartbeat."

"I never died, El," he says, "I tried to. When they brought me away in the ambulance, I was alive."

"Then why didn't you come home? Why didn't you reach out to me and Cyrus and tell us you were okay? Do you even know what we were going through?" I cry out, "For the past month I've felt worthless. Alone. Hell, I almost killed myself waiting for mom but you know what? I didn't. I didn't because i'd NEVER want to traumatize whoever would find me the way you did to me."

He stays quiet. He knows what he did.

I feel warm arms wrap around me again, followed by Liam's breath pushing lightly on the back of my neck. Feeling his embrace again felt euphoric. Unreal. Extraordinary. The type of feeling you get when your favorite sports team wins a world championship. Incomparable.

Then I remember. The letters. I reach for my backpack hurriedly and pull out the sheets of paper. The ones he left for us and the ones me and Cyrus wrote for him, "Here. Don't believe me?"

I shove them into his chest and watch as he slowly flips through them. His face goes white and his hands become brail and shaky, "D-Did you and Cyrus write these?"

I nod, swallowing my emotions, "Yes." I show him the last line of Cyrus' letter. Come home soon? "You have to come home to see him."

He itches the back of his head, "I don't know if I can do that."

"What? Why the hell not?"

"I just... don't know if I can. Technically, you weren't even supposed to know until next month."

My eyebrows furrow, "Next month? What's next month?" I think about it for a second, "Cyrus' birthday."

He nods blankly, "Yeah. But it's gonna be okay..."

I scoff at him. I become so incredibly angry that I can't contain any more of it. I am about to explode, "You prick... So you were just gonna disappear and come back as a birthday present for your boyfriend, who thought you were dead, and think it's all gonna be okay?!"

"El- I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice."

"DO NOT CALL ME EL." I cry out, not realizing it was him talking, "Don't.. call me El." I repeat quietly.

Mom sips her tea and adjusts her reading glasses, "I'll leave you two alone," before she walks out into a different room, she stops and smiles, "I'm glad to see you guys again." she rubs Liam's shoulder and walks away.

"Night mom"

It was then I realize how long I have been sitting at the counter listening and talking to Liam. I look at him. Not angrily, but not happily either. I am glad to see him again. Regardless of the amount of arguments we get into.

"Its getting late. We'll go home in the morning."

I push past him and lay on the couch, huddling in a ball. As I drift off to sleep, I feel a blanket being put over me. I jump awake, startled, but in a comfortable way.

"Love you Eleanor."

"Night Liam."

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HOLY CRAP TYSM IF YOU'VE READ THIS FAR. Seriously thank you, if you enjoy the book dont forget to add it to your library to continue reading (or don't who am i to tell you what to do)

Word Count: 614