Survivor | John Murphy Love Story

"I love you"

„Don't shoot, it's me!", I called out, raising my hands. I arrived at the camp and it seemed like everyone had guns now. Everyone except me. The boys looked at me suspiciously, especially Connor. I may have tried to kill him after the whole „Float Murphy" thing. I didn't know why I wasn't killed yet. Maybe it was because of Clarke. She knew me, she knew that John was my best friend. She knew that I needed him and she probably knew how I felt right now. She must've felt the same when Wells got her father floated. I was thankful for not being hanged.

„Where the hell have you been?", Bellamy spat, glaring at me. Since when did he even care?

„That's none of your business", I hissed, trying to free myself from his tight grasp. He sighed, running a hand through his greasy hair. I didn't even want to know what had caused his mood.

„Look, it is my business when you're worrying my people. Rumors spread that some Grounders got you. Where were you?", he asked again, not sounding as pissed at before, yet he still had authority in his voice.

„I wanted to find John", I mumbled, looking at my feet. I was a bit ashamed, to be honest. It was sort of embarrassing to admit that I thought he was still alive. Yet alone admit it to the person who had killed him. I inhaled deeply, trying to prevent the tears from falling as I once again realized that I had lost my best friend.

„He's in there", Bellamy whispered, nodding to the direction of the drop ship. He's in there? How could this be? I furrowed my eyebrows, what was this all supposed to mean? Curiosity took over me and I ran over to the ship, almost knocking over a few kids in progress. I didn't care about the looks that were given me. I didn't care about the people mumbling, possibly spreading rumors again. I cared about John. Even if he was dead, I could sort of say goodbye. Tell him that once he was gone, I realized that I loved him. I loved him more than life itself. I needed him.

My eyes hectically scanned the room before landing on some boy that was crouching in the corner, coughing. I almost didn't recognize him. He was covered in dirt and blood. He didn't have his cocky smirk on his face anymore, he had a frown on his face. He gritt his teeth in pain and held his stomach. He lived.

„John!", I exclaimed, my voice cracking as I fell on my knees in front of him. My heart sped up and my body trembled. I was so glad that I had him back, but I was so afraid of losing him again.

My sight got blurry and I carefully took his face in my hands, examining his face. He looked terrifying. „Where have you been?", I asked, noticing that I sounded like Bellamy. I was so angry. I was angry for thinking he was dead, for grieving and nobody told me I was wrong. I was angry at whoever sent him out of camp and I was angry at the monster who did this to him.

He opened his mouth to reply, but instead of words coming out, there was just blood. He bent over, coughing and throwing up. Everything was red. The metal floor was covered in blood and if I wouldn't have worried so much, I would have wondered where all this blood came from and how much there is left. I panicked. I knew I couldn't help him and that was tearing me up inside. I could just scoot next to him, stroke his back and whisper calming words. There was nothing I could do but I was never going to leave him again.

Clarke entered, giving me an apologizing smile. Did she know he was alive? Did she lie to me like it meant nothing? I didn't know what to think of her anymore. I thought she was at least loyal. It didn't matter at the moment, her mom was a doctor, passing on her knowledge. Maybe she knew what to do. Maybe she could help him. My hope fainted as I noticed the blood under her eyes. It was scary, almost like she was crying and bleeding at the same time. Why was everyone sick? Realization hit me like an asteroid. It must have been Murphy. He must have been infected with some sick, radioactive..virus or something.

„I need you to tell me exactly how you escaped from the grounders", Clarke said, her voice trembling. She was afraid of finding out the truth and so was I.

„I don't know, I woke up and they forgot to lock my cage.. There was no one there so I took off", he explained, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth.

„They let you go", I breathed, resting my head against the cold metal wall. The Grounders did this to him. They let me go because they knew I would die anyways, as soon as he infected me. Lexa must have known it, too. She didn't say anything. What a traitor. She healed me, just to let me get infected again. I heard heavy footsteps, signaling that Bellamy was joining us again.

„Stay back", Clarke warned, stretching out her arm. She didn't want him getting sick, too.

„Did he do something to you?", he asked, obviously worrying about our princess, who shook her head:"What the hell is this?"

What did hell did this look like, Blake?„Biological warfare"

I threw my head back in frustration. John was the weapon that was supposed to kill us all. I didn't know how much time there was left for us: Days, hours, maybe even just a couple minutes..

There was a chance I wasn't infected yet, but I'd stay here, until the end. I would stay with Murphy for as long as I could. I grabbed his dirty hand, squeezing it. It wasn't his fault. I knew Bellamy was blaming him for coming back, but what was he supposed to do? Build a camp on his own?

I rest my head on his shoulder, hoping we'd have enough time so I could tell him what I truly felt. This could be ruining our friendship, but I can't just pretend not having these butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him or.. This feeling of ...home when he's slinging his arm around me.

Clarke got some water and a cloth to clean his wounds up. I would have done it myself, but I was scared of hurting him. Clarke knew better.

„Is this your revenge? Helping the grounders kill us?", Bellamy asked, angrily. That's it. How could he be such an egoistic asshole? Not everything was about him. John would have been stupid for wanting to help the grounders. I pushed myself up, running over to him. In a swift move I grabbed my machete and held it at his neck. I was surprised of myself, to be honest. His gun was pushing in my hip but something told me he wouldn't shoot. Just like something told him I wouldn't slash his throat.

„Would you shut your goddamn trap, just for once? If Murphy had been trying to get us killed, he'd make sure you'd be the first one to die", I hissed, noticing the corners of my mouth getting wet. I wiped the liquid off with the back of my hand, quickly stepping away from Bellamy as I realized I was sick, too. I threw the stupid knife away, cursing in anger. For a minute, I actually thought I was stronger than this.

„I didn't know about this, I swear", John said calmly, bringing up that subject again. He glanced over to me, checking if I was okay. I was, believe me, I was just somehow..disappointed of myself.

„Stop lying!", Bellamy yelled:"When are they coming?"

„Murphy, think. What can you tell us that could be useful? Did you hear anything?", Clarke tried getting information, calmly. If John had known anything I'm sure he would have told us by now. No need to pressure him.

He shook his head, and I sank down next to him again. I was feeling so uncomfortable. I knew John was dying and all I wanted to have was some time alone with him. But lucky me was stuck here with Clarke and Bellamy.. - and Finn.

„Finn, you shouldn't be in here!", the princess exclaimed:"No one should."

Why couldn't Octavia be here? I didn't want her to get sick, but she was at least nice company.

„I heard you where sick. Clarke, what is this?", he asked, slightly out of breath as he looked at us.

As on cue I was coughing, spitting out blood again.

„I don't know. Some kind of hemoratic fever.. We just need to contain everyone-"

There was a boy, coughing loudly, falling onto the floor. He was shaking violently and the Doctors daughter ran over to him. His actions only lasted a few seconds before he died. So that was what's going to happen to us.

„This is all my fault", John whispered, barely audible. I frowned, facing him. Looking at him was tough, I felt guilty for not finding him soon enough to prevent the grounders from hurting him.

„This is not your fault, John, okay? It's not. It's the grounders fault, damn, it's also Jaha's fault for sending us down here. But it's not yours. You just have to make it through this and then we're gonna kill the guilty ones, one by one. Together", I said, slowly getting exhausted. This time, John took my hand in his and nodded.

Everything hurt yet felt numb at the same time. I was hot and I was cold.. Almost like when I ate the berries..

„That's it!", I exclaimed, immediately regretting it as a gush of blood flew out of my mouth:"There are Centipedes.. They-they could help! They are.. Big.. Giant.. And dark blue, almost black... They could heal us!"

„How would you know?", Bellamy asked, not fully trusting me. Would I lie if my life depended on it?

„I'll explain later. Please, y-you have to find them", I coughed, feeling sick. It got worse by any minute, we didn't have much time left. Finn walked away, getting everyone who had contact with him, also Bellamy sent some people out to find those insects.

The drop ship was filling up with people, thankfully Octavia wasn't infected yet. The people in here were either slowly dying or slowly getting better. John belonged to the second group of people. I on the other hand, wasn't feeling any change. I was coughing, I was puking, I could barely keep my eyes open. There were loud screams coming from outside before two gun shots stopped them. I wanted to ask John what was going on, but I was too tired. He pulled my closer to him, and I was feeling those butterflies again. I had hope that maybe..maybe he'd like me back. Not like a best friend, but like a possible girlfriend. That's all I wanted.. Apart from survive, of course.

Finn brought Clarke inside and John walked over to help her. I didn't want him to leave me but I was glad that he wasn't mad at the others. Maybe Clarke would be okay with him staying once she was feeling well again. I perked up, acting as if I was already feeling better. John shouldn't worry about me, he should be helping those who are feeling worse than myself. Watching him made me happy. It seemed as if he was in peace with himself.

„Hey, Noah, are you alright?", Octavia asked carefully, walking over to me. I nodded, smiling at her. I was alright. Everything was good right now, wasn't it? People were getting better, the virus didn't last very long. John was okay, too.

„I-I'm great, actually", I mumbled, furrowing my eyebrows. It was like I haven't been sick at all. The horrible pain in my stomach was merely an odd feeling, my throat was clear and I could easily breathe. The younger Blake sibling smiled at me one last time, before taking care of her brother.

I hesitantly stood up, looking around. Everything still felt strange.. So unusual, but I was fine. I survived, just like John. We Were the Survivors.

„You know you shouldn't over strain yourself", John chuckled, still seeming worried. He looked down at me and I wanted to tell him that It's alright. That I can do it and that I'm feeling better.

Instead, all that came out of my mouth was „I love you"

I was shocked over my own words. My mind was running, trying to think of a way to cover it all up. I didn't want to tell him that way.. I thought I'd be more.. prepared..

The worse thing was: he didn't say anything back. I didn't get an „I love you too". I was feeling stupid for telling him. I was feeling naive for thinking there was a chance that he liked me back. I thought he didn't love me until I felt his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. I looked up at him and saw a genuine smile. One I haven't seen in ages. I never could have imagined a moment like this but here I was, smiling like an idiot at the guy I loved. He was about to say something but I was actually afraid that he would ruin this moment with a sarcastic comment so without thinking, I crashed my lips on his, passionately kissing him.