More Than Divergent

35. Finally Admitting

Eric stood at the entrance to the compound and his face told me everything I needed to know. He was enraged. Tris shot me a worried glance. We said nothing as we exited the car and followed behind him into the glass building. Once the door closed Eric stood still in front of us, arms crossed. Tris was side eyeing me, but I just looked at Eric.

"Ladies" he rolled his neck, cracking his bones. His tone was strained, like he was trying to control his temper. "What. The fuck. Were you thinking?" he loosened a bit of his control. He was only staring at Tris, like he refused to acknowledge me.

"I-" Tris still looking to me for help.

"You what?" he narrowed his gaze at her. "I'm tempted to call you traitors." he referred to the both of us but still refused to look at me. "Have you never heard the phrase Faction before Blood?" Tris was panicking under his gaze. We both knew how ruthless Eric can be. "I'm also tempted to reconsider your rankings" Tris still looked to me to say something, anything to draw his focus from her. This wasn't his usual rage, we were used to him lashing out and being unpredictable. He was controlled and poised now. If he had any inkling of what we were, that we were Divergent he would kill us right here, on this very spot. He wouldn't hesitate. If anything he would be glad to get rid of me at this point.

"Grace" I blurted out. Tris looked confused, but Eric went perfectly still, just for a moment. I stepped closer to Tris. I didn't want his any of his attention. Our last conversation was still very fresh and the sting from it still hurt. I didn't want to see him or face him. But I knew Tris was at her limit with him. "I met Grace" Eric finally snapped to me.

"Leave. Now" He turned to Tris who looked to me. She reluctantly left, but knowing her she wouldn't be far away. "What were you thinking?" Eric practically growled.

"I wasn't-we weren't" I admitted. It was the truth. When I saw Tris take off I simply reacted, I didn't think anything past stopping Tris from running away.

"Clearly" he rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and glared at me. It wasn't like before when he tried to intimidate me. He just looked upset.

"The stress of everything just got to us." I offered as an explanation. "I'm sorry for leaving the compound" I looked at him. I was only apologizing for what I did wrong. I wanted to make that clear. I wasn't sorry for the conversation we had last night. I wasn't sorry for what I had said. At least I was honest. At least I was brave enough to say what I felt.

"You two will need to be reprimanded." Eric slid back behind his Dauntless leader mask. "Both of you will be bumped down in your rankings" He said as he turned to leave.

"She said Hi." I scrambled out causing Eric to pause. "Your mom, she said hi." 

"How was she?" he asked without turning around. "How did she look?"

"She's really nice" I smiled. "She looked good." I offered and Eric accepted it and left. I don't know why I wanted him to know about her. That I met with her.

Yes I did.

One of his fears is her being in danger, of her being hurt. Even if I was done with him I wanted him to have some relief about her. And I know he would do the same for me... Or maybe he wouldn't and I was just thinking he was better than he actually was.

I waited for a moment placing some actual distance between us. I didn't want to have to see him so soon. I know it was foolish of me to assume we wouldn't cross paths. He was a leader and I an initiate. He was responsible for me, for my training. That's it. That was his role this entire time and I had twisted it, or played into something else. I didn't know what Eric wanted from me. Why he chose to help me. Why he chose to let down his guard around me. He told me he saw potential, but was that it? I wanted answers. He told me nothing last night, but fuck that. He wasn't going to get off that easy. I gave him last night to think, and now he can talk. I'll make him talk.

I rushed past Tris and Tobias. Both of them calling my name but then I heard Tris telling him to leave me. They both must have registered the look on my face. I stalked around the hallways and nothing. Everyone that passed me avoided me. I had heard my name but ignored it. It wasn't until I was being pulled back that I realized who was calling me.

"Theo" Uriah held on to me making me face him. "I was calling you, are you ok?" his face and tone were heavy with worry.

"I'm fine, I just have to go" I tried to pull away but he refused to let me go.

"Theo talk to me." Uriah was firm. "Just talk to me." Something in his face broke through. I was still mad, I was still fuming, but Uriah just looked at me. In that gaze I surrendered. Sensing a shift Uriah pulled me in and embraced me. He held me tightly until he felt me relax. He held me like Eric did. How Eric used to. I pulled away and looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"Everything" I breathed. Uriah held my hand and pulling me through the compound for a while and finally stopped. We were at the same ledge he took me to after we had visited the wall those weeks ago. He sat pulling me down with him. And we sat. I said nothing as I listened to the water rushed underneath our feet. Uriah sat with me and waited. Waited for me to say what everything meant.

I wasn't ready.

I had exposed myself to Eric and where did that get me? I was left with nothing. I had no answers and I began to feel that anger begin to build once again. I felt a warmth cover my hand. I looked down to see Uriah covering my hand with his. The tension slowly dissipating.

"Still soft" he said to what sounded like himself. Like he didn't mean to say out loud. I turned to him and laughed. I laughed harder than I expected and he laughed with me. His laugh faltered when I started hitch my breath. Tears threatened to expose me. Expose how sad I was, how heartbroken I truly was. My vision was blurred as water flowed from my eyes. Uriah pulled me into him and rested my head on his chest while wrapping an arm around me. This was such a sweet gesture, one filled with love.

I knew now sitting here with Uriah, that I didn't just start to fall for Eric. I had already, truly fallen for him. I had no idea what I was feeling for him because I had never been in love. Not real love. Maybe I was dumb and inexperienced in these matters, but I now knew what I felt. What I feel. I told Eric I had fallen for him, but I didn't know what that really meant. Now I did. I fully understand now what this is. But even now in my mind I won't say the words.

Eric made me feel safe. Eric felt like home. Feelings that I was deprived of growing up. Feelings felt for the wrong man. I had fallen for the man who would killed me if he knew what I really was. I was the very thing he wanted to hunt. The very thing that threatened his way of life. Divergent. I didn't care about being different, or special or whatever being Divergent meant. Not like Tris and Tobias. They kept digging at this Divergent result. I didn't care. None of it mattered to me. I just wanted to live my life. I wanted my brother and friends. I wanted away from abnegation. I wanted to- to... I just wanted to live.

"Thank you" I said softly. Uriah rubbed my back gently.

"I'm always here for you Theo" he placed a chaste kiss on the top of my head. Why couldn't I love Uriah. Tris was right. We had a connection. From the moment he pulled me on to train after the choosing ceremony. Uriah has always been there for me. I pulled away and looked at him fully. Uriah's dark brown eyes were soft and bright. His small grin permanently residing on his face.

"I wish I could love you like you deserve" I admitted truthfully. Uriah wiped the tears from my face gently.

"I do too" Uriah placed another kiss on my forehead and we sat on ledge for the rest of the night.