Falling

The Bad Boy

Distraction

Distraction, that's exactly what I needed to help me get over Shawn. I tried everything I could but could not get him out of my head. I was still broken and was afraid I would be for a while.

But as K. Michelle says, "and they think I don't love em, but I love em all. I need another one to get over the other one."

That was my theme song for a while, as I didn't seem to give myself time to get it together. But I knew I needed a distraction and the bad boy we will call him was precisely that.

Who doesn't love a bad boy covered in tattoos?

He always knew what to say, but he treated me like an option. I let myself become a doormat for him to think it was okay to come and go as he pleased. And when I found out I was pregnant for a second time, he was not thrilled and even swore it wasn't his.

Ouch, that stung, but what hurt more was him not being there for anything. I should've known this was a bad idea, but I fell for his words, silly me.

His POV
I've waited a while to be with her, but she wasn't who I was expecting her to be. She's beautiful, but she has too many responsibilities. I, on the other hand, have none. I can't be who she needs me to be, and her son annoys me. Now we are going to have a baby? What did I get myself into? I don't even take care of my son....

Through the midst of this, Shawn had reached out to me too, of course, apologize and say how foolish he was to hurt me like that. Texts that read,
Kayla
I know you probably don't wanna talk, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I was an ass for the way I treated you
I know you loved me; everyone knew it
I miss you

As much as I wanted to see him again to fill this void I had, I couldn't. That hurt even more not being able to keep those sparks alive. I didn't bother telling him I was pregnant; I didn't know what to say, not that this bad boy would've cared. He was always the center of attention to anyone else anyway.

My mom had warned me about boys like him and the bad boy, but of course, I didn't listen.

April of 2013
I gave birth to our daughter; he was in the room, and I thought we would be okay. But of course, not somebody else had his attention at best. He wouldn't even sign the birth certificate for my daughter. He mentioned that she would be a burden like his son was anyway. When she got older, she married, and her last name would change. Stupid me, I gave her his last name always...

I was just another pawn in this sick game. And soon became something to be talked about throughout social media.

What I did to deserve this, I'll never know, but now I was a single mother of two kids and living at his mothers' house at that. We would still fight as if we were together, which never made sense. I needed to leave, so I moved back home to my mom's, and he would occasionally see our daughter, but someone else was always more important.

I did what I needed to do and eventually got my first apartment in April 2014, right before my daughter turned two. This was the relief I needed, the eye-opener, and I decided from that moment I wouldn't be second to anyone...

"Hey Siri, play Love 'Em All by K. Michelle."