Falling

Pain

"Hey Siri, play Pain by Nessa Barrett."

Pain
A feeling that lingers and continues as long as we let it.

I'm not sure if pain could even describe how I felt now and in the months to come. I had hoped we could all forget about what had happened. But the detective assigned to our case emailed me and said the prosecutors' office wasn't pressing charges. It made no sense to me, and she never gave me any explanation as to why not. If someone is already a convicted sex offender and my sons' word was not enough, then why even take my case? Whatever.

I went through the next few months pissed off at the world. I had no care for anything at all, and I felt bad for anyone who had got in my way. But I couldn't control this rage at all. And there wasn't anyone that could've helped me either. So I took it out on the people I loved, mainly Matt.

We would argue every day and over stupid things most of the time. But I loved it. I lived for this wildly since everything else in my life has been fucking up anyway. A sick twisted part of me didn't want the fighting to end because this is what I was used to. I never really knew how to hold onto the good things in my life. For it had been disappointment after disappointment, or so it seemed.

Sure he didn't deserve my pain, but he stuck with me even when he shouldn't have. But eventually, it led to me ignoring him for hours if I was at work. I was never replying or always yelling about something. It always led to intimacy issues as well. I hated myself, and why should I share myself with anyone else. When everyone in my life has proved correct that my life was meaningless, I became distant probably as much as I could and once again began pushing the good things away, and that meant Matt.

But when you're called crazy or a psycho and never really asked what's wrong, you learn to become those things. And on top of that, he didn't have a job! He eventually started hanging out with his best friend Nick again, and they were always together. My kids still went to daycare while he sat at home and did nothing that pissed me off. Because if I allow you to live in our house without a job, the least you could do is help me.

He started going places at night, and I never thought anything of it. Because I knew him and nick was always together. It didn't dawn on me until he started taking his phone with him into the bathroom whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. But again, I wasn't overthinking it. It was almost Christmas time, and I was stressing about getting the kids Christmas presents. We were on our way to drop the kids off then go to college. We both had a few classes together, and we set that up purposely like that. But it began...

" I'M TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANY FUCKING HELP. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!" I yelled.
I yelled until I couldn't anymore because he wasn't trying to help our situation at all.
"YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS SO MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME. I'M TIRED." I yelled.
But then, of course, he had something to say,
"I DON'T WANT THAT FUCKING HOUSE ANYWAY. IT COST TOO MUCH AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET A JOB. I NEVER SAID MY FRIENDS WERE MORE IMPORTANT. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS ANYMORE!." He yelled.

We finally made it to the college, and, of course, we're still arguing.
He told me, "give me the keys cause I'm not going to class with you." "And where do you think you're going? I'm not giving you my keys." I said. He replied, "Idk but somewhere other than here." I told him, "you're not getting my keys. Just come to class." And with that, he walked away. I kept texting him, and he said he had gone to Nick's. YEAH, WELL, Nick didn't have a place to live! So, where did he go?

I had his car at my house because we took his car to school that day. He was texting me here and there but said he couldn't find a ride home. I was pissed like no other, and I told him I wasn't coming to get him. He's the one who walked away so he could find his ride. I even made dinner for him that night for nothing. I couldn't take it anymore. I sent a text that said, " you know what? To find a new fucking girlfriend."

And somehow, amid either that morning or us fighting, he blocked Nick and Nick's ex-girlfriend Katie on my Facebook....
Can you guess what happens next?