Falling

Here we go again

I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID TO BELIEVE A WORD HE EVER SAID.
A FEW MONTHS AFTER, WE MOVED INTO THE HOUSE TOO.

Meanwhile, he was bragging to his friends that he cheated on me. I even went to Facebook to talk shit about myself. Said I'm a whore, and no wonder my other three baby dads didn't want me. Even his new girlfriend was running her mouth about me. Saying I needed liposuction to get rid of my cellulite. NEWS FLASH lipo doesn't get rid of cellulite honey. But whatever.

I never talked about him on social media afterward. I never entertained any of it. But each day, he would continue to talk more shit. Like he was not just engaged to me two weeks ago! It's kind of funny how people act and switch up so fast.

Kayla's POV
ALL TO GET HIS DICK WET! I'm sorry I could never be like her. And before he met her, none of this probably would've happened. How could I let this happen? What the fuck.

I needed time alone, and that's precisely what I did.
I couldn't sit there and be with someone else; my heart hurt for him. He was my first severe actual relationship. But I didn't matter to him anymore. Just as he was talking about me on Facebook, I was working on being promoted at my job. I got promoted twice within six months! But I had to do what I could for my kids.

Every night I would cry and hope to hear from him. Every night I hated myself even more than the night before. I questioned my worth, and nobody should ever have to feel like that over a fucking BOY.

A check had come in the mail for him from the college, and I initially would drop it off at his moms'. But he texted me saying he would come to pick it up. He came to my house while dropping my neighbor off at work and walked right in the front door; WTF. And my kids were saying, dad, you're back? Dad? And he wouldn't even acknowledge them. When I pulled into the driveway, he was there, but he had someone with him... IT WAS KATIE.

How dare he bring that bitch to my house?! She said she wanted to fight all over social media but didn't say a damn word to me. FUCK HIM. He can piss off now. That was super fucking low of him to do. I could never.

I handed him the check and walked away; he dared to say "thanks..". YEAH, NO THANK YOU for showing me exactly what I didn't want. THANKS, A FUCKING LOT.

Abandonment trauma will have you surrounding yourself with dysfunctional people who need you to take care of them because you know that people who rely on you can't leave you. But you deserve more than a life spent cleaning up other people's messes by default. You deserve healthy loved ones who understand boundaries and breaks. You deserve to be consciously chosen. To be more than necessary. More than useful. To be wanted. 🖤🖤🖤

Fast forward to six months
Six long months at that...