Falling

Move on

Of course, it should be obvious what happens now.

Matt never came home.
And it led to a few days of him not coming home.

I knew his passwords to his T-Mobile account, and I logged onto see if he was texting someone else. Invasion of privacy, I know, but he was my fiancée. So what was I supposed to do?! It turns out the number I texted was one of fucking friends. And he was an asshole and wouldn't tell me where he was even though he knew damn well where Matt was.

I got onto my best friend Felicia's Facebook and was messaging Katie. Because I knew that's where he was because where else would Nick have been? I told her that if she knew what was good for her, she would stay away from him. That she knew he was engaged even when she met him. Matt was still liking everything I posted on IG and texting me every so often. But he wouldn't come home.

What a fucking coward.
Neither of us said it was over, so that's what was confusing to me...

One night I was at work until midnight. He had been trying to text me and say he needed space. That I was a psycho, and I needed mental help blah blah. I asked him if he would be at the house when I got there because we needed to talk. And he replied with "maybe."

Yeah well,
Maybe never came. Instead, the kids and I go home, and all of his stuff is gone. I had packed up his hats and other things a few days prior because he wasn't coming home. And I lost it! My daughter kept asking me, mommy, why are you crying? I just told her that mommy was upset and I would be ok. But I wasn't okay. I didn't understand how someone could toy with my emotions like that.

Eventually, he and his mother came to get his stuff. And I'm talking about most of the things in our house, which means the tv, tv stand, dresser, nightstand, and even the bed. I had to sleep on my couch for months because it hurt to sleep in that room. I hated going to work because he was literally there for everything I did and everywhere I went. I eventually deleted his number, but he would text me talking shit and threatening to have someone fight me and whatever else because a few of my friends had messaged him to let him know how stupid he was.

Went from me, who has a job and was in college, a house and a place of her own, to someone who didn't work at all? MAKES SENSE, RIGHT.
He even moved in with her! Since that day, he walked to where nick was. He walked to Katie's apartment... And he slept with her the next day, as he says.  But we all know this didn't just happen overnight.
GOD I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID.

I eventually lost over 20lbs, and my clothes began to fall off of me. That was sickening if I said so. His email was linked to my phone still, and there was an email one night that Katie had invited him to this fertility tracker app. I threw my phone across the room. I ran into the bathroom and was puking up blood. I couldn't eat every time I tried; I would gag. The only thing I could stomach was protein shakes, and I was not too fond of it. I needed to take care of myself, but I was hurt and beyond hurt. Yet another thing has gone in my life...

"Dear Mark,
You're the one with the words, but my side should be heard. I think it's fucking absurd you talk about me when you rap about her. All of your songs hear about all of my wrongs. Like you never played me like long. Like you never went out and did anything wrong. It's crazy forever turned into so long. And now you're gone, I had to move on."

"Hey Siri, play Move On by Witt Lowry."