Falling

The Move

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
SEXUAL ASSUALT

It was a moving day! My brothers and dad helped me load up my SUV as high I could, and we grabbed a u haul and headed out. I was so excited to be in a house and not an apartment, finally! I couldn't wait for Matt to get home and see it! Plus, everyone has their rooms. No more sharing the room with the baby. Life was going to be great this time.

Surprise
One day I'm cleaning the main bathroom, and here comes Matt in uniform, saying he's finally home. I was so excited I jumped up into his arms, and he shut the door behind him. I could feel the hunger just by him looking at me. I wasn't prepared for what would happen, but he took me on the floor right there. It was like the first time all over again, and with each touch, I craved more. It gave me flashbacks of Shawn... but this time, it felt different, felt like it meant more. However, we couldn't stay on the floor long since the kids were home, no thanks. You don't need any walk-ins.

But something was brewing inside of me, something that I could not control. Something I needed to get help over, but I didn't know how or where to start...

Backtracking to March 2016

Kayla's POV
"HE WHAT?!", "you cannot be serious...", "are you fucking kidding me!". My heart broke for what I thought would be the LAST time. I had hoped nothing else would happen. But my heart broke in a way I can't begin to explain. My anger grew probably ten times that day, and I've never hated anyone or anything more than this moment and this said person. As soon as I got this phone call and correctly heard what I thought I was hearing, something inside me snapped. I just had no idea how bad it would get...

I left my daughters' grandma's house after picking her up, and I drove like a bat out of hell to my mothers' house. I didn't say a word to Matt even though he was in the passenger seat. I told my mother what I was just told on the phone, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I WILL KILL HIM; I SWEAR IT," I said. My mom knew that wasn't the intelligent thing to do, and we should just let it play out how it's supposed to. I took her word for it, but I still can't fathom this.

For my oldest son hadn't seen his dad in over five years. I had thought that five years would be long enough. Hoping that Mark has changed that he would at least be who he needed for my son. My son could finally have a relationship with him because every time he asked me about him, I couldn't say much because I didn't know what to say other than I was sorry, and he would see someday why it's this way.
But when I received a phone call from my sons counselor at school notifying me that my son told him Mark was touching him inappropriately.... I SNAPPED.

My world had been broken into two because as parents we are supposed to protect our kids and always be there. I felt like I failed as a mother and as many things and yet again like it was my fault.

MY FAULT
MY FAULT
I SHOULD'VE NEVER AGREED TO LET HIM SEE HIM.
HOW COULDN'T I HAVE KNOWN?

I hated myself for this and I hated myself for not seeing any signs. How could I have not known?! Everyday something inside me screamed trying to get out. I just kept quiet and tried to be nice to everyone around me.
When I told Matt he cried in fact we cried together. Because how could someone be so fucking sick in their head! Mark had hurt me but I never thought he would've hurt our son, MY SON. But it's like they always say "never say never."

"HEY SIRI, play I hope ur miserable until ur dead by Nessa Barrett."