Red vs blue and purple

We Must Rebuild

Fade in and pan down to Grif and Simmons and Tucker and Sabine.

Grif: They destroyed it all, Simmons, those damn stupid bastards. They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to Hell! Those damn dirty apes!

Simmons: Calm down Grif, we don't know that the whole world is like this.

Sabine: Yeah dude.

Grif: Yes it is, they destroyed it all. I guess the society of men just wasn't meant to survive.

Simmons: Hey how 'bout this: how 'bout we explore, more than two square miles, before we jump to any conclusions.

Sabine: I agree.

Grif: It was definitely nuclear weapons, that's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages which caused the failsafe to fail, which released a super bacteria from a secret lab.

Simmons: Oh come on.

Grif: That caused a huge plague, and as the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the Earth and feast on human flesh.

Simmons: What?

Grif: A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the legions of the infected radioactive undead at bay, using only their wits, and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science and engineering. Everything was looking good... and that's when the meteor hit.

Simmons: I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever.

Tucker: Naw. Hollywood doesn't understand apocalypse. They think that just one thing from everyday life goes away and that changes everything. Like in Road Warrior it was gas, and in Waterworld it was land.

Simmons: What went away in The Matrix?

Tucker: Sunlight.

Grif: I thought the missing element was plot.

Tucker: I'm talkin about Matrix One.

Simmons: Oh right.

Sabine: That movie did not make any sense because the plot wasn't there.

Grif: Face it Simmons, the age of man is done.

Simmons: If all that happened, then were are the zombies? Why aren't they still around?

Grif: The meteor killed them!

Simmons: And what about the super bacteria?

Grif: It was infected by alien bacteria brought by the meteor, and was wiped out in a massive bacteria on bacteria plague. Very ironic.

Sabine: Okay that was good and I have to ask, why aren't you a movie director for apocalyptic movies?

Simmons: Okay, then why haven't we been infected by the new alien bacteria?

Grif: It only infects other bacteria. Are you even listening to me?

Sabine: Again, why aren't you a director for an apocalyptic movie? You'd be really good at it.

Tucker: Do you guys ever get anything done, or you do you just stand around and talk all day?

Grif: We don't get paid enough to do stuff.

Tucker: But what about Church, idiot? How're we gonna get him from the past to the future?

Grif: I guess he can just wait. That's how it usually works.

Tucker: But when he gets to the present, he'll just be destroyed like everything else.

Simmons: Well, he'll just have to fix it on his own then.

Grif: And if he's successful, he'll get to live through the coolest apocalypse of all time!

Sarge: Simmons, Grif, Sabine, get yer keesters over here.

As they leave Sabine looks at Tucker.

Sabine: Hey Tucker?

Tucker: Yeah?

Sabine: I just wanted to say that what you did back at the gulch, running into battle, was really brave. Not many people do that.

Sabine walks away as Tucker just blushes follows her.

Cut to Donut and Caboose standing next to what seems at first glance to be a jeep, but could really be anything in the future day and age.

Caboose: Look what I found.

Donut: I found it!

Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding.

Sabine: I like you Caboose.

Sarge: A-mazing that these two actually accomplished something.

Grif: It looks like some kind of an alien transport mechanism that could be used to-

Simmons: Or, it's a jeep.

Grif: You have no imagination.

Sarge: Hmmm, let me see if I can get this thing working.

Simmons: How? There's no parts. And what're you gonna use for fuel?

Sarge: Grif was right, Simmons. You don't have any imagination.

Grif: Thank you sir.

Sarge: Shut up, scumbag, we're not having a moment.

Sabine: Imagination is what made Leonardo DiCaprio make the first plane. Without imagination, then.............. We won't have art and that is not a path I want to cross.

Tucker: Hey. We need to find Church.

Sarge: He's dead, son. Why haven't you given up hope yet and just moved on.

Tucker: It's only been a couple of hours!

Sarge: Well this should make you feel better. When his body blasted in to smithereens, at least he took all our enemies with him.

Sabine: You do realize that he's literally a ghost right?

Cut to a beach, with a sign saying "Danger: No Swimming" with a picture of a shark on it.

Lopez: Peligro. Error. Error. Peligro. Error. Error. No puedo sentir mi cuerpo...[Warning. Error. Error. Warning. Error. Error. I cannot feel my body...] (as if winding down)

O'Malley: (evil laugh) Don't worry, my metallic friend. You'll be up and about in no time. Muhahahaha. Muhhh-hahaha-heh. U-ha! Haw. Ha-ha. Uhngh. (cough) Hah!