Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00
Grif: Howh, just two minutes left.
Sarge: Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!
Simmons: I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir.
Tucker: (hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon) What if we just beat on these window shutters together? We can get 'em open.
Sarge: No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!
Sabine: Suicidal old man.
Tucker: (jumping up in the now open window) But I can see daylight!
Sarge: It's true. Only a miracle can save us now.
Cut to the computer with Church
Computer: teleporter complete. slightly behind schedule.
Church: (with a white beard all the way to Tibet) You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes.
Computer: knock knock.
Church: Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?
Computer: yes. do you have a plan yet?
Church: I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time.
Computer: and?
Church: Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying.
Computer: (with a glaring typo) that's a given.
Church: And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumpin' from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too.
Computer: because you secretly love her.
Church glares at the computer with a tint on his cheeks.
Church: Oh don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her.
Computer: sounds easy.
Church: Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze.
Computer: ready to transport.
Church: Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years.
Computer: it's gary. but thanks for asking. see you in a few hundred years.
Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by Church with no beard to Tibet running up to the same spot
Church: Computer, you've got to send me back!
Gary: to blood gulch? you just left.
Church: No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man I totally screwed everything up!
Gary: how?
Cut to Blood Gulch, with Sarge constructing Lopez's lower half
Grif: (in the Red Base) Hey Sarge!
Sarge: What now?
Grif: Command's on the phone, they want to talk to you about some kind of upcoming delivery!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs blue and purple
FanfictionThe reds and blues have been separated and Tex is back. As Sabine finds out more about her past and she meets another freelancer, that wants her dead for unknown reasons. Can Sabine protect her friends while finding out more about her past? Read to...
