Sweet innocence ~ Jegulus

39.

CW: mild sexual content
~

It had been a week since they'd last spoken. A week since Regulus broke up with him.

James was in bed, sprawled out on his back, staring up into the darkness. He knew that it was late, he probably should be sleeping but he couldn't... not with his mind lingering on Regulus.

It had been a week since he'd been able to touch Regulus, feel his soft curls between his fingers, smell his expensive shampoo.

A week since he'd had the luxury of sharing the same breath as the younger boy. Felt his soft lips against his own.

James lifted his head to check if his curtains had been drawn, they were. He grabbed his wand from under his pillow and rushed out a quick silencing charm.

Laying back, James thought about Regulus again. His soft, gentle hands, his piercing eyes that James was sure could see into people's souls, his cute little nose that scrunched up whenever Regulus heard something he didn't like or when he tried to contain his laughter.

James dragged his hands down his face, letting out a shaky breath. He closed his eyes and trailed a hand down his bare chest. James shifted slightly, his fingers toying with the waistband of his underwear.

He bit his lip, letting out low ragged breaths. He thought of Regulus's voice, the smoothness of it. He thought of Regulus's laugh.

James's hand slid under the waistband and further down into his boxers. He let it rest on top of his crotch for a minute, just thinking. Thinking about what he was doing.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't turn back now. He was already painfully hard.

"Fuck." James hissed when he finally grabbed his length in one hand, just holding it. If Regulus knew what he was doing, would he be angry?

James would rather Regulus be angry with him rather than continue to ignore his existence. He could handle yelling, hexing even- it was the silence between them that was driving him mad.

His mind was racing with thoughts about the Slytherin that he hadn't even notice that he was moving his hand up and down. He clenched his eyes shut, trying hard not to think about Regulus anymore.

Of course, trying not to think about him only made James think about Reggie even more. His mind wandered to the time the Marauders had snuck into the Slytherin dorms to hex Snape, when Sirius had brought them into Regulus's room. He thought about how Regulus's chest glistened with water droplets, how low his towel hung on his waist.

"Fuck." James breathed out as he turned his head into his pillow, muffling his heavy breathing. "Fuck, Reggie." James's hips pushed off the bed, jerking forward into his hand.

James thought about how Regulus had a tendency to look up at him through his eyelashes. The act itself was fairly innocent, but when Regulus did it- fuck it was like he was trying to fluster James.

James's hips bucked into his hand, his whole body spasming as his orgasm washed over him. He sunk into the bed, breathing hard as he came down from the high that followed an orgasm.

Once he caught his breath again, James looked down at his hand. He should have been ashamed, he should have regretted jacking off to the thought of Regulus, the boy who made it perfectly clear that they couldn't be friends let  alone anything more than that.

But he wasn't ashamed.

All he wanted to do now was find Regulus and fix things between them.

***

Regulus wasn't sleeping. The week after the break up, he'd spent most of his nights under his blanket, crying. Of course he knew that his relationship with James couldn't last forever. They'd both eventually be expected to marry a nice witch and produce grandchildren for their parents, but Regulus hadn't let himself think about that while they were together.

Now, it was all he could think about. James running back to Lily and riding off into the sunset while Regulus sulked about for the rest of his life because he was sure that he'd never love anyone nearly as much as he loves James.

James had begged him not to break up, and though Regulus wanted so badly to give in and continue to live in their perfect fantasy, he couldn't. His parents would surely hurt James the moment they found out that Regulus hadn't immediately broken off their relationship. And Regulus could not risk that.

Since his arrival back at Hogwarts, it seemed that everyone knew that he and James had broken up and his fellow Slytherins were doing everything in their power to remind him of his heartbreak every chance they got. Whether it was pointing out James in the halls while they walked to class or making sly comments about Regulus's relationship with the Gryffindor at the dinner table in the great hall.

Every aspect of Regulus's life became a constant reminder of Regulus's heartbreak. He couldn't even look at the portraits that lined the walls of the castle without remembering the silly stories that James would make up about them, he couldn't go to the library without daydreaming about all of the times that he and the Marauders had spent in there.

It was all starting to take a toll on him.

"You look like shit." Barty said, laying next to Regulus on his bed. Regulus huffed out a forced laugh, turning on his side to face his best friend. "Thanks, I feel like it too." Regulus mumbled, taking a deep breath. Barty tutted, rolling on his side to match Regulus's position.

"Forget about Potter, let's do something fun." Barty said, frowning at Regulus. "Easier said than done, Barty. I can't just forget the person that I am in love with. Doesn't work like that." Regulus muttered grimly.

"What about obliviate?" Barty thought out loud, earning a cold glare from Regulus. "What the fuck? Why would you say that to me?" Regulus exclaimed, sitting up in his bed. Barty followed his actions, giving Regulus an apologetic look. "I didn't mean to say that, Reg. I swear, it was an accident." He said.

"An accident? How could that be an accident?" Regulus huffed, standing up to pace the room. "I just meant that you shouldn't let yourself worry about him so much." Barty mumbled, earning a pointed glare from Regulus. "And why not? Why can't I worry about the boy that I love?" Regulus exclaimed, stopping at the foot of the bed.

Barty hesitated a moment before answering. "Because he doesn't deserve you. You can do better." Barty muttered, eyes casted down onto the bedsheets. Regulus scoffed, throwing his arms up dramatically. "Better? Who the hell could be better than James?" He asked incredulously.

"Me." Barty blurted. Regulus looked down at him, frowning. "What?" Regulus mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows. Barty sighed, sitting up straighter. "Me, I could be better than Potter. I've known you longer, I know everything about you Reg." Barty said, standing on his feet. He walked around the bed, going closer to Regulus. "I have loved you since third year, give me a chance." Barty whispered, his hands going up to Regulus's confused face.

Regulus didn't say anything, his eyebrows still furrowed in confusion and slight anger. Barty sighed, leaning down towards Regulus. "Don't even think about it." Regulus snapped, pushing Barty back. Regulus scoffed, shaking his head in disappointment.

He practically ran to the door of their dorm, leaving without looking back. He had to get far away from Barty.