Mother ➳ Ally Brooke

thirteen

We went back to the bus so my Mom and her friends could get ready to perform later tonight.
We were all sitting in the lounge room when Will, the stage manager, poked his head into the bus, "Girls, we need you to get inside and glam up."
Everyone nodded and got up from the couches to head out. Mom looked back at me and smiled, "Do you wanna come to see us perform tonight?" I could see she was hopeful given the fact that we actually bonded today without fighting.
I quickly responded, "Nah, go ahead. I'm actually really tired. I think I'll just stay here and sleep for a little while then maybe I'll sneak in for the last few songs."
She frowned but nodded knowing that I needed my space to breathe. Once she left, I stayed put for at least 10 minutes before I got up from the couch to carefully sneak outside and go to the carrying compartments to pull out my suitcase and bring it inside to rummage through.

I brought it in to set it on the couch in front of me. I started digging through to find it tucked beneath a pile of Nike socks. I opened the bottle and went to my bunk to put at least over half the bottle of pills into a old allergy bottle. Then I grabbed five for myself to take periodically, and stuffed them in my pocket before placing it back into the suitcase and zipping it up. That way if Aunt Lo still wanted to confiscate them, she could and I would have no problem having them taken away. Well, at least until I ran out again.

After putting the suitcase back into the compartment, I carefully slipped myself back into the bus, and jumped into my bunk with a bottle of coke, and 2 pills in hand. With a swift flick of the wrist, I brought the pills to my mouth and carefully swallowed them down.

I took my phone out of the satin pouch on the side of my bunk so I could relax and let the pills take over me. While scrolling through tumblr, I got a text notification. It was Kara.

Kara: long time no talk ;)

Y/N: it really has been. I've been meaning to tell you sorry about that whole car thing. I didn't know she would embarrass me like that ha

Kara: lol it's cool. she was just trying to get you on the bus. did you get into a lot of trouble?

Y/N: not really. I kinda just got myself out of it like usual

Kara: wow what a rebellious young woman you are. I like it ;)

Y/N: I was hoping you would ;)

Kara: ok, so can I be honest with you? ya know, about that night?

Y/N: go ahead. I'm all about honesty

Kara: I haven't really been able to get you off my mind. Like, I've been trying to be cool and wait to text you but I can't. you're something :)

Y/N: is that a good 'something'?

Kara: yes :) I really want to see you again but you're probably really far away now

Y/N: trust me. I am. but I would love to see you again too. and maybe when I'm not drunk off my ass. does that sound like a good plan?

Kara: it sounds like the best plan I could ever think of

I put my headphones in so I could listen to some music while I let the Oxys take over me. I put on some chill oldies like some Rap and Rock, with a little R&B. Stuff that most people wouldn't really think I listen to. To be honest, I listen to anything and everything. My Dad taught me how to appreciate music. And if it has a good meaning, or sound, we'd get hooked easily.

My eyes slowly closed and I tried to channel some good thoughts and emotions as the waves of drugs piled up inside of me to make me feel so warm and happy. I felt someone nudge my side but I didn't move. They pulled my earbuds out of my ears harshly which pained me. I opened my eyes to see Aunt Lo. I groaned, "What the hell is wrong with you? You almost pulled my ears off."
"Maybe some pain will do you good." She laughed. "Now, get up out of bed and come with me to the dressing room."
I turned over to my side, "Just let me rest. I'll be up in a little bit. I'm just kind of exhausted."
"Turn over."
"No." I replied while hugging the wall.

Aunt Lo put her hands on my hips and turned me over to look at her. She studied me before her eyes got wide, "Please tell me you're not on that stuff again."
How can she even tell? Don't admit it. She won't know if you don't tell her. "I dunno what you're talking about."
"Bull shit. You are going to go out there and get me those pills so I can flush them down the toilet where they belong."

I knew this would happen. I sat up slightly to swing my legs over and almost fall out of the bunk. Luckily, Lauren caught me in time to place me safely on the ground. I swerved my feet out of the bus to lazily pull open the compartment and grab my suitcase once again. I grabbed the bottle out, zipped the luggage up, and slowly made my way back into the bus. She was standing in the middle of the lounge room with her hands on her hips, and a serious look on her face. When I got closer, she held out her hand and I placed the bottle in her hand before pushing past her to try and jump back into my bunk.

I put one foot up on the bed below me to try to give myself the agility to jump. I barely made it off the floor when Aunt Lo wrapped her arms around my waist to pull me away from the bunk. "You aren't getting away that easily." She pulled me back into the lounge room to throw me on the couch. I slouched down and looked at her feeling extreme stress permeate my body. The pills were doing their job but the counteracting affects of Lauren Jauregui were making me feel the wrong things.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? I told you that this stuff is like Heroin. It's addictive and can kill you. Do you not care?" She yelled. I just sat there and looked at her blankly. The Oxys were causing me to be extremely silent. "You're already so fucked up off your ass you can't even understand me."
"I understand. I just don't want to answer." I replied coldly.
"Would you like to answer to your Mom? You know she told us she was really proud of you today and she thought that maybe things would be turning around for you. How do you think she'd feel if I went to tell her that her daughter is taking pills again? Do you think she'll be heartbroken? Yes. I know she will." Her harsh words made shivers go up and down my spine.

I don't want to hurt my Mom because I love her. The only reason I act like this is because I don't want to be like her. I don't know why. I mean, she's an amazing person that everyone loves to be around, but I just can't be her. I don't want to be her. I guess it's because I'll never be as successful as the famous 'Ally Brooke'. I've been told that my whole life and I know it's true.

"Don't tell her. I just need an escape, okay? That's all this is." I begged trying to keep my dignity in tact as much as possible.
"An escape from what? You have everything you could want and more. Why would you want to escape?" Lauren asked not fully understanding anything I was trying to subconsciously say.

Just then, the tour bus door opened and a small Cuban walked up the stairs to see the both of us in the lounge room.

When she scanned the area, her eyes widened and she stopped. I could hear her voice crack a little when she spoke, "Lo, why do you have those pills?"
Lauren looked to me and back to her wife with big eyes, "Babe, it's not what it looks like."
"Lauren, I thought you quit this. You told me you didn't take pills anymore." Camila said and her brown eyes started to brim with tears.
"It's not that at all, babe. I told you I got off them for you and Ezzie, and I did. You gotta believe me." Lauren begged.
"If those aren't your pills, then who's are they?" Camila asked crossing her arms and becoming more stern once the tears dropped down from her eyes.