Mother ➳ Ally Brooke

nineteen

YOUR POV

My eyes slowly fluttered open. I felt horrible. I couldn't move at all. My body was like a big broken plate. It was destroyed. I tried to get my vision to become more clear as I scanned the unknown area with my eyes. It was all white. Did I actually do it? Did I actually get away from that life?

"Hey there, sis." I heard a familiar voice say next to me.
I slightly turned my head to see my older brother, Jason, sitting in a chair beside me. "Jase, where the hell am I?" I grogged feeling my throat become tighter.
"The hospital." He answered back with a soft tone.
My facial expression changed completely. I guess I didn't make it out. "Oh."
"Oh? You don't sound enthused to see your big brother." He joked. "I heard you took a swim and came out with these battle scars."
I tried to sit up a little and nodded, "Yeah, my calculations for the drop were a little off obviously." I slightly smiled to show him Im joking although my body isn't a joke at the moment.
"You gave us all a heart attack." He frowned.
I did my best to shrug, "Shit happens. And who's us? I only see you in the room."
He scooted back in the chair and lifted his legs to rest them on the guard rail of my bed. "They're all out getting dinner to bring back here. Well, Auntie Mani and Dinah are. Lauren and Camila are talking on the phone talking to Esmeralda in the waiting room and Mom and Dad are talking to the doctor."
"Sounds like the whole gang is here." I smiled.
"You know I don't mind your jokes, but they won't be happy with your little puns when they see you." He answered back.
"Oh well. This is how I push things away. Make jokes and pray to God that people laugh with me. I mean I can't just hold a grudge to my past mistakes." I replied feeling my throat become dryer but not really willing to ask for help.
"Well, I know that but no one else does." He nodded, "Just be careful of everyone's feelings. Usually I wouldn't care but they're all a little worked up."
"Aye Aye Cap'n' Jase." I smirked.

I heard footsteps start shuffling in. When they passed the curtain, I noticed who it was. It was Mom and Dad.

Mom's facial expressions were as if she was happy yet sad to see me. "My baby is awake." She said in a weak tone as she got closer and hugged me tight.
"Ow, stop." I said to her causing her to pull away.
She placed a kiss on my forrhead, "Sorry, baby. You just scared me."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry."

Although, I'm not sorry. I wanted out.

You're probably thinking I'm selfish. Why wouldn't you? I have a loving family including an amazing Dad, a cool older brother, and a mother who would buy me the world. Not to mention my 5 bad ass God-Aunts. That's not what it is. Mentally, I'm not okay. Emotionally, I'm not okay. I'm tired of being 'not okay'. No matter how hard I try to be happy with where I'm at, I'm not. No one could understand unless they were me. Unless you step into my shoes, you'll never understand how much I wish I could fight these thoughts and have a happy-go-lucky attitude like the rest of the world.

Mom pulled away to stand behind Jase with a fake smile on her face. I know she was trying to act happy that I'm alive but I know she probably blames herself for my current condotion. But she shouldn't.

Dad leaned in to kiss the top of my head, "Hey, baby girl. How do you feel?"
I gave him a blank stare, "I feel like I just got out of the strip club with Rihanna." I sarcastically retorted, "How else am I supposed to feel?"
"Jason, go get the nurse and tell her that Y/N woke up. She told us she needed to check her vitals when this happened." Mom directed him.
Jase nodded and got up to leave Mom, Dad, and I alone.

Mom pulled Jase's seat up to the bed and grabbed my hand. Hers was extremely sweaty. Almost as if she was nervous. "I know I shouldn't ask this so soon, but do you remember anything before you-"
"Before I jumped off a bridge? Yeah, but I'm not too keen on having a show and tell, Ma." I replied bitchily.
Dad spoke up, "Stop being a brat, Y/N. Your mother was just asking a question."
Mom gave Dad a pleading look, "No, babe. It's fine." She looked back at me half-heartedly, "You don't have to tell me. I'll go tell Camila and Lauren you're awake."

I just stayed quiet not completely sure how to respond to my fragile mother. She can't take my sarcasm or rudeness like the rest of the world can. She's sensitive and no matter what I say, she's going to be hurt. Id rather keep my mouth shut around her at all times, anyways.

"Can you please just be a little nice to your Mother? I know you just woke up and you aren't feeling good, but she was worried." Dad said hovering over me before putting his hand on my forehead. "You're burning up, too."
I sighed out, "Sorry, Dad. I just don't wanna talk about it. Couldn't you all just have the common decency to just leave me here. I don't see what the big deal is."
"The big deal?" He said with a strained voice, "The big deal is you jumped off a bridge. Not only that, you told Aunt Lauren to leave you there. We were all worried."
"Well, don't worry. I'm alive aren't I?" I replied with a soft voice which automatically coaxed my father into calming down.
He slowly leaned in to kiss my forehead, "Let's keep it that way."

After the nurse checked in on me, the room flooded with people and food. I just laid there staring at the wall and refusing to even acknowledge the things around me.

Lauren got in a chair close beside me while everyone's focus was on my room's TV. She held up a Reese's cup up to my mouth, "This is your favorite. You can have it if you want."
I shook my head, "I'm not
very hungry, Aunt Lo."
She frowned, "Come on. You gotta eat something. You've been on a damn feeding tube for the past few hours."
"Feeding tube?!" I screeched.
"Oh shit." Lauren muttered to herself. "That's not what I meant."
"You mean I was force fed while I was passed out." I whispered trying to keep my voice low enough so no one could hear me. Lauren nodded regretably. "For how long?"
"Just a little while." She whispered back.
"Tell me."
She held up the piece of candy, "Only if you eat this." I didn't want to eat it. At least not right now, but I grabbed the Reese's and stuffed it in my face. She silently cheered before replying, "About 4 hours."
"Four fucking hours. I was slowly fed hospital garbage for 4 damn hours. I feel sick." I replied feeling some light headedness take over.
"Hold that shit in. You won't be vomiting for a while." Lauren sternly said to me almost as if she knew something.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked with a sassy remark.
She sighed, "Camila, baby. You wanna come with me to go get some more Reese's for Y/N?"
"No more." I demanded.
Camila got up with a smile, "Sure sweetie."
"We'll be back." Lauren replied quirking her head to the side.