Walk With Me 1

31

Beyoncé

Nick and I are driving back down from the mountains. We planned to go on one child free trip before the baby arrives and Nicki suggested a snowy cold place since I'm always so hot.

We spent a few days up in the mountains surrounded by nothing but feet of snow. I mean, I had to press on my stomach a bit to make sure my placenta hadn't froze. So cold, but so fun.

She plays a slow R&B playlist and drives. I hold her hand tight.

Something's been up, I can really tell.

Yesterday morning, she got up way early and took a phone call. She came back to bed distressed and angry. I didn't want to press her about it, though. Didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

"Baby."

"Hmm."

"I love you."

"Me too."

The baby kicks and I place her hand on my stomach.

Nicki smiles for the first time since we've gotten in the car.

"I'm thinking India for her first name. Means river."

Nicki looks at me a little longer.

"Sounds perfect." Nicki says.

"I thought a nature theme would be good for her name. To go well with Jazz's." I say.

"You haven't thought of a middle name?"

"No. You?"

"Ahmari and Celestine. To honor your mother. Let me know if I overstepped."

I smile wide.

"It sounds perfect baby." I sound it out fully together."India Ahmari Maraj Knowles. India Celestine Maraj Knowles."

"No, India Ahmari Celestine Maraj Knowles. Or we could drop 'Ahmari' and..." Nicki hums, in thought process.

"Maybe Celeste, to switch my mother's name up a bit." I tear up because it's such a pretty name.

"That sounds like a really long princess name. I love it."

"Our daughters are princesses so it fits."

"We gotta choose her aesthetic, what's it gone be?"

"Honestly, I don't wanna see pink-- anything. I feel like it's overrated. Maybe stick to a movie or a series."

"Looney tunes, Winnie the Pooh. Tweety Bird. Minnie Mouse."

"That's what we dressed in. Every black girl had tweety bird on."

I smile.

"What do you think she'll be like?"

"You got strong genes, she gone definitely look like you. She gone be super caring. I hope she gets sum from my mama."

"I hope she gets your talent and drive."

"I hope she get your smarts."

"I ain't smart."

"Yes you are. And passionate about the things you love. Ooouuu, what if she's an actress."

"What if she get you dancing?"

"What if she's an artist like Jazzy is?"

"What if she's sporty? Or super feminine and a mean girl like Ariana?"

Speak of getting something from my mama, I wonder if my sister who didn't even get to live a full day on this earth will be my daughter. Often I get so lost in thought thinking about the possibilities.

I begin to cry and Nicki pulls over on the high way.

"C'mere beautiful."

She hugs me.

"Sorry I'm crying."

"Don't apologize, BB."

She kisses me and we sit there for a few minutes before I insist to her to get back to driving.

Slowly but surely we get to Texas.

___________

If and when I have a baby, imma just pick a theme for their bedroom and wardrobe instead of just getting all pink or all blue stuff. Or bland gender neutral colorsz Personally speaking. Specifically vintage stuff too because everything stylistically from the 80s and 90s and early 00s ATE.

The bedrooms don't hit the same anymore.

Like I literally wanna paint their room myself with that theme and bond with my future wife.