Walk With Me 1

42

Beyoncé

Nicki helps me with the babies. Jazmine carries the diaper bag as best she can.

The babies are both 6 months old now. We took custody of Zahir after Robyn and Shawn came to a mutual agreement. Robyn also handed us full custody of Jazmine when it was originally joint. We didn't question Robyn, we just went with it, because she was unstable for the first two months after giving birth.

We both agreed not to open eachother's mouth or else I would air him out to his country club friends and/or he'd make sure no artist hired me ever again when it came to dancing.

Surprisingly, he approves of Nicki for me. He tried apologizing for the abuse but I didn't wanna touch on the subject. Told him I was okay when in reality I'm still healing.

Both babies begin to cry almost at the same time.

We enter Robyn's new apartment.

She leads us to the living room.

"Hey!" She greets all of us, even the babies.

"Hey mommy!"

"Hey princess, Robyn says flatly.

My heart hurts for Z and Jazz. Robyn seems so detached.

"Jazz, baby come out the bag down here." I point to the kitchen table where Nicki is putting stuff down.

Robyn instructs is to sit at the couch, which I do.

Both babies must be hungry.

I sit on the couch and feed the both of them.

Robyn looks at me but then looks at Zahir. We don't prevent her from seeing or interacting with the kids but it seems for the most part, depression has her at a distance. Jazmine moves to sit next to Nicki and snuggle with her and Robyn seems uncomfortable.

Nicki sits down next to me and kisses my cheek. Zahir is already done so o tell her to take him and she burps him.

"So..."

"So..." Robyn begins. "I called this meeting because... there's a lot to be said. I think we all need to be here. Including Jazz."

I tilt my head a bit. Why would a five year old need to be involved in this 'mature discussion'? India fusses and I lay her next to me on the couch. She doesn't like to be picked up much, but she likes to observe a lot. India looks around and I coo at her as Robyn collects herself.

Zahir is out like light, milk slightly drooling out his mouth. I don't remove him from my nipple because I can tell he's not fully asleep. Zahir is such a sweet calm baby but always wants to be held and close to someone like he's afraid we're gonna leave him alone.

Eventually he stops sucking and I know he's out. Nicki takes it from here, burping him and laying him on her shoulder. He's so cute and actually has Robyn's features.

"I want to say sorry for dumping them onto you in less than a year I just-- I'm gonna get into that. But I feel they are better and safer with the two of you. I know you two love being moms and I know-- I knew from the very beginning they'd be okay with you two." She begins to tear up and Jazmine wipes them quickly.

I'm not getting to where she's going.

She then turns to Jazz and clears her throat, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that when you were staying with me."

I look to Nicki. What could've happened? What did Jazz have to see?

"You made me scared every day."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"I hate you."

"Jazz--" Nick and I cut her off.

Jazz wipes her tear then moves back to me and sits on my lap, clearly pissed. What could Robyn possibly have done or allowed to be done?

Jazmine sticks her face in the crook of my neck.

"It's fine. I allowed her to see me at my worse and she ended up having to take care of me sometimes. Jazz, you ain't deserve that."

I feel Jazmine's tears soon on me and rub her back.

"I almost killed Z because I was so depressed at that time with the whole paternity thing. Which I also want to apologize to Nicki about."

I perk up.

"Beyoncé, I was convinced it was Nicki who was the other parent because I'd gotten drunk and high on New Years."

The notepad makes sense now. Jazmine becomes hysterical and wants to leave clearly.

I pick her up and head to the front porch, excusing myself.

"It's okay, Jazz."

In reality I'm fuming inside. My motherly insists are foot to the gas and I'm rubbing Jazmine's back and humming to her to get her to breathe and calm down.

No wonder she was so protective of the both of them it almost made her sick. Both when we were and weren't pregnant anymore. In a way I feel I have a flaw because I didn't notice it. Jazz has been seriously hurting about this for a while and I couldn't tell.

"I hate her!"

I want to agree but I have to be the adult here and have to promote forgiveness.

"She hit Z all the time!"

"How did she hit him, baby?"

"She hit her fucking stomach and said that she shoulda got rid of him!"

"Jazmine calm down."

I'm not even worried about the cursing right now, my baby's hurting.

"She said stuff about mama too!"

I just hold her tight and close. The kids are under Onika and I'd custody. They shouldn't have to see her again. Originally Robyn didn't want visitation rights so the court didn't award that. But she had a "realization" and showed up at the park to spy on us to see how Jazz and Z were. Jazz with a keen eye noticed and walked up to her.

After the babies were born and the test came back positive for Shawn, she refused to take Zahir home. She didn't hold him. All she did for him in his first weeks was just pump as much as she could.

"I wish you were my mommy not her. Everyday I wish that."

"Jazz, you are my baby. Blood doesn't equal family all the time, Jazz." I immediately comfort her.

"I don't wanna be around her anymore. Can I stay in the car?"

"Baby it's too hot. Come inside with us."

"I don't wanna see her."

"Don't look at her anymore, then."

I push her face into the crook of my neck and fix my hold on her.

"Don't look at her." I say and walk back in the house.

Robyn is holding Zahir now. Thankfully, Jazmine doesn't lift her head up. I know she's go ballistic.

What a day. Robyn just cries.

I'm back to being focused on the paternity thing. I know Nicki was at Ariana's helping out and watching Jazmine. She sent pictures throughout the night. Nicki isn't the type to be unfaithful at all. She's always been devoted to me and Jazz and now our younger two babies.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm glad she handed the custody of both babies to us. Knowing that Onika and myself will protect and show them we love them makes me feel better.

"Um... Robyn I hope that you know the only keeping me from laying you out right here, right now, is Zahir." Onika says. "C'mon, Bey."

Nicki snatches Zahir away and is first out the door, grabbing the diaper bag on her way out.

"Fuck you bitch."

"Jazmine!" Nicki and I both yell.

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