What If I Jumped? (Kiribaku)

chapter: 46

(im writing on my laptop because i cant find my phone but imma make this *angst*. imma bout to hurt yall)

(TW: mentions of self harm, alcohol abuse, depression)

kiri's pov

It's been months. Months, since he last looked at me. I don't know what happend. I don't know what i did wrong or what was going through his head but Bakugou just won't talk to me. He just avoids me and i hate it. And the worst part was after we had..sex, he just..looks at me differently. I can't even explain it but i feel so fucking stupid. Was he just acting this whole fucking time? Did he even love me at all?

My grades have been getting worse too, but Aizawa and alot of the other teachers don't treat it as a big issue. Even they treat me differently. Bakugou took Yoko too. Yep, as soon as we got back to U.A he fucking took her and her things and gave her to Aizawa because we had an arguement. One fucking arguement. That's it. And i guess i'm over Yoko now, she was adorable and i loved that cat but i know she was Aizawas, not mine.

My classmates and 'friends' have been acting weird around me aswell. I'm assuming Bakugou told them something about me or some shit like that but i don't really care what he said, i just want things to be normal again but i don't see that happening anymore. I don't like it but my self harming has been getting worse. So much worse that i don't ever wear short sleeved shirts. I never take off my blazer and i have a long sleeved white shirt under every top i wear. I barely turn up to class, now that i think of it. I'm surprised i haven't been kicked out of the school to be honest. And Aizawa stops by my dorm a few times a week just to check up on me but really i think he just needs to know that i'm not dead yet. I don't know..

What else is there... Well, i have managed to convince Yao-momo to create an 'almost endless supply' of alcohol. We're not the best of friends anymore but i think she knows i'm having a tough time and just need something to fill the void, as it were. I don't think she meant for me to get addicted or anything but hey, that's fucking life, you can get addicted to anything and anyone, no matter how much it hurts you..

Currently, i have at least 10 bottles of unopened whiskey and vodka under my bed and around 3 or 4 bottles in my wardrobe, under the clothes i don't hang up. And shocker, i'm getting drunk now.

It's 5 in the morning on a Tuesday and i'm getting drunk. Fucking. Typical. What's funny to me is that i promised Aizawa i'd come into class today because he said i was close to being expelled. He excuses alot of crap i do, like showing up drunk to class sometimes or not even showing up and my grades, so when he says i have to do something i usually do it but with the least effort. And it's not that i don't wanna do normal shit in school, it's just that i find everything so damn dull and grey now. Like everything just lost colour. And i'm just never motivated, i can't be bothered anymore, i just want to lie in my bed and die there.

I take another mouthful of the whiskey and sigh. i was sat on my bed, already in my uniform because i was up all night anyway, with my back slouched against the wall and my legs hanging off the edge. I swear...i used to be so happy and full of life, i honestly don't know when that all went away but it's gone so..yeah.

No one texts me anymore. I have nothing to look forward to and it's the same shit. Every. Fucking. Day.

I take a few more mouthfuls and feel my head begin to swirl. God, i love this feeling..

By the time it is 6:30, i'm in the common room, getting toast so no one gets any more worried about me than they already are. If they already are.. but i doubt it. I had poured some vodka and the rest of my whiskey into an almost empty bottle of coke, one of the big bottles, previously, and had bought it down with me, holding it in one hand whilst waiting for the toast to finish getting toasted.