The Cure

Face Your Fears

I was Woken up by The sun shining right in my face.
How beautiful it was.
Only to notice a Sudden Stinging I felt.
i look down at my wrist to see That the Sealed Scab on my wrist had Split Open.
there was Red little dots all over My white bed sheets.
i rolled my eyes, Too exhausted to face the fact that i would have to change them again soon.
Now, I don't know why, But i was oddly Craving Coffee.
There was a Coffee Shop downstairs Right by here.
But my agoraphobia Was so bad.
I could Barely even Walk down the stairs to get the first Floor.
And i live on the 15th floor.
And i knew Taking the elevator would Scare me to Death.
But i also knew that one day I would have to Face Whatever it was i Feared so much.
I Knew one day it had to Happen.
I sigh and Get up out of Bed.
Getting dressed Only to Face the challenge of Another day.
And I Was gonna try and Make days more eventful for myself.
I cant sit around and Mope, I also can't sit around and expect things to get better on they're own.
I cant be this Miserable everyday.
So today, I was gonna go to that Cafe and face my Fears.
It's not worth Sitting Around anymore.
I grab my Brown Coat and Keys.
Taking a couple Breaths in to realize what i was
Actually doing.
And i was Actually Ok With This.
I finally Open up the door to be hit by a Cold Breeze.
It felt good on my Skin.
I turn around and Lock the door Behind me, Making my Way to the elevator, Because fuck it why not?
Why not make this at least a little scary?
I Step foot into the elevator Pressing floor one.
As i was going down, I realized this wasn't too bad.
I thought i'd be Even more scared, I should be on the ground practically Dying but I wasn't.
I was still here.
As i Made it to the first floor and out of the elevator, I Walked into the front of the Building i lived in And saw all the cars Move by me.
and it was Very amusing.
I haven't seen the outside world in a Long time it felt like.
I walked down the street And Made my Way to the coffee shop.
It was only a Couple Feet away from the building i lived in, Luckily...
As i stepped in, A smelt the Scents of Pastries And Coffee of course.
Making me feel Comfortable and confident with the decision i had made of finally coming outside after being House written for 2 Weeks now, Maybe even 3.
I don't know, I wasn't counting.
I walked up to the Cashier As i Ordered My Drink.
I was Impressed that i Could even talk to Another Human Being.
I sat in the corner next to the window to Admire What i had been missing out on for 2-3 Weeks.
As i Was looking around me I Saw A Man sitting on the opposite Side of the shop to me.
His hair was covering his Face.
Almost as curly as mine.
And as Dark as mine.
And as i was wondering what he looked like he moved his hair behind his ear.
Revealing the Bluest of eyes, The slimmest Of Jaws and the softest of Skin.
He was Stunning for a man.
I stared at him a couple seconds more before I was Given my Coffee.
He looked really Nice.
I wanted to get up and talk to him but then i knew my anxiety would really Rage.
He was really attractive though.
I decided to Grab my coffee And Head Back Home.
And as i was Leaving, I looked at the Young short man Once more.
And apparently he was snagging a look at me Too, We made clear eye contact As i gave him a light smile, He shot me one back and i continued walking Back Home.
———————
It was Night time now and I couldn't help but use that stopgap Once more.
I wanted to feel something again.
I was so numb.
Confusing what is real.
I decided to Pick up the shiny blood stained Blade again and Glide it across My Pale skin.
As i watched Blood Gather together and make its way out.
I Decided To Just go to bed.
of course i wanted to wake up.
I didn't necessarily want to Die.
Then again, I Just wanna feel something.