The basketball diaries-Jim Carroll

And so what?

                        Diana's POV:

Oh god. What have I done? Jim was the only friend I had left and now, I lost him.
I don't enjoy what I have before I loose it.
I lost my home, and all my friends? What the fuck do I have left? Right now I just wanna smoke some fucking cigarettes and get high. no one cares about me no more so what can they do? Nothing. Nothing is stopping me from fucking up my life.
What girl have I become? Oh god.
It was fucking cold, I should never have given Jim's shirt back. I hate him but I really want some more clothes, I'm homeless and the only clothes I have is, black high Converse, dirty jeans and a crop top. My hair looks like shit. I haven't brushed it for days, maybe weeks.
•
"Hey, you! I'll give you 30$ for 2 bags."
I said.
"Make it 48!"
"Ugh, fine here!"
He handed me the two bags of heroin and I quickly stopped them into the pocket of my jeans.
I walked to the nearest bar.
"Just give me a large beer please." I said.
"Aren't you a lil too young for beers?"
"And so what? Just hand me the fucking beer."
"Alright. I'll be right back."
I almost fell asleep on the counter.
"Here's your bear."
"Thank you."
I gave the bartender the money, and started drinking.
Suddenly Mickey walked into the bar.
Shit. I turned my head around so he hopefully wouldn't see me. He sat right next to me.
"Hey, what's your name?" He asked me.
"Uh. My name? Uhm"
I slowly turned around.
"Diana? What are you doing here!?"
"I could ask you the same."
"I have to pick up some beers for a party a few streets away. Wanna come?" He asked.
"Sure why not."
I helped him grabbing the beers.
We walked to the party.
I haven't talking to Mickey in a very long time.
"So, I heard about you and Jim." He suddenly said.
"Oh, yeah that. It's nothing."
"Are you sure? Because when I met him earlier he was so angry and told me everything."
"It's only between me and Jim. Don't worry about it." I said.
"C'mon man. You two are my best friends. You can't leave me hangin' bro"
"I'm sorry, I just don't wanna talk about it right now. Let's just go to the party."
"Yeah."
"Wait! Jim is not there, is he?"
"No no, your good."
"Okay great."
"Now c'mon, most of the people are already there."
He took my arm and walked real fast.
•
We arrived to the party. Looks like it has been going on for over an hour now.
"Who are all these people?" I asked Mickey.
"Just some friends of mine."
"Oh, alright."
We went to the living room.
"Hey Mickey! Come n' sit down!" His friends yelled.
They were all hight.
"Where's the bathroom?" I asked.
"Up the stairs and to the left."
"Thank you."
I walked up the stairs and tried to find the bathroom. I finally found it. It was so messy, there was alcohol bottles everywhere.
After I went to the bathroom I heard a noise from the room behind me. I slightly opened the door, and I saw Jim's blonde hair, I didn't saw anything else because he was covered with a blanket. And then I realized. I slammed the door up and removed the blanket to see who he was with. It was her. It was fucking her. That fucking whore.
"Laura?! What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled and punched Jim away from her.
"I thought you were my friend!"
"I am Diana! And I'm sorry I didn't let you sleep at my house. I know it's hard for you since you got kicked out." Laura said.
"What?!" Jim yelled.
"That was a secret! You fucking idiot."
"Diana is this true?" Jim asked.
"Shut up Jim!" I yelled. The tears started falling down my cheeks.
"Laura why would you do that to me?" I asked.
"I'm drunk okay! I can't control myself."
"I'm not so sure about that, what happened since you suddenly choose to sleep with Jim?!"
"I-I" she stutters.
The next noise in the room was my hand slapping hard though her face.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She yelled.
She kicked me in my stomach. I fell on the floor. I suddenly stood up again and I slapped her again. Jim tried to pull me away from Laura. I tried to get free. "Jim let go of me!" I yelled. Laura punched me on my nose. I started bleeding. "Laura what the fuck are you doing?" Jim yelled. "She deserves it!" Laura yelled back. Jim slightly pushed me behind him.
"Laura please stop it! You know this ain't right." Jim said.
Laura looked at me with an angry glaze. She took her clothes and ran outside.
Jim turned around. "Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah yeah I'm fine." I lied.
"But I still don't understand why you slept with Laura?"
"Don't think about it. She was drunk, and I couldn't just stop her."
"Yeah whatever."
I looked myself in the mirror and saw all the blood, I fainted, the last thing I remember is that Jim catches me before I hit the floor.
•
I woke up in a other house. I could recognize the smell. It was Jim's house. I was laying in his bed, Jim was laying on the floor. I was wearing his basketball shorts and one of his white t-shirts.
"Jim?" I whispered.
"Yeah, good morning." He answered.
His soft voice. I missed it.
"What happened last night?" I asked.
"You fainted, so I carried you to my place." He smiled.
"Oh, thank you."
"Your welcome."
It's weird to talk to Jim, after the fight we had yesterday. He acted like it never happened. But it did, so why forget it? It was his fault, not mine. Is it because he found out I was homeless? Is that why he's so nice to me.
"Diana! There's breakfast." Jim said from the kitchen, I didn't even noticed he left.
•
"Diana I have to ask you something." Jim asked.
"Yeah sure."
"Is it true what Laura said yesterday?"
"What did she say?" I lied.
"That you got kicked out."
"No, she was just way to drunk, she don't know what she's saying."
"Oh, well I visited your stepmom earlier."
I spitted out the milk.
"You what?!" I yelled.
"What? Why does that bother you?"
"It doesn't."
"Uhm okay?"
"Great."
"Yeah yeah okay." Jim looked real confused. He's so cute when he's totally lost.
I stared laughing.
"What? Why are you laughing?" Jim tickled me. It was fun to laugh with him again.