A stranger's journal.

Addictions.

You know this place, or you've heard of it to the least.

Everyone you trust told you never to go there, but they have been outnumbered by the many who have treaded that road and survived.

It's safe, that's what you think.

A room so many people have entered and found comfort in it. A room where everyone has entered and many came out alive.

One day, you decide to take a peek in that room.

You entered the room, it was love at first sight.

It felt amazing, it made all your problems disappear and all you needed to do for everything to stay that way, is stay in the room. 

So you decide to live in the room. A room you know is all fun and games.

At first, everything was going great. You stayed in the room and learnt more about it. Along the way you found new treasures and tricks to use in the room.

Then one day, after you have exhausted everything there, one day when you had done it all. One day, you realized, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you also have to work and continue with your life.

So you decide vacation is over, it's now time to go back to the real world.

You reach out for the door handle to open it. As you turned the door nob waiting to hear a click as it opens, nothing happened.

You try opening the door again and again, it still isn't opening.

You try many times after that until you eventually give up. 

Your trapped.

You give up, you start crying. You go through all the stages of grief, grief for you old life. 

You accept it. You accept that this is now your life.

You start going through the room again, do the same old things to feel like your in control. But it gets boring, it becomes irritating and annoying. You started to hate it.

But all your anger diverted to you. You started to blame yourself for entering the room. You start hating yourself even more as the days go by, you start to hurt yourself as punishment.

Sometime later, after a month or two of hating yourself. You finally see an open window. 

A window that has been there the whole time but you were to blinded to see it. But there's a catch, the window is to small and you can't fit.

You decided to call for help.

You looked up to the sky remembering your old innocent life and called for help.

You trusted the people outside, you knew they would help you in no time. You believed in them.

They however took some time to reach to your aid. Days turned into months turned into years. You have been calling for help for over five years now, that tiny flame of hope you still had left finally turned off.

You realized, the only person who can help you get out of this room is you.   

But how?

I don't have the answer to that. I have been trapped in the same room for six years now. I have tried every remedy, every myth and misconception. I have tried almost everything.

But through those years, I have succeeded a few times.

I have left the room when is topped trying yo live in the room; I stopped entertaining myself with the things in that room, so the room let me go.

I was finally free, that was what i thought.

I left the room and went back to my old life happy. I never took those around me for granted and trusted myself never to be the same person who was lied into the room. 

When I  came back to my old life again, i never told anyone the truth of where i was. I never wanted them to know how stupid and foolish I am. I chose to keep it a secret.

But, old habits never die.

One day, I found myself yearning for those days back in the room. I started to miss the solitary. The days when i accepted that i was stupid and a fool. When i acknowledged my true self.

I thought that now that i knew how to get out, i could do it again while using its weakness,

So I went back to the room, and became trapped again.

I was wrong, It knew that I knew its weakness. The room made its weakness its strongest power, You can go but you will always come back. You could never be truly free of its chains.

After those many years of captivity, thinking of ways to truly leave without my temptations getting the best out of me, i found no answer.

And after SIX WHOLE YEARS, I finally see.

I FOUND THE KEY.

The key was the window. The loophole!

The answer.

I was free when the room let me out, not truly but I was free. And during that period, I have searched for the answer, i have tried every said remedy for the key. I have done everything except one thing.

I never told a single soul about my suffering.

I suffered quietly not knowing that my only cure was to let someone in. I had to show them the room so they can help me defeat it. 

I needed someone to help me through it.

In my next release, one that happens every few months, i have to go and find help. 

I MUST, or else this is doomed to be my fate.

But who do I trust not to laugh at my stupidity.

And will i be able to tell them my deepest, darkest secret?