A stranger's journal.

Forgiveness?

I know that we all have a parent that we don't have a good relationship with.

Worse case is that you and your parents are always having a battle. 

But if you have amazing parents, who aren't divorced or divorced and still have time for you. You are a lucky child, you should be grateful.

My mother and father are divorced, why? I don't even know where to start.

My father used to beat on my mother almost every week. The first time I witnessed it was when i was three years old. My mother literally became a punching bag, she was hit until she was unconscious. When the ambulance came and took her away, all that was left was a pool of blood where she lay.

To this day, I have no idea how she survived.

This continued the next 12 years, sand started before I was born. Because of this, my older siblings and I have never had a relationship. They fled the house as soon as they got a chance. 

I was the given the title of the 'eldest child', when my younger brother was born when I was 4, I had to protect him. Distract him from the pain that the house held. I had to tell him it was okay when i knew it never was.

Fast forward to 2022. My parents are now non-officially divorced for two years. The corona-outbreak still exists.

My father got corona. 

Instead of isolating himself from his children, he made my older step-sister come take care of him with her children. She then got corona and is still recovering.

After that, he then came to seek help in my mother house. And because of her stupid ass heart, she has been taking care of him the last month.

Now my father has always been a dictator. He wants everything to go his way. 

He came to our house, changed everything and made all of us uncomfortable. And he is till sick!!
How does a father with a contagious deadly disease go to his children and stay with them??

Does he want us to die?

That is my story of how i got corona. My father gave it to me so we could both die.

I recovered but my father hasn't. He still walks around the house coughing and shouting at us.

Sometimes I ask myself, I'm i wrong to wish he was dead?

My mother says I love him, I don't think I do. 

When I love someone, when I think of their death, all i do is cry.

But when I think of my father's death, I feel relieved.

They tell me I should forgive him. He hasn't even apologized. I want him to tell me sorry for all the pain he caused since I was a child. He has to say sorry for hitting my mother, chasing away my older siblings and making my brother scared of him.

Don't you think he should say sorry? I am too young, I was too young to witness this.

I could talk all day about all the things he has done. But my main worry is, should I forgive him? How do you forgive someone who's only purpose in your life is to hurt you and never feel bad about it?