I'm Okay

Do you want to talk about it? (29)

*Parker's POV*

I woke up with a headache from all the crying I did yesterday. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to get up because I knew that I would still have to face the reality of my sister possibly still being alive.

Even just the thought of it makes me so angry, why would she do that to me? She was my everything. I don't even know if it's true so I just push it to the back of my mind and not think about it for right now.

Nothing about this is normal. When someone is dead, and buried, they stay in the ground. I go to visit my sister to see what looks like new dirt on her plot, her tombstone is smashed, and her body isn't in the casket..

Let's not even talk about how what I did was totally illegal. Mr. Thompson owns her plot because he's was our guardian when she died. He can't touch me now of course, but that doesn't mean the law can't.

Regardless of not wanting to get up I know it's in my best interest. I get up taking my blanket with me and sitting on the couch. "Morning P.." My mom says groggily as she hops out of her bunk.

I wave a bit not knowing if I can trust my voice. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asks as she comes over to me and I scoot over to make room for her on the couch. "Not yet.." I said quietly and she nodded in understanding before sitting next to me and placing her hand over mine.

"We have a show tonight you can stay on the bus, or in the greenroom if you don't want to watch it. You don't even have to leave the bus at all today if you're not feeling it." Billie says as she places a loving kiss on my forehead.

"Okay.. I'll figure it out later.. I know I don't really want to do anything right now though." I said as I snuggled up to her and we just looked out the window together. "I feel bad.." I admitted after we sat in silence for a while.

"Okay.. bad how?" Billie asked sounding concerned. "Bad as in, my thoughts are scary. I'm frustrated, a-and confused.. Mom, I thought she was dead.." I said as tears filled my eyes.

"Oh, sweetheart.." Billie says as she wraps her arms around me. "I'm not going to say that I understand, because I don't. This is a kind of hurt, and confusion, and anger, that I haven't felt." She says before continuing.

"No matter what, your mother and I are going to be right here. We're going to be right by your side. You're not alone, we're going to figure this out." She says hugging me tight. In that moment I knew I could trust her.

My natural instincts are telling me to put up a wall; especially around parental figures, or just adults in general, because I don't know if I can trust them. These people have taught me so differently.. are their really people out there that are looking out for me?

"Thank you.." I said now crying. Billie gently lifted my face to hers so I was looking at her before saying, "Parker, you are safe here. We love you, we go through thick and thin together alright?" She asked as she wiped my tears.

I nodded, and laid my head on her chest as she played with my hair soothing me. Fallon then walked in and sat down next to her wife. "Is everything okay?" She asked. "Yeah everything is fine. Parker's just feeling a bit down today that's all." Billie explained with a gentle smile as she placed a hand on mine.

"Did you want to talk about the letter?" Fallon asked. I then remembered that letter has the answers I was looking for. "Um.. I'm not sure if I want to open it yet." I replied quietly.

"Okay. Are you hungry? How about we go get food then we'll go from there yeah?" Fallon asked.

"Yeah we can do that.." I responded before getting up to go get ready.
I want all of this to be over.