Saving Us || l.h

T W E L V E

I came out of my bathroom, grabbing something to change into before going back in. I changed, drying my hair after. Luke had been asleep when I went to shower and when I had grabbed clothes, but I don't know if he still was. I brushed my teeth, then walked into my room.

He had a pad of paper in his hands and my heart sunk, I had forgotten it had been here. "How much have you read?" I ask, sitting beside him. "Just mine, over, and over, and over." He says, sounding close to tears. I slowly took it from his hands, putting it on the dresser. He suddenly took my hand, facing me. "Promise me something." He says, his accent thick. I nod, staring him in the eyes. "No, say it, I want a verbal promise." He says. "I promise you whatever this is." I say quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Promise me the second you ever feel like everything is beginning to get too much you will call me. I never want to actually read that knowing you're actually dead." He says, staring me in the eye. "I promise." I nod numbly. "Thank you." He pulls me into a hug, not releasing me for a while. "Are you hungry?" I ask, pulling away. He shakes his head, still watching me. "Well I'm making pancakes, they are downstairs if you want some." I say, standing up.

I make my way to the kitchen, rubbing my hands over my face. I rested my hands on the counter, my arms extended out in front of me. How could I be so stupid? I should have gotten rid of those notes, not just put them in a drawer for someone to find! This was the last thing I wanted to happen.

<><>

Luke wouldn't let go of me while we stood in front of my terminal, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I try to pull away but he tightens his grip, his lips resting on my forehead. "I need to go, Luke." I mumble. "I don't want to let go yet." He replied, taking a deep breath. "I love you." He mumbles. He finally releases me and I stand in front of him. "I love you, Luke." I give him a smile, walking backward. I was only a few steps away from him when I turned around and hurried back over to him, giving him another hug. I leaned up to give him a kiss, my arms around his neck.

I need him a lot more than I'd like to admit. "Remember your promise." He says. I nod, giving him one last kiss. "I'll see you soon." He tells me, kissing my forehead. "I love you so much, Luke." I tell him before pulling away this time. "Have a fun time on tour." I say, backing away again. "You too. Have fun in Europe and Australia." I give him a smile before turning around and jogging to my terminal. I get on my flight, ready for the short flight to Arizona.

I woke to the captain telling us to have a good time in sunny Arizona. I let out a yawn, stretching. I got off the plane once we were allowed to, heading to the front doors. Damian stood by a car, waving me down when he saw me. "How was your weekend?" He asks, getting in the drivers side. "It was pretty good." I reply, getting in the passengers side. "Only pretty good?" He asks, glancing over at me. "He found something I didn't want him to find but we discussed it and now we are fine." I sigh.

He turned his entire attention to me, looking concerned. "You're such an Ashton, my god." I mumble, rolling my eyes. "What did he find?" I shake my head, brushing him off. "Nothing, don't worry about it, Damian."

--

I sat at the hotel table, staring at the perscription bottle in front of me.

"I want to start you back up on these. I really think they could help." Doctor Anne's voice repeated in my mind. I couldn't do it though. Every time I tried to open it my mind flashed back to when I tried to use these to kill myself. I finally pulled my phone out, face timing Luke.

"Hey babe! How are you liking Australia?" "It's nice, I'm having lunch with your parents later. How's Florida?" "Good. Why'd you call?" "Can you help me?" "With?" "Just, I don't know, distract me?" "From what? Dylan, what's wrong?" "Doctor Anne wants me to take the pills I used to kill myself and I can't. I keep flashing back every time I try to open the bottle." I sniff, feeling the threat of tears.