Too much love will kill you

27 weeks

Alicia's POV:

I looked at my alarm clock, I couldn't understand why I was awake at 3.35am - then the realisation hit me- tomorrow or more aptly today was my first day back at work. I was working 9am to 6pm and I was working back on the general paediatrics unit but even the thought of that terrified me slightly. I had all these questions whirling through my head such as What if I make a mistake because i had forgotten things in the time that I had been off- I knew I was probably making a mistake by going back to work so soon after the accident but there was only so long I could stay in the house alone for the majority of the day without going stir crazy. Then there was also the added problem of the damage to my old spinal injury in the accident- i was yet to discover what problems being on my feet for a long period of time was going to create and just to top it all off I was 27 weeks and 3 days pregnant , This pregnancy I felt huge, I had a bump but I guess trying to conceal it for 15 weeks hadn't really helped. Pregnancy already came with enough problems - Thankfully my morning sickness had stopped but there was still the whole issue of having to watch out for High blood pressure and gestational diabetes and Iron deficiency anaemia. If men had to experience half the problems women do when pregnant someone would have most definitely created a contraceptive pill for Men by now. I felt hot salty tears dripping down my face- then came the all too familiar feeling of my chest tightening like I was being crushed in a vice and my breathing quickened far too fast for my liking and suddenly everything was out of my control. Ethan stirred beside me and immediately looked at my shaking , trembling form and took my hands and spoke to me in a calming voice

"Alicia look at me . You're okay , I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. This will be over soon I promise" He stroked my hand

We sat there for 5 minutes with him just reassuring me that everything is okay. Once I was sufficiently calm enough to speak he wrapped my weighted blanket around me. "I'm sorry.." I spoke quietly

"Hey, don't ever apologise for having anxiety Alicia. It's not your fault and it never will be, I'll always be here for you and our babies" He kissed my forehead "Do you feel okay to tell me what caused that?"

"I'm nervous...about going back to work..." I admitted

"Oh Alicia, that's perfectly understandable. You were in a major car accident in which you very nearly died , you're bound to be nervous. I'm sure everyone would understand if you postpone your return for a couple of weeks- trust me no one would judge you" Ethan pulled me into a hug

Eventually I drifted into a fitful sleep around 5am still with Ethan's arms wrapped around me , When my alarm blared at 7am I dragged myself out of bed and shut myself in the bathroom, I peered in the mirror "God Alicia, you look awful" I whispered to myself

I climbed in the shower and let the hot water cascade over my sore body. Pregnancy made my already sore back even more painful. I scrubbed myself down with my new apricot body wash and shampooed my hair with coconut shampoo and matching conditioner, I shut off the hot water and climbed out wrapping myself in a large fluffy white towel fresh from the airing cupboard.

I towel dried my hair, wrapping it in another towel and walked back into the bedroom where Ethan was pulling on Jeans and a shirt. "Would you rub some cream into my back?" I asked picking up my heat cream.

"Course I will" He replied, doing up the last few buttons on his shirt and taking my cream.

I dropped my towel and indicated the sore areas and groaned in relief as he massaged the sore areas. I pulled on some maternity jeans and an oversized t-shirt and blow dried my hair, tying it in a high ponytail. I moisturised my face and went into the Girls room to dress them, Sadie was already out of bed and had attempted to dress herself , i laughed "Come here baby, let Mammy help you." I sat down on her bed and pulled her t shirt off putting it back on the right way round and buttoned her dungarees the correct way and brushed her hair into two plaits . I lifted Skye out of her bed and kissed both their noses and dressed Skye in an identical outfit. I grabbed a pair of shoes for both of them and helped them put on white frilly ankle socks with pink converse.