Living Lifelessly

Chapter 16

                            Arthur

"I... I am so sorry dude, I didn't know that."

A little part of my heart feels so light now that I've told everything to Josh.

"I came here to find an escape from everything but I don't think it worked,"

I blink away my tears before they leave my eyes.

"It's okay," he gently reaches for my hand. "As far as I know you, nothing in this world can stop my man."

"That man already died three years ago, this Arthur sitting next to you has no heart beating inside him."

I lean back, breathing heavily as my vision becomes blurry from these tears which are threatening to fall.

"Don't say that, everything is going to be just fine. Just tell me what can I do to help."

"I... I want to work here, I want to earn money."

He looks at me in bewilderment.

"You mean at the hospital, how can I help?"

I wish I could tell him how much I wanna be that Doctor Hart again but I know it's not in my hands now.

"No, I am not a doctor anymore. I just want a job, anything that can help me earn some money."

He laughs at first but stops, realizing that I am damn serious.

"Anything, you sure?"

"Yes, anything-"

Before I can complete my sentence he pulls me up by my arm and takes me outside.

"What is this place?"

I am not sure but it looks like a studio or something.

"This is where I work," Josh replies.

I am still confused.

"Come inside, you'll see yourself."

I follow him inside the small building. Something felt really weird when I stepped inside. I don't know, the vibe this place is giving me right now is making me regret my decision of coming here.

"Hi boss."

Josh greeted the man, sitting in a huge chair, doing some work on his computer.

"Hey man, isn't your shift over?" He asks, shifting his eyes from the computer screen.

"I actually came with my friend, he wants a job. You know-"

"Is that your friend?"

He asks, eyeing me up hungrily from head to toes, making me very uncomfortable.

"He is."

"He's going to be the best one in here, I swear to God he's made for it. Listen here prince, you don't even need an interview or anything. Just sign a contract."

His words made no sense to me. I look at Josh with a questionable face.

"Look," he takes me to a side. "I...uh.. I work here and um... we...uh.. shoot porn videos here."

For a second I thought he's joking but his expression alone is enough to confirm that he's not.

It feels like someone has slapped me so hard on my face.

What a shame.

Without making a scene in here, I kick the door open and run outside.

"Arthur stop,"

I suddenly stop and turn around when Josh calls me from behind.

"What the fuck did you think you were trying to do?" I grab him by his shirt and yell at his face without worrying about the fact that I am making a scene in the middle of the road.

"You want me to become a fucking shameless pornstar like yourself. Well, fuck you and your job. How could you even think I'll agree on doing something like that. I know that I need money right now but I'd rather die starving than doing that shit."

I release his collar and kneel onto the floor, not knowing when did tears start flowing down my cheeks.

"See what that mother fucker Paul made me do, he screwed me up real bad. You see how he turned a doctor into a fucking pornstar. I.. hate myself, please Josh, I can't anymore, I can't-"

It gets difficult to breathe as I feel all the air pumped out of my lungs. My vision gets blurry and I don't know when everything blacked out.
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Slowly opening my eyes, I scan the place around me.

When the hell did on earth I land in a hospital. Then slowly everything flashbacks in my mind.

I take a deep sigh and close my eyes, realizing that nothing in my life has changed. It's still the same.

"Arthur, you're awake."

I open my eyes to find a doctor standing next to my bed.

Something sparked inside of me as I see that man wearing a scrub.

I gently nod my head and look away.

"How're you feeling now?"

He checks my pulse and looks quite satisfied with it.

"I am fine, just discharge me."

I say in an uninteresting tone. I spot Josh, leaning at the door, looking at us. I roll my eyes at him as he fakes a cough.

"Your body is perfectly fine Mr. Arthur but I am afraid your mind isn't."

He takes out some notes and writes on it.

"You have to take therapy or else your condition will worsen. Dr. Aria Young is a psychologist working here. You have your first appointment with her tomorrow. Hope you'll get better soon."

Although the idea of mental therapy doesn't seen appealing to me but I don't want to argue with the doctor right now plus I think he is right.

I do need some mental help at this moment, maybe it'll help relax my mind a little bit.
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It's been two days since I have been discharged from the hospital. Instead of going back to Josh's apartment, I am back at my hotel room.

But right now I am at Dr. Aria's clinic for my first session with her.

I roam my eyes around the whole place as she still hasn't arrived yet.

I like the way she's decorated her place, it looks so cozy and comfy with all the pastel coloured walls and furniture.

"Hi there, Mr. Arthur Hart," she enters inside and takes a seat in her chair across me.

I don't know why but I start to feel nervous now.

I don't say anything but she still flashes a smile and opens up a file,  writing something.

"Okay, let's start. First off, I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything. Just think of me as your best friend and you'll do good."

I hope so.

"But first can you please answer one thing, are you a doctor yourself?"