Living Lifelessly

Chapter 17

                              Arthur

"But first can you please answer one thing, are you a doctor yourself?"

My palms start to sweat and I don't know what to say.

Should I tell her?

"Uh... I.."

I couldn't help myself bring up the truth . It's frustrating.

"Arthur, let me tell you one thing. It's all up to you if you wanna tell me about your past or not but trust me all these sessions will help better if you tell me nothing but truth. I am not pushing you into anything, it's all up to you."

There's complete silence for I don't know how long, making the atmosphere tensed. I gulp, trying to make up my mind.

"I... was a doctor, yeah."

Here, I said it. It wasn't as hard as I thought It'd be.

"Okay great but I don't get it. You were a doctor, now you are not?"

My loud breathing is the only thing that can be heard in this room right now.

"Uh... I don't practice anymore," I blurt out and quickly look away. I am a bad liar I guess.

"Alright, would you mind if I call you Dr. Hart?"

Fuck, yes I would.

"I'd prefer Arthur." I reply nonchalantly.

She stares at me silently, probably trying to read my mind. I stare back. Her eyes seem to have a weird attraction that is making it difficult to break the eye contact.

Concentrate Arthur.

"Alright then, Arthur." She continues taking notes. "Are you experiencing any nightmares or difficulty in getting proper sleep?"

"I..uh.. I can't sleep at all,"

I know it sounds crazy but it is the truth. I didn't remember the last time I slept peacefully.

"And why is that so?"

She clicks her pen while shifting her gaze from her papers to me.

"I am not really sure."

"So what do you do at night if you can't sleep?"

I keep reliving my fucked up life over and over again.

"Nothing special, I just think, yeah I keep thinking all night."

She seems a little surprised, probably wondering what kind of an idiot I am.

"And what do you think about?"

My heart beat paces as I think of things I don't wanna share with anyone.

"Um... just random things."

I lied again.

"It's okay if you don't want to share it right now. Let's move on, you're an American, right?"

"I am."

"When did you decide on leaving your country and flying to Australia?"

"About a month ago, I guess."

She remains silent for a while as she writes something in her file.

"And why did you decide on leaving your country?"

I feel suffocated all of a sudden as I shift in my seat.

"I don't feel good." I leave my seat. "I think I am done for today. Bye Dr. Young."