.:Heaven and Hell [Jared Leto]:.

Chapter 28; The past

September 19th
Tomorrow Sówïe was supposed to go with them on tour again, and she couldn't stop thinking about what she had seen or what she thought see saw in Shannon's eyes that day at the café, 1,5 weeks ago.
She was at her house with Skye and Jared, he was making lunch and Skye was helping. She must have had a look of trouble on her face because all of a sudden a voice asked;
'Is something wrong?' It was Jared who had come over to tell her that lunch was ready.
'No everything's fine' she said with a smile and rose from the sofa.
'Okay! Lunch is ready!' Jared said feeling like she was hiding yet another thing from him.
While sitting at the table she couldn't help but to look at both Jared and Sky, who was talking to each other, and think this is nice, we could really be a family, she smiled.
Jared looked at Sówïe from the corner of his eye and he could see her smiling and it made him happy, it put a smile on his face too and it strangely gave him a feeling that it would all be okay. Sówïe looked up at Jared who was now looking straight at her smiling, she lost her smile a little making it just a small curve of her lips. She was nervous about going back out on the road because she has to tell Jared everything before the twins are born and that means soon. Jared lost his good feeling, when Sówïe lost her big smile, when their eyes met.
'So, where and when are we leaving tomorrow?' Sówïe asked with a soft voice.
'We are going to Edmonton, Canada, we need to be at the airport by 8 am' Jared said.
'Okay' was all Sówïe said, she could see some kind of disappointment in Jared's eyes. Then Skye rose and left the table. Sówïe looked at Jared for a moment.
'What's wrong?' She then asked him softly. Jared looked over at her surprised that she asked.
'Nothing' he answered, tired of being the only one saying the truth out loud. Sówïe looked at him and knew that wasn't true, and she thought this must be how he's feeling when I'm not telling him the truth she rose and cleared the table.

October 9th.
On their way to Tampa. Sówïe is now 32 weeks pregnant.
The day came when Sówïe had decided to tell them about her past what she's done, who she really was. She was gonna start with Jared this time.
He was sitting on a sofa going thru the playlist for the Tampa show when Sówïe entered his space. He looked up at her and he could see she looked nervous and that she had something to say, she was quiet for a moment then she looked at him and said.
'I need to tell you a few things'. She sat down beside him and with a sigh said.
'Okay, so when I was younger I was kind of trouble, hanging with the wrong crowd, partying, drinking, doing drugs and yeah you name it. Also Joel wasn't the first time I got stabbed, when I was 16 a girl at school went crazy and drove a fork into my arm, hurt like a bitch, still got 4 small scars to prove it. I tried to run away when I was 17 but I didn't get far, Alice found me pretty fast. Also I had a thing with one of my teachers when I was 16, my English teacher he was 12 years older than me, my parents never knew. We tried really hard not to let it happen but it was impossible not to, it lasted for about a year, because then he died, and that's when my life really turned for the worst. And one day, I had just turned 18, I snuck out and went to a party, doing the usual, and I still don't know how but my parents found out where I was and came to get me...against my will I got into the car and we started fighting and then there were a bright light and everything just went dark, the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital 5 days later with a bad concussion, a broken arm and cuts & bruises all over. Alice walked thru the door crying, she told me our parents were dead and that I was lucky to be alive...'puff' Lucky...I killed my parents Jared, how does that make me lucky?! I blamed myself so I got even deeper in to the shit I was doing and then I met Joel and I stopped, then one day I was pregnant with Skye and after that I realized he wasn't who I thought he was and left him, clueless of me being pregnant. And after she was born you know I asked Alice to take her and I left to come here. I needed a new beginning a clean slate, but then I met you...and don't take me wrong, I'm so happy about that no doubt, but I never got the time to find the new me, and all this time I've been trying to both find who I am and hide my past at the same time and it's not been easy. I've been fighting myself, trying to be a person you would like and not be who I was, I've had times when I've missed it. I almost had a slip up the night this happened (she rubbed her belly) when you found me in the ally I had the pills in my hand.' she looked up at Jared, he had been looking at her the whole time but this was the first time she looked at him.
'I'm still battling with who I am...I guess that's why I've not let you in, because if I were to choose to be the old me...' Then Jared interrupted her.
'Sówïe...you haven't been that girl for over 5 years...she's your past...we are your future and we all love you for who you are, no matter what. And you did not kill your parents, you weren't driving the vehicle that hit you.' Then Sówïe interrupts him.
'Maybe not but it was because of me that my dad lost his concentration over our car and didn't notice the other one.' She said looking at him.
'Still you didn't kill them. And you are lucky to be alive, you could just as easily be dead right now and then we would never have met, Skye wouldn't be here, and despite that our relationship is far from perfect I wouldn't want to change it for anything. And you know I've done things in my life I'm not proud of but they've made me who I am today, I wouldn't want to live without them and I don't want you any other way than who you've been. I love who you are.' He said and touched her arm softly. Sówïe just looked at him.
'I'm glad you told me, and you don't have to worry about me or any of us feeling any different about you than what we already feel for you. You are our Sówïe and nothing will or can ever change that.' Jared added when Sówïe looked at him. He could see some kind of relief in her eyes but it still looked like she had something more to tell him.
'You're right I'm not her and I guess I've told myself that this is the problem to not let you in. Because like I've told you before I'm scared of it not working out and maybe that's because I still can't see past that you're Jared Leto and how you would want to be with someone like me for the rest of your life! And I know no one can ever guarantee that love will last forever, but I want to think it will before I let it happen.' She said looking at him with confused and wondering eyes. Jared smiled softly.
'I know you still see me like the star Jared Leto, but you know me better than anyone else, except maybe Shannon, and I'm just like everyone else...I'm just a guy who's in love with a girl. (He smiles) You can't choose who you fall in love with you just do and I love you, you know that right, I've told you a few times now and that's not something I just say, I mean it. No matter what you say or do, nothing will ever change that. And like you said no one can guarantee how they will feel in the future but how I feel right now is what matters to me and I can't imagine not loving you, cause you mean that much to me.' He said with a soft voice.
'I know you love me, I do, and I believe you. It's just what if I were to discover that I don't love you...I thought I loved Joel and we were actually happy at one point and that didn't go as planned. Also, knowing how you feel makes it harder because I don't want to let us happen just to be the one who hurts you. It's not me getting hurt I'm scared of it's being the one that does the hurting that's scary.' She said while studying his eyes then she looked out the window.
'It's okay if you don't love me, that's fine, I will let you go, I will let you be happy. I just wish I'll get to be happy with you for just a while, I would savor every second.' Jared said somewhat melancholic, looking at Sówïe.
'Well, I'm afraid that what I have to tell you now is gonna hurt you, and that you will take back everything you just said. But before I tell you I need Shannon to be here!' she said looking at him again. Jared looked at her with both relieved and nervous eyes. Then she called Shan and told him to come, and a few minutes later he sat down beside Sówïe. They were all quiet for a moment then Sówïe took a deep breath.
'So a few months after we first meet Shannon and I...well Shan and I......we slept together, more than once.' Sówïe said staring at the table and fumbled with her fingers the whole time, not looking at either of the two brothers. She didn't want to see Jared's disappointment.
'I know you two did, I've known all along and it's fine, I cant blame anyone of you. But I would like to know why him and not me? I taught we had something right from the start!' Jared said calmly looking at her, she was choked by what he said but couldn't lift her eyes to look at him she just stared at the table.
'Look at me Sówïe.' Jared said softly. But she couldn't lift her eyes. Then Shannon reached over and put his hand under her chin and lifted it for her, when her and Jared's eyes met he let go. She Just looked at him, relived over the fact that he already knew but terrified over what to tell him for picking Shannon first.

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So that was chapter 28, it took a while, still haven't got passed that my grandmother died over a year ago, and also I don't have so much time over for writhing between working and coaching soccer 3 times a week there's not much time or inspiration left over.
Chapter 29 is started but by now I'm guessing both you and I know it might take a while until it's out! And because of that I'm guessing this will be a 30 chapter story, but you never know I might change my mind.
XOXO