.:Heaven and Hell [Jared Leto]:.

Chapter 29; The whole truth

October 9th

Sówïe sat quiet thinking about what to tell Jared for picking Shannon.
'I...we...well we did have something from the start but it was like it is now...for some reason it's so much easier with Shan and kind of not for real. Don't take me wrong Shannon. But by it feeling like it was no strings attached it was just easier...you and I Jared we've always been complicated and I kind of believe we always will be, and so the only conclusion I can make, is that it's because of how I feel for you. Opening up like that for the man you've had feelings for as long as I have for you were not the easy pick, and Shannon was there so it felt right there and then, it would still feel right if I hadn't found out how you feel, and I love Shannon too, but in another way. And the night this happened (she rubbed her belly) I kind of knew what was happening at least in the beginning, so I took advantage of the situation, I'm sorry but I had wanted you for so long I just couldn't let the opportunity pass me by. We we're so drunk I knew none of us would blame the other. And when I realized you didn't remember I pretended I didn't either. But I just want to point out that I didn't mean to get pregnant.' She was quiet for a moment and then continued, 'you know, I never wanted her, I never wanted to be a mom, I still don't! I gave her to Alice for a reason. She's this perfect little person and I never wanted her, what does that say about me?! But you don't know what it's like to feel so broken inside that no matter what you do, no matter what anyone else does, it...can't be fixed.' She looked out the window for a few seconds.

'However, the only difference between the two of you is that I know Shannon will always be one of my best-friends, no matter what, but with you I'm not that sure, if I don't get passed this and let you in, I'm fairly sure that I will lose you sooner or later. That's why I haven't told you about what we did sooner.' she spat out everything that came up in her head, deep down she wanted everything out on the table.

Jared and Shannon both looked at her chocked, they had never heard her talk this much about feelings and private things, she was usually very careful about those subjects.

Sówïe had not been looking at the brothers while speaking but now she looked over at them and she saw 2 grown men looking really chocked, they were both just looking at her. 'What?! Don't just look at me, say something.' She said softly and then she could feel the panic come creeping up in her body. 'What did I just say?' she froze, Jared and Shannon could see it clearly, she looked out the window for a few seconds then she rose, opened her mouth to say something but closed it and walked away.

'Sówïe' Shan said but she just walked away. He looked over at Jared who just sat staring out into the air with empty eyes but at the same time had a wondering look on his face, and then he met his brother's eyes.

'What am I supposed to do now?' Jared said confused.

'I don't know! Holy crap did she just say all of that?!' Shan said and raised his eyebrows.

'Just wait until you hear all the messed up things she told me before you came.' Jared then said and added 'I kind of understand why she hasn't said anything before. It's a wonder she hasn't broken down, the things she's been carrying around for this long, I now understand why she's been so private.' He just looked at his brother. Shannon looked at Jared for a second.

'Why haven't you told me that you knew about me and Sówïe?' He then asked him. Jared looked away from his older brother unprepared for that question.

'Look at me Jared' Shan said when Jared just kept looking away. He then looked over at Shannon and lowered his head.

'How the hell do you tell your older brother you know he fucked the one you love?' Jared said with a voice split between anger and despair. Shannon looked at him and felt kind of bad, Jared had done nothing wrong, it was he who should have told Jared what had happen right after it had happened.