Bloody Roses

17. Admission of Guilt

I ran my hand through my hair as I sighed softly; my breath fogging up in front of me. Did I actually like him? Or was I just grateful for what he has done?

Looking out at the horizon again, I scratched at my cheek in thought. 

He’s held me hostage; for my own protection.

He kept me in a medically induced coma; I did need to heal from that fall. 

Everything he’s done to me was for a good reason; even if they were lacking in the moral department. 

I looked down when I felt fluff against my ankles. 

Right, the bastard still hasn’t given me any shoes. He took the ones I wore out that day.

I shook my head and sat down, leaning against the railing as I lifted Marshmallow and placed him in my lap. I watched him get comfortable before scratching between his ears gently.

I haven't been able to build up the courage to get another pet, and I don't think I ever would have if it wasn't for Todo getting me Marshmallow.  

Todo.

When did I give him a nickname?

I chuckled softly to myself and smiled a bit. 

“He’s an absolute asshole, isn't he?”

I ran my hand along Marshmallow's back before gently flicking the fluff of his tail. It was calm, as it had been since I have gotten here. Besides the few hiccups that have happened, it's been an overall nice life here. He provides me with everything I've asked for, and more. I had no bills to worry about or deadlines to make. And now I never have to see Deku aain. Where ever he went, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back here. 

He’s done so much for me in my time here. More than anyone else ever has. Maybe, I’m not just a temporary thing he can toss aside like the others have been whispering about. 

He did sleep with someone else though. Well, in theory. That has yet to be proven nor disproven.

Could he really be blamed for that? Is that something I have the right to hold against him? He  has a stressful job: literally ruling the world. And I haven't really helped in the stress relief department. 

Perhaps, I should give myself to him. He seems to actually like me. Or else he would have dumped my body in a river long ago. 

I raised my head a bit at the realization. He could, and he would. The moment he decides I’m not worth it anymore, I become irrelevant; just another place for a bullet. 

As if on cue, a loud crack rang through the upcoming night. The sound making me tense for a moment before I glanced over my shoulder. Was that thunder? It wasn't cloudy though. Maybe something broke?

I moved Marshmallow from my lap as I stood, shivering as I exposed myself to the air once again. I looked out to the horizon as I waited for another sound, but none came. Just the city sounds drifting in on the wind. 

How odd. 

How long have I been out here again? It was darker now. My fingers and toes started to go numb as the wind stung my cheeks.

Nothing sounded better than a bath and getting into bed to turn in for the night. Unless the bed smelled of something else ofcourse. Then I’m not sure where my mind would go in the state it was already in. 

Maybe I should stay out here. Then hopefully I’ll freeze to death.

“You’re going to catch a cold out here.”

The voice sent chills down my back. I turned to face him and took in his physique. He looked tired, and was holding something behind his back.

This was it, wasn't it? He’s had enough of me.

I took a step back when he stepped onto the balcony. His movements stalled, sensing the barrier between us now. He sighed softly and corrected his posture, “Are you still cross with me?”

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't. Instead, we stood there in silence that seemed to just drag on. He hummed gently to fill the silence before he started to speak again, “I was a little harsh earlier. But I wouldn't have had to be if you weren't suddenly jumping to conclusions”

He had looked away as he spoke but now he turned to face me again, beginning to test the boundary with another step, “I want to apologize, move past this. Let me be better for you. I want you to be comfortable here. I want you to stay with me.”

“I don't want to be your Rapunzel.” I shot back as I pressed my back against the railing. “Locked up in your tower all day and night, waiting for you to come back.”

He paused as he assessed what I gave him. He stood fully and smiled softly, “Bakugou.” He spoke carefully, taking caution with his words, “You are so much more than a princess.” 

He started walking closer again, taking advantage of the fact I couldn’t go anywhere. “I am just trying to help you realize that.” 

He stopped a few steps away and started moving his hand from behind his back. I took in a breath and closed my eyes, readying myself for the shot.

A few long seconds passed and I had to wonder if I was already dead. There was no sound, nor any pain. The only thing there was another cool wind. 

“Bakugou, open your eyes for me, Kitten.”

I followed the request with more ease than I would like to admit. I looked at the white roses being held at my eye level. There was a splash of red across the bouquet; a concerningly pleasing contrast of color. Cautiously, I took the flowers being offered to me. They were wet, and instantly I knew that the odd coloration wasn't natural.

It was symbolic in a way. It represented what was between us. Innocent, chaotic, and impure. Dirtied with the blood shed it took for us to get this far. 

“Would you like different ones?”

I looked up at him, our eyes finally meeting since our fight earlier. His gaze was soft and inviting, almost pleading. I shook my head slowly as I hugged the roses to my chest, “I like them like this…”

His breath fogged up before him, unveiling a small smile behind the mist as it uncured in the wind. He stepped closer once again and cupped my face. The warmth of his palms felt nice against my cheeks, making me melt into his touch.

“Do you love me, Katsuki…?”

Did I?

I didn't want to leave him, that was for sure. With him I felt safe, protected even. For the first time in so, so many years. Every time something was wrong, he did everything he could think of to make it better. He’s pulled me from a past I could never have hoped to escape. 

But was that love, or gratitude? Is there really a difference in situations like these? Perhaps it was burning hate I felt instead of passion every time he kissed me. Maybe the butterflies from being embraced was actually nauseating disgust?

It was impossible to tell. But this? The moments that we've had like this, where I feel nothing but absolute peace? That I knew. That was a feeling I could understand though it was unfamiliar. 

Reaching up, I took hold of his arm, looking up at him. I took a breath before whispering my answer, “Yes, I do…”

He seemed satisfied with the answer; his posture finally relaxing. He pulled me closer as he leaned down, meeting me halfway, “Don’t ever stop loving me, Katsuki. You belong here, by my side.”

I nodded slowly and let my eyes fall shutas I leaned into his warmth, his lips finally meeting with mine.