Dixie
May
~~~
She wishes she could tell him all the things she wants to tell him. But she knows he's better off without her now. And she's taking her father's advice, and letting things happen if they happen.
Her and another friend are sitting, talking and watching rom-coms when her friend turns to her.
"Are you okay?" Her friend asks, looking concerned.
"What do you mean? Of course I'm okay." She denies everything and says she's fine, but really she just wants to run to him and never let him go.
"You can stop lying to me now, we've been friends for awhile. Spill."
She sat back in the chair and looked at her friend, scooping a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, letting her legs dangle over the side of the couch.
Dixie sighs. "I just wish it turned out differently, you know? I think if it had been a different time, or near the future, or we were both older or whatever, maybe we could have worked then. Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here and telling you about how I screwed up and how I don't know how to fix it and how he's probably better off without me. I wouldn't be telling you how much I miss his silly laugh, or his messy hair and how it never stayed down." She sniffles, realizing now that she's crying. "He was crazy, and so was I, and we were crazy about each other. And I'm still crazy about him. He brought out the best in me and I miss him more and more everyday and every second."
Finally, she just broke down in tears. The memories, they were so painful. Every time she blinked she could see his eyes, filled with love and adoration, and every where she went she could hear his laugh echo through her mind.
"As much as I want to not love him anymore, I'm terrified what will happen if I don't love him. He's everything to me... Everything. I don't know what to do or how to feel... All I know is at the end of the day, I love him. God, I love him." She sobs. "I really don't want to lose him."
Her friend pulled her into a hug and hugged her tightly as she cried.
She wishes she could tell him all the things she wants to tell him, but she knows he's better off without her now.
Or at least, that's what she thinks.
