Always

Ten

Part Three
            The Distance

            Chapter Ten

            Thankfully he did keep his promise. I spent his entire birthday month with him. Together we got to decide which country I should move to, what institute I enroll into and when. But that was a while ago, and all the decisions have already been put into action.
I am in Ireland now, in a little town on the outskirts of Dublin that has far too many tree that I expected it to. I am attending a small university called Hampshire. I’ve been here for almost 2 weeks and I still feel utterly unnerved being somewhere so foreign without knowing just when I will go home, I mean I know when I will go back but it is months away and that just really bothered me.
I actually miss Tanzania. I miss it so much I wish I had never left. I wish I was there with my friends, Aisha, Naomi, Saleh and everyone else. I wish I was in the same class with them, I wish I was sharing the same inside jokes with them, I wish I was hating the same teachers with them and mostly I wish I was still having lunch with them at that diner close to campus.
I actually want to hit them up right now but its too late for them. So I send a selfie on the group chat and voice my hate for the snow. That’s another thing that makes me miss home so badly, it is never this cold back home.
Honestly this is probably the worst time to be in this bloody continent. It is winter and I honestly always thought that the white on the roads and houses was romantic but I never knew what it felt like this. If feels like something is pinching my bones and my nose is completely frozen I have to breathe through my mouth.
            “Come on now Waridi, you have to walk much faster than that and you can’t be taking selfies when we’re already this late.” says Ridley Michaels. He’s my friend. The only one that I have so far but the people here are quite different from what I am accustomed to. I haven’t made any strides with anyone other than this silly goofball.
            When I first met him last week at orientation I could tell that he was not the kind of guy you should fall for. But it wasn’t like I was in any danger. My heart, body and soul were all owned and quite frankly imprisoned by a tall handsome guy with golden eyes and brown curls.
            So I let him become friendly with me. He flirted with me a bit but I always shot him down. I could tell that he wasn’t used to girls turning him down. Ridley is very handsome. He is biracial with clear blue eyes and light brown skin. He has the kind of curls I could only dream of having which was why I was out growing my hair (the way my relaxed hair was falling off kind of hurt but it has to be done). I wanted to have my natural hair because being in Ireland meant I could take better care of it. There were so many more products here than there were back home.
            “I’m sorry but I have never been anywhere that was this cold,”
            “Right, but the professor will not care about this being your first winter.”
            “Right,” I said mimicking him.
            We are late for class because we ran into traffic on our way back from the whole sale store. I needed some supplies for my place (Niko insisted that I get my own apartment rather than share a place with anyone and well school housing was out of the question) and we thought it was a good idea to scope different areas for prices. Obviously we do not think so now.
            “The man already hates me,” Ridley says. Yes Professor Barnaby hates him.
            “I’m sorry, but I will fall if I walk any quicker than this.”
            We eventually get to class but Barnaby chases away a student before we can even follow the late comer so we decide to just skip the whole lesson without the embarrassment of being turned away.
            We go back to Ridley’s car and he turns on the heater and becomes my hero as soon as I can feel my toes.
            “I swear to you, I am currently cursing myself for coming here.” I tell him.
            “It will get warmer, no worries.”
            “Winter has just started,” and because I never want to miss the chance of making a Game of thrones reference I add “Winter is here,” in my Jon Snow voice.
            “Silly girl,” he says.
            I check my phone for new messages and find a couple of texts from my friends from the Open University. Aisha and Saleh are both up, I think they are seeing each other but they never say so whenever I confront them.  
            Aisha: I wish I was there
            Saleh: That is why I never want to move outside of Tz, 255 for life.
Me: @aisha no, you do not, do not let the movies fool you.
            Me: @saleh ugh tell me about it.
           Naomi: Kiswahili tafadhali!
           I reply to the last text with laughing emojis before I return my focus to Ridley.
            “So, I think it will be good if you come by, they really want to meet you.”
            “What?”
            “My roommates, they want to meet you and we’re having a get together so you should come.”
            “You’ll pick me up?”
            The way he looks at me tells me that I shouldn’t go to this party but what the heck; he’s not the first boy I’ve dealt with who is showing unwanted interest. “Of course,”
            We have one class before the day is over and a group discussion at 5 but we don’t have any assignment just yet so Ridley and I both forgo the discussion. He drops me off at my place with the promise of picking me up later.
I call Niko as soon as I close the door behind me.
              It’s no longer an evening and morning time difference. He’s only a couple of hours ahead of me which means I can call more frequently now. And if he can talk he will simply pick up.
            He doesn’t pick up but I don’t let it phase me. It would be very troublesome to let such small things bother me.  
            I have never been more certain of a man’s feelings for me. I know that we are in love. I can feel it all even when he isn’t here. And even though this is a long distance relationship it is one that has had a lot of assurance. I know what we are moving towards so the little things like having to see him every day don’t seem so big anymore (on most days). I mean, of course there are days that I really wish he was here but I just spent a month with him two months ago. I still tingle in all the places he touched me last. It’s enough because I know where we are headed. Maybe I'll believe it if I say it often enough.  
            Tomorrow is Saturday; I want to go buy furniture. I also have to buy my own car; I was thinking something second hand but Niko doesn’t want to hear about that. And I really don't want Paulsen to show up and dictate things the way he did last time I had to buy a car, or when I first came here last month. So I'll get what he suggests.
             I have a simple apartment, with a single bedroom, a bathroom and a living room that is also a kitchen. It resembles the idea of apartments I always had after watching so many foreign movies. It has one important detail - is a sit in window. Sadly that window is in the living room. But I do not share the place with anyone so I can still sit there in my underwear - when summer comes.
            I take a shower then put on stockings before I wear my jeans. I wear 2 pairs of socks and black boots. I put on a red blouse and apply red lipstick and eyeliner before I tie my hair (weave) into a ponytail. 
            I’m all ready when Ridley arrives to pick me up. His eyes kind of bug out and it makes me feel like I’m overdressed.
            “There’s something different about you,” he says as I get into the car “I can’t quite pin it.”
            “I applied some eyeliner and lipstick, stop staring.”
            “You should always apply some, does wonders for your eyes.”
            I roll my eyes at him.
            It’s not a long drive from my place to where he lives so we’re there within minutes. It’s an apartment building that houses students but most of the people who live here are foreigners. Very few of them are Irish like Ridley and there are even fewer white people but I know one of the four roommates that Ridley has is white, his name is Rupert and he and Ridley have been friends since kindergarten.
            We get out of the car and walk up the flight of stairs because this building doesn’t have an elevator, I can’t complain about it because my own building is old and doesn’t have an elevator either.
            We can hear the music being played inside when we get close to the room. Their apartment is a 2 bedroom apartment with a living room and a kitchen. They share the rooms in bunk beds and their couch is always occupied by one friend or another, I know because Ridley is always complaining about it.
            He opens the door and reveals the dozen or so people inside. They’re a bunch of people by the couch and others in the kitchen by the sink and the fridge. There is a Wizkid song blaring on the radio.
            “Ridley,” This tall dark skinned girl with really long natural hair in an afro calls out to Ridley and he walks us towards her, she’s sitting with a red head with so many freckles they make up his skin complexion.
            “Hi, Stella this is Waridi. Waridi this is Stella.”
            “Hello Waridi!” She actually says my name right so my eyes bulge up with surprise but then I recognize her accent and she says “Yes, I’m your neighbor, 254.”
            She’s Kenyan, she’s a Swahili speaker, oh wow “Hi!”
            “Oh, you’re so excited.”
            I laugh and open my mouth to speak but the red head beats me to it “I’m Rupert,” he has such a thick Irish accent, his is even thicker than Ridley’s.
            “Hi, nice to meet you Rupert,”
            “I’m Stella’s best friend; I’ve officially been placed in the friend zone.”
            “Don’t let him lie to you; he’s the one that placed me in the friend zone.”
             After that Ridley takes me around to meet all his roommates, there is Malik Malik (But everyone calls him Mike) and John Balogun who is Nigerian and the one responsible for the Nigerian songs (Davido was playing when we finally got to him). There were a bunch of other people there including this Tanzanian girl called Jackie but they all just blurred together. Not Jackie of course because I could tell she hated me, and I could tell just why (it is obvious that she has a thing for Ridley and he spent the entire night with me).
            I actually tried to help her out once or twice but Ridley wouldn’t budge. 
             
            I buy one dark blue sofa, a maroon rug, a mahogany coffee table, a mahogany kitchen stand to separate the sitting area from the kitchen, four wooden chairs and enough throw pillows for the sofa and the sit in window. It’s a lot of work but thankfully I have Ridley with me.
            “Thank you so much.” I tell him once we have everything in place. It’s pretty late and I wanted to cook today because I really miss Ugali, some beef and Kachumbari but oh well “Will you have pizza with me?”
            “Yes,” he says plopping his legs on my new coffee table; I stare at him until he removes his feet.
            “I don’t even have my shoes on.” He says.
            I ignore him and call the pizza place from down the block.
            I decide to go take a shower before food gets here. I leave the money with Ridley and go to my room. I’m so thankful that the bathroom has two doors one from my room and one from the living room so I don’t have to walk around the living room with Ridley in there.
            I put on a baggy grey t-shirt and gray leggings with my favorite purple socks before I step back into the living room.
            “You had a phone call,” Ridley says through a slice of peparoni pizza “From your cell phone and your land line.”
            “You didn’t pick up did you?”
            “No,”
            “Great,” I sit next to him “Never pick up.” I know who it must be because only two people have my number and one of them is right here with me.
            I take a slice then turn on the television which believe me or not was one of the first things that I bought. I cringed at the prices especially after converting the pounds into Tanzanian shillings. 
            Today alone made me want to weep, I can’t believe I even have all this money to spend. I mean I believe it because Niko sends more than enough money and I am never comfortable enough to use it all. I always use less. I even decided to start investing some of it last year. I bought a couple of farms and started cultivating but I won’t be there next year during cultivation period so Mama Jamila, my old neighbour is looking after my farms for me. I just pray she won’t steal too much of my profit.
            I kind of want to kick Ridley out so I can talk to Niko but I don’t want to be rude and the guy did just help me move all this stuff.
            “Do you want to watch movies on Netflix?”
            “No, too tired. I think I’m just going to sleep.”
            “Can I watch T.V then?”
            “I’m afraid not, my accented friend. I am never that comfortable with people.”
            He stares at me meaningfully “Was that your boyfriend who called?” I haven’t saved Niko’s number; I just know it by heart.
            “Something like that,”
            “That’s too bad,”
            I don’t have to ask why so I just turn back to the television which is blank because it isn’t connected to anything. I don’t have cable or anything set up yet, I usually just connect it to my laptop and watch movies or series.
            Eventually the last slice is eaten by me. I think Ridley is surprised that I have eaten as many slices as him. I yawn and he thankfully says goodnight. I walk him out and thank him for the day. He offers to pick me up on Monday. He’s an angel. But I should already have my car by then.
            “Hi,” I say as soon as Nikolai accepts my video call. He’s lying in bed so his hair is all over the place because he let it grow out. I like it like this, it makes him look like what I imagine a high class bad boy would look. Like Chuck Bass, the one on the T.V series, but with a Danish accent and longer hair. And slightly rock and roll –ish. So maybe he looks nothing like Chuck. But you get it “I missed you today,”
            “I missed you too, where were you?”
            “In the shower,”
            “That was a long bath,”
            “Yeah, I was soaking the hot water. Hard not to in this weather.” I don’t know why I don’t just tell him the truth and then because I feel guilty I say “I love you,”
            “I love you more,”
            “Ugh, I love you most.”
            “That’s not true,” he says
“I love how you talk,” he talks slowly and precise. He never has to take words back, unlike me. I talk too fast. I mean not too fast just too fast compared to him.
“I love your eyes,” he says and the way he’s looking at me makes me blush a bit, it’s almost as if we are talking about another intimate body part or something.
“I love your hair,” mostly because my hair will never feel as silky soft as his does.
“I love your laugh,” I always laugh when he says that. It’s literary become reflex now “There it is,”
“I love your smile,” I say because his perfect dental formula is right there for me to see. And also I fantasize about seeing it whenever I don’t see it.
“I love your lips,”
“I love that one dark freckle you have on the left side of your lips,”
“I’m going to take this up a notch,” I raise my eyebrows because I can’t raise just one and he smiles smugly before he says “I love everything about you,”
“Oh, I have a better one.” I say cheerfully because I have been thinking of using it ever since I thought of it when he won the last time we did this. I make my voice sultry before I say “I love all of you.”
He smiles wider, a form of a laugh for him “That’s not better at all,”
“But it is,” I lay my head on the arm of the sofa and straighten my legs so they rest on the other end of the sofa “All of you means everything from your heart and soul. Like your body, mind, soul, spirit; all. As in if it happened that you had multiple personalities, I would love them too. See how big all is?”
“So we are now debating whether all constitutes of more things than everything? You are aware that they are synonyms right?”
“Ha ha,” I am a sore loser but this isn’t a loss exactly. The truth is, I do feel like he does love me more than I love him. I mean he knows more about me than I know about him but still, he loves me when all I have to give him is me. He hasn’t even had sex with me since two months ago so it’s obviously not just a sexual thing for him. He is able to confidently say that he loves me and have that be it. I can’t say the same for me. “Very funny,”
“You’ll get me next time.” He says with a smug smile that is just smug enough not to irritate me. “You bought a sofa?” he asks trying to see past my face, I rotate the camera so he can see the place.
We talk about what kind of car I should get, about my day today, about wanting to be together and as usual I don’t try to know where he is or who he is. After a year I have learned to be resigned. As a twenty year old I have learned to count my blessings.