Always

Twenty Nine

Twenty Nine

It's finally the day of the grammys. My last day as a recording artist. And the day I was supposed to announce my engagement.

Instead they announced Niko as the crown prince. And Felix officially moved to Athens. And there's no mention of me but at least there's no mention of an engagement. As much as I am trying to let Nikolai have everything he deserves, it is still hard. It would be hard to watch him be with someone else.

Even though he and I are not over, this, their family on the news paper makes it official somehow.

I try to remind myself that I was right. That I made the right decision by walking out and letting him have what he'd always dreamed of. It was only fair because he was the reason I was living my dream; that I got the chance to be a recording artist or receive this nomination.

I smile at the make up artist - someone new. If I wasn't reeling from my life going up in flames I might look forward to her work since her skin tone is similar to mine, I don't think I have to worry about being white washed.
Maria and Ridley are both here. Ridley is my plus one for tonight. Maria only stopped by to make sure I have my winning speech.

"For when you win." She says through her red lips.

"If, if I win."

"I agree with Maria on this one." Ridley says. He looks dashing in his suit and buzzcut. It makes him look like he's more of an adult. Possibly less mixed race and more black.

"Yeah, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment." I say and look back at my reflection in the mirror.

The make up artist smiles and goes back to work. I was right, the foundation matches my skin perfectly, nothing is a shade ligher than it's supposed to be.

I get into a black long dress with a trail. It's tight and doesn't fan out until my ankles which forces me to walk funny but I had missed wearing something this tight. I wear my hair natural, in a high puff to commemorate the fact that I will only flat iron when I want to and not because I feel it's the best thing to do or how I should look. Little wins. But I miss my man. Is he still mine?

We get into the limo and then drive to the award ceremony. It's packed with paps and fans, it's loud as they all throw questions. I stop to smile and wave, for the pictures and the fans. But I'm glad to step inside where the noise is muted.

Ridley squeezes my hand as we take our seats. We're in the back, where all the no names are. But the thing about being a no name artist with a grammy nomination is that most of the no names also know you. So we say kind hellos, snide remarks and then sit stiffly next to each other. I mean, all of the other artists nominated in my category are within ear shot.

If I wasn't nervous about the award and Nikolai being crown prince, might enjoy the ceremony more. I get to watch some of my favorite artists petform, every once in a while I'd get to see myself on screen and smile (it almost always happened when I was talking to Ridley) but other than that, it almost felt boring.

I was supposed to come here with Nikolai. These ceremonies were generally no go tos for the royal family but he was going to come with me to help me say my goodbyes.

I look at my phone, not at the speech Maria prepared (out of everyone she seems to be the most delighted about the end of my relationship with Nikolai) but the one Nikolai and I had written together - to end Waridi the artist.

I was supposed to get baptised, we even picked a name (surprisingly it wasn't Rose, Harriette because I'd get to be Harry like him and get the ette at the end like the women in his family.

I feel the tears fill my eyes and look away from the screen only to find my face on the screens again - warranted this time because it seems they are announcing our nominations. They move on to the other nominees.

And then the big and the winner is moment happens. The presenter, Anna Fisher, a singer I've met once or twice milks it for all it's worth.

"Waridi!"

I can't hear a thing as the crowd erupts with cheers - they're not that loud but for the first time since I left Niko I'm not thinking about him. I'm thinking about me and what this means.

And when the tears in my eyes finally fall it isn't because my heart is breaking. It's in delight. Cause here I am. I won.

I cover my mouth just as Ridley touches my hand and helps me up. It sucks that I am sitting so far from the stage because it takes too long to get to the stage.

When I do get there I need to take a deep breath before I can accept the award. It doesn't feel as fluid as I see people do when I watch them. I take the metal and take the mic.

"Whew," I say "I can't believe that this is happening. I don't think I can say how much this means to me. To everyone that's-" just then, some sixth sense in me notices the person that walks into hall.

His hair is close cropped, it's short and neat. He's in a black tuxedo, with a black tie and shirt which highlights how pale he is.

My Nikolai without the curls, with his eyes dark and calculating.

I try to look away so I can continue with my speech but he walks with his legs taking giant steps quickly through the hall. Each stride is filled with purpose as he makes his way towards me.

"Uh..." I try to think of what to say and when words completely fail me I think of getting off the stage but he shakes his head, so I stand still and wait for him.
He's changed so much since I last saw him. His eyes are as dark as the first day I saw him all those years ago, I'm not sure if that means he's angry or calculating. Because according to him, he's been thinking of a way to make us work since I barged into his room.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, I move the mic further away but I don't think it works. Everyone here can hear me.

He stares at me for a while and then he smiles, calculating as ever.

"Waridi Abdallah Fumba..." It's amazing how little he butchers my name, after years his pronounciation is near perfect.

I want to smile but I lose my breath the moment I see him go down on one knee. I can feel the air hit my eye balls as my eyes turn into saucers. I move forward to get him to stop but he shakes his head again.

"What are you doing?"

"I could give you a very long speech, tell you every thought that went through my head and how I came to this decision. I could tell you how the last few weeks have been for me, how hard it was to make that decision but I don't need to. You know me. And you were right, I should get to be what I wanted. But I've always wanted to be your husband. So will you let me have it all?" His eyes are so dark...maybe it's with emotion, not anger or thinking "will you marry me?"