Vixen || Hoseok ff

16

The past couple days i was quiet. I barely ate whatever hoseok would bring to my place.  I just stayed in the darkness of my bedroom. Yes, I convinced hoseok to let me go back home. He refused until he finally gave up but only if i had cameras installed and someone watching over my apartment 24/7.

He called me almost every two hours to check up on me. On top of that he would physically come every morning, bright and early to meal prep my food for throughout the day. Whenever he would come back the next day i knew he was upset because i would barely touch the food. I was grateful dont get me wrong. I just didn't feel well.

April made some of her pop ups. I could tell she was doing well. She talked my ear off about taehyung. They were hitting it off so well. He really did bring out the best of her. I never seen April talk about a man so highly and keep giggling just mentioning his name. It was adorable. She told me he had recently took her on a date to a butterfly museum. Growing up she had a love for butterflies. And they even went to the beach and an amusement park. She showed me them and they were beautiful. She mentioned he loved photography so he wanted to take as many as he could. She deserved it,all of it and more. Im glad tae could look out for her while I couldn't right now. I was beyond grateful for him.

Jin let me have my bed rest and was understanding. He told me he was going to officially close the club down for good within the next two weeks or so.

I would catch myself staring into complete nothing when i would attempt to do my school work or watch a show. I would zone out completely. Tiff had suggested i should go see a therapist.

I didn't like the idea of sitting in front of a complete stranger telling my life problems to. Just didn't sit right with me. They would probably be thinking in their head of how fucked up i was. I could picture them right now scribbling down in their little notes of how crazy my life is and how fucked up i am.

Im glad that hoseok was so understanding of my space. I did miss him but i just felt like i would make him miserable with my depressed presence.

The only thing apart from hoseok that kept me sane was writing. I poured everything into my songs. Whatever i felt i wrote it in my songs. It was better than a therapist.

That night i layed in bed thinking about my mom staring at her picture that sat on my nightstand beside my bed. I missed her so much. Her cooking...her warm hugs.. her smile.. I hadn't noticed i was crying so much until I felt how damp my pillow had became.

Getting up i went into the bathroom and inside my medicine cabinet to grab something that would knock me out so i could go to sleep. Searching for the melatonin i came across a very old pill bottle. I dont even know why i still had it. The prescription was scribbled out and replaced with 'Happy Pills" in sharpie.

I held it in my hands staring at it for a moment and then finally decided to open it. There were only a few left. Pouring it into my hand i ran some water so that i could take with it.

Suddenly i stopped though.

What the hell are you doing Lyric? Your stronger than this.

That voice in the back of my head made me instantly throw the pills down the toilet flushing it. Watching it as it swirled the bowl and finally went down i sighed.

Stop being selfish...

Finally finding the melatonin i took it and got back in bed. I opened my phone and saw Hoseok text me saying 'sweet dreams beautiful i will see you in the morning'. It made me smile.

I didn't deserve him. I was fighting my demons and yet he stayed.

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Quick chapter but i just wanted my readers to get a better understanding about what lyric is mentally going through. Its a very sensitive topic but its real life and so many people go through it in their everyday life.

I just want you all to know you are beautiful inside and out even through all your faults<3